Gransnet forums

Ask a gran


(9 Posts)
Spam Mon 24-May-21 08:48:19

Just wondering if anyone has the same relationship as I do with my daughter. She never has anything to do with me unless I make the move. We have had a bit of a strained relationship over the years but she seems to have mellowed with age. She is happily married with two teenage children. I do no expect anything but the occasional phone call would be nice. I went to pick up grand children on Saturday and she was out and when I dropped them off she had gone out again.
I get text messages but only if I send one to her first. I know she makes arrangements to see other people but she never asks me to do anything with her. I feel it when friends of mine talk about their sons or daughters dropping in to see them, she never dies this only if she is coming my way for another reason. I get quite tearful at times thinking about it

felice Mon 24-May-21 09:25:02

You really have my sympathies, similar here and I live in the Granny flat in her house.
DGS is here all the time up and down the stairs, but DD only if she wants something and if I go up I can hear her tutting and sighing as she awnsers the door.
If I am unwell she never comes down when asked says DGS can tell here how I am, he is 9 !!!!!!
You are not alone, take care flowers

henetha Mon 24-May-21 09:38:53

That's so sad. I always thought it must be wonderful to have a daughter but obviously sometimes it's not. Sending you best wishes flowers

Kate1949 Mon 24-May-21 09:51:56

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately I think it's pretty common. It's particularly hard when it's a daughter. My relationship with my daughter is not great these days. I think the only thing we can do is accept it and try to get on with our own lives.

Hithere Tue 25-May-21 05:04:03

Has your relationship with her always been this one sided?

AGAA4 Tue 25-May-21 08:12:18

Relationships can improve as children get older. Just carry on keeping in touch and don't expect too much. Hard I know but it may get better.

DiscoDancer1975 Tue 25-May-21 16:32:32

I just think people don’t communicate any more. I’ve seen it a lot on here. No one says anything. Have you tried talking to her? People have such busy lives, and I think we assume others are ok. The inside of your daughter’s mind is going to be full of entirely different things to yours.
I would guess she’s fine, just pre occupied. Talk first, and then you can work out where to go from there.💐

CocoPops Fri 28-May-21 06:46:13

I have a hard working daughter with her own family, friends and interests. There was a time when I saw little of her except for a couple of minutes before and after my childminding sessions. They'd all come for dinner sometimes but never stayed long after the meal so we didn't have much of a chat.
The turning point came when I was cycling home one day and a voice shouted, "Mum". A brief chat followed and my daughter hurried off to meet a friend at a cafe for lunch.
It occured to me then that instead of merely hoping for more of my daughter's company I would need to take the initiative and invite her round to sink a few drinks one evening . She came. I had a bottle of wine I knew she liked, some nice snacks and I made sure I had some interesting and fun things to say and wouldn't be a boring old fart! We had a lovely time and I said "That was fun would you like to pop round again?" Now she pops round after the children have gone to bed every 2 or 3 weeks. I also entice her out for coffee or lunch occasionally and we walk our dogs together sometimes. When theatres and cinemas reopen maybe I'll entice her with tickets. So I hope you don't mind me suggesting something like the above for you Spam. Working at it like I do might pay off. I hope so. flowers

Carenza123 Sun 30-May-21 09:54:34

That is such an encouraging post Cocopops. I think we can get totally the wrong idea about our daughters at times. We assume that they are so busy and don’t have time for us, when in fact, we can regain a good relationship by inviting them to visit for a coffee/wine or just a walk together. When the chips are down - there is no-one like your mother. Cherish these times.