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(13 Posts)
grannygranby Thu 22-Apr-21 08:22:27

I am or have learnt to be rather stoical in my everyday life. It gets me through I am happy. I look for the positives in the everyday in nature. I count my blessings. And then there is my birthday and no matter how I try stoicism flies out the window. It becomes emotionally fraught. Does anyone else know what I’m talking about? Even thinking about can cause tears to well up. Weird. I wish I could sincerely be more laid back about it. And not that I like getting a year older either... seems to me a day of mourning.

Grandmadinosaur Thu 22-Apr-21 08:30:40

I do understand you’re feelings but look at it this way. It’s a celebration of life and that fact that (especially through the last year) we are still here. For me a reminder to get on with all those things to do, places to see etc that I say I’ll do one day.
I lost my mum this year down to dementia so it’s even more upper most in my thinking.
Happy Birthday .

MerylStreep Thu 22-Apr-21 08:31:27

Your not alone. There is lots of info on line relating to this ‘condition’
There’s even a name for it. Have a look, it might make you feel better knowing your not alone.

Sara1954 Thu 22-Apr-21 08:36:19

I’m always sad on my birthday, I have absolutely no idea why, I’m pretty sure it’s not to do with getting older, I just seem to be on the verge of tears all day.
I keep things really low key these days, minimum fuss, and carry on as normal.

grannygranby Thu 22-Apr-21 10:47:07

thank you...that helps...I'll try and find the conditionsmile

henetha Thu 22-Apr-21 10:50:11

I do sympathise. There are some aspects of living alone which are truly horrible. I've got used to it now, but for years I hated waking up alone on my birthday (and Christmas Day).
It seemed to me the epitome of loneliness.
Maybe try and see it as a bonus that you are still alive.
And treat yourself to something nice.
Sending you a friendly hug.

JaneJudge Thu 22-Apr-21 10:51:58

I get it at Christmas too, I just feel really overwhelmed by it and have a sense of dread

grannygranby Thu 22-Apr-21 11:36:30

I've looked it up...I don't suffer from “fragapanophobia”I just don't like the fact that I will find it hard not to feel ...what? I don't know...that a probe won't pick at a bit of self pity? that I am not popular? that no one gives a toss? that whatever I get is probably just duty...and is it good enough? Outrageous feelings that are no worthy of anybody...yuk. I will act grateful...I will probably even feel it. and that's why I love dogs they wont love me more or less on my birthday. and I'm very grateful I've got them. Haven't seen grandchildren for 18 try to be brave then feel sorry for myself for being brave. Such crap. Is it because it is a kind of test of love that we easily fail?

Sara1954 Thu 22-Apr-21 13:50:03

It’s very sad you feel this way, no one likes to admit to self pity, but I’m sure we all feel it at times.
Don’t forget, a birthday is soon over, just one day out of 365.
I don’t know why my birthday makes me sad, perhaps we secretly expect more, I don’t know. But plenty of people here you can have a moan to.

Shelflife Thu 22-Apr-21 13:58:09

I do recognize that birthday feeling ! However for me it is eased by having a twin sister. If it's my birthday then it's hers too! We live about 40 minutes away from each other and if I don't see her on the day we arrange a meeting close to the day. Of course we message / phone too.

ginny Thu 22-Apr-21 14:39:54

I don’t want to diminish your feelings but I hope you can come to see each birthday as a celebration of being alive.
My MIL is always be moaning that it is no fun being old and birthdays are not the same these days. She is 89. She has a good family who include her in all occasions and basically any ailments she has are mainly down to just being older. My own Mum died suddenly at the age of 68 I sometimes ask her if she would have preferred

grannygranby Fri 23-Apr-21 10:43:47

I'm over it...birthday not till Monday. I think you have to go there and then bore yourself and get over it. I think it is because I always loved birthdays too much then they become impossible to live up to! ; 'bow down to her on Sundays, salute her when her birthday comes'

ginny Fri 23-Apr-21 11:00:02

Pleased you are feeling better about it*grannygranby*.
I do agree that as you get older birthday tend to be just another day.
I hope you have a good day on Monday. Make sure you treat yourself and celebrate just being alive.