When I am gone.

I think in the case of a cremation some people feel strongly that blowing on the wind isn't something they want to happen to them and they go for an interment of ashes.

I personally don't think I'd be happy expecting my kids to pick up handfuls of me in ash form and cast me to the four winds. It would be more dignified (and less traumatic for them I imagine) to be interred.

I think in the case of the person I mentioned earlier who still has her parents ashes in her wardrobe, if there had been a plan set out in the will it would have been much easier for her and her siblings to follow the guidelines set out. Grieving must surely be hard enough without having to make difficult decisions and getting other people to think the same.

I definitely think that having a pre set out plan right down to the last detail of where the ashes will go would actually save a lot of angst for the ones left behind.

Cremation for me - but then, do not think any of my children would consider anything other than that. As for my ashes, I really do not care at all. When my parents were cremated I did not collect the ashes, just got the crem. to scatter them.

I did collect the ashes for my son - I was still in too much state of shock to think clearly at that point. Kept that for years, no idea what to do with it. Eventually, just scattered them around the garden.

As a Humanist - I believe we have one life - and need to live it as well as possible. When we die, we remain in the memories of our loved ones.

The money to cover the cost of my cremation is put away, I have also included amongst my papers some suggestions for music, etc I would like for this (but, know I will never know if any of my suggestions will be used), have also included a print out of a whole lot of nice poems - none of which mention god(s) or after-life.

My will is simple, my affairs in order. Just want to ensure that following my death there is as little trauma as possible for my children. What happens to my body at that point is totally immaterial to me.

Cremation for DH and me. Ashes retained until we're both gone, then ashes mixed together and a tree planted over us.

When I'm dead, I expect I won't care... so...
Ideally any useful bits that can help someone else (transplant) will be used and the leftovers can be disposed of in a cheap and relatively environmentally friendly way...
Hopefully I will be on good terms with my son who will mourn me and our relationship in his way... whether that be a burial or cremation... I won't mind (as long as he waits until I'm actually dead)
May sound a bit flippant but having had a life changing illness (brain tumour ) several years ago, I've come to terms with my own mortality and while I love life, I've no fear of dying... it does sadden me that I will leave my son... but aside from that...

I hope it doesn't happen for a long while, but I have discussed with my 3 sons what I want. No funeral, no gathering no service. Just cremated in the cheapest box then for them to cast my ashes on the southwest coast! Simple cheap(I'm paying) and due to the type of relationships we have there will be no need to spend thousands end up in debt. I don't need people to gather and be hypocritical, they don't get her while I'm alive so no need when I'm not there!

Direct cremation for me. I've told my children to spend the money that would have been spent on a funeral on a nice holiday somewhere where they can sit on a glorious beach and raise a glass to me! I don't want them to have to cope with a funeral either from the monetary point of view or the emotional one. Anything that makes it easier for loved ones left behind.

My husband and I have pre-arranged a direct cremation, which means that when we pop our clogs the company (Pure Cremations) will come and collect the body, take it away, cremate it, and then deliver the ashes to the family a few days later. No funeral, no fuss. And cheap compared to traditional funerals and burials etc. We are not religious, have no other family except our dear daughter and we would much rather leave money for her to spend on her own needs than on any of that stuff. She can keep our ashes or sprinkle them somewhere nice as she wishes.

Why not have your ashes interred at your husband's grave, as you suggest? Then you have the simplicity of cremation, your daughters only have one grave to deal with and there is no possibility of disagreement about where the ashes should go. When you're gone, you're gone, so it's a good idea to remove any possibility of difference of opinion now. You just never know what can come out of left field when someone dies, and I have known a relative write to the immediate family and object to their plans. If it's all written down by you, your daughters can simply say that these are your wishes.

I am donating my body to medical science as I don’t want my DS to have any expenses regarding the disposal of my body. If science can’t or won’t take me (they take very few as many causes of death make us useless!!) then son knows to do cheapest option available as that is my wish. My father was recently buried by his wife, not my mother (he wanted cremation as far as I was aware) in a reclaimed grave by a celebrant then an awful sandwich do at a golf club. Definitely not for me!

A funeral does not need to be a huge expense.

Do you not have pre-paid funerals in the UK? I assume that is where you live. We do here (Denmark). A scheme by which you decide with the firm of undertakers of your choice what you want and pay at today's prices for the entire package.

I suggest you look into whether such a scheme exists where you are.

We can likewise either pay in advance or leave money to be deducted from our estate for the upkeep of a grave by the local authority running the cemetary for the number of years that has to elapse before a burial site can be reused.

The cemetary where your husband is buried will be able to advise you as to whether this is possible and as to whether an urn containing your ashes can be interred in your husband's plot.

Have you discussed this with your daughters? I know it can be emotionally testing to do so, but really at our time of life we know that it is a help to those who outlive us if they have some idea of what we wanted.

I know I was greatly relieved that my parents had discussed their funeral arrangements with us while they were still hale and hearty. My son too saw my point when I said it is easy to discuss the whole issue of terminal care, death and burial before one is terminally ill, rather than after such a diagnosis has been made.

Putting off the discussion won't help either if we just fall down dead one day, which would be DH's preference, I may say.

Not morbid at all - very sensible, but please try to find out what your daughters would prefer.

My husband's wishes were to be cremated and this happened. But he wanted the ashes scattered in a favourite spot which had to be delayed because of family health problems. I think the bereaved need to be told just how many ashes there are. It was a tremendous shock to me and I hated them. I too will be cremated but my ashes will be interred as immediately as possible in the local churchyard.

I have yet to read up on the subject but I understand there is something called Remation. The body is destroyed by water. So no air pollution.

Cremation for me for sure. We have a small plot where my late DH, DS and DM are already inserted I shall be the last one to go down. My other DS will not be maintaining it, but we have paid for 99 years and after that it does not matter. Good all around. It is the most beautiful Crematorium, beautifully kept at all times and very peaceful. I go there once a month the rest of the time it is maintained for me.

It's an interesting subject, isn't it. I have found funerals to be a useful rite, a good way to say goodbye, so the Direct Cremation route doesn't appeal.
My sister and I split our mother's and father's ashes, and put them underneath some appropriately named roses. The bushes are doing rather well. That sounds a good move for mine, if the kids fancy it. Or under a tree. Whatever helps them, I won't care!

Interesting to read peoples views though
I was brought up by my dad, forever saying, if you bury me, I will come back and haunt you..

in other words cremation

and I read the Ka of Gifford Hilary as a youngster, yes, I liked horror back then!

and never forget that.. and as I am slightly claustrophobic keep telling my best friend not to let them fasten the coffin down.

I am a professed Christian and attend church, and very interested in most "spiritual" stuff, but firmly believe that
when we die or are dead, that it is only our soul/spirit, call it what you will survives and goes... who knows.. but the body is an empty shell,, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, said at gravesides? don`t understand that... cremation for me, and the exorbitant costs of some of these funerals..

though my dh was over 80 years of age and died of a longish illness it was still a huge shock that he died, well the hospital had told us that he was coming home! hmmm!

had no funeral costs, never even given it a thought,, couple of hundred pounds?!!! well the "cheapest" was over £3,000

so I think .. well you can guess..

I recall now , even my mum used to say, no expensive , flowery , funeral for me,, just chuck me on the garden fire!

however, death is still a shock, and will remain , imo, the biggest mystery of all.

Both my husband and I can’t bear the thought of being buried so it’s cremation for us,

My father’s ashes were scattered at the crematorium by the staff, this was nearly 50 years ago.

When my mother died, 17 years ago, I wanted somewhere ‘to go’ so we had her ashes interred in her parents grave in a little country churchyard, in the village where she lived when young. She is surrounded by other relatives and friends and neighbours she knew years ago.

It’s very peaceful, I go occasionally to tidy up and put flowers on. The memorial plaque says ‘At Rest’, and that’s how it feels.

Just ask them to surprise you.

@MerylStreep

My friends mother donated her body to science , and had done for many years.
When she died, they told the family they didn't need her as they had surplus.

I have already planned and paid for my funeral as I have no family (well, ha ha, anyone that still speaks to me !) and a cremation suits me fine ....my late husband died when we lived in France, so I imported his ashes .....due to the rigmarole in having then released from France and the requirements of the Gendarmerie to issue a certificate of transport, the hassle with airlines and the specifics on the container, size and materials, I put him in a box in the removal van and bought him back to the UK that way ...luckily the two young removal men were great ! When I finished loading only my clothes (left all furniture etc behind ) I said ;could you take my husband back with you ? they said where is he ? so I produced the container of ashes ......we put it into a blanket and put it in a box....he was back in the UK 3 months before me, whilst I stayed and finalised everything back there....no one asked me where the ashes were ! As he said when I asked him some time before about his wishes when he died he said 'Well, it won't bother me, as it won't be my problem' .......goo philosophy ! On my travel insurance policy I have written that I do not need my body repatriating ...what's the point ? someone else can have my paid up funeral ........but I do understand some people are not like me ....but if you make your wishes known, then what you want to happen will !

Oh Bluebelle, you've brightened my day - when I got to the part about buying a new gas stove, I nearly choked on my coffee, as I had an image of DIY cremation! (Sorry, don't mean to lower the tone).
Seriously though, why not discuss your thoughts with your daughter and see what she thinks and take it from there. I'm not sure if the costs differ widely between burial or cremation, I suppose it comes down to what you want regarding the service, etc.
No, you're not being morbid at all, but sensible in my view.

Yes. It’s not straightforward donating to medical schools. They do not accept all donations, and my friend’s husband’s body was not accepted during Covid. They still return remains for cremation afterwards, even when they are used.

Definitely direct cremation for me. I’ve always found funerals such an ordeal, and I still fervently wish that I’d had the courage not to go to my mother’s funeral nearly 40 years ago. I definitely don’t want to put my children through that. I’ve never understood the need to “say goodbye,” not that I’m saying it’s wrong, just not for me. My mother said to me before she died she didn’t want any flowers, she’d rather have them when she was alive! The cost of a quite basic funeral seems so extortionate, but I also recognise how important it is to some people,

My sister and I have both decided on cremation as neither of us had children and we will be the last of the family. There will be no-one to tend to graves and I hate to think that my parents and my aunt and uncles I look after will just go to pot, no more flowers on them when we go.
My ashes are going into the Atlantic, at a little harbour up the Antrim Coast, it's a beautiful spot and I always went there with my mum.

I will be cremated and ashes scattered on the river I love. I don't want anyone to feel that they had to look after or visit my remains. I won't be there anyway....my soul will be flying free....