When I am gone.

I think in the case of a cremation some people feel strongly that blowing on the wind isn't something they want to happen to them and they go for an interment of ashes.

I personally don't think I'd be happy expecting my kids to pick up handfuls of me in ash form and cast me to the four winds. It would be more dignified (and less traumatic for them I imagine) to be interred.

I think in the case of the person I mentioned earlier who still has her parents ashes in her wardrobe, if there had been a plan set out in the will it would have been much easier for her and her siblings to follow the guidelines set out. Grieving must surely be hard enough without having to make difficult decisions and getting other people to think the same.

I definitely think that having a pre set out plan right down to the last detail of where the ashes will go would actually save a lot of angst for the ones left behind.

I want a direct cremation with nobody crying at the grave. I don't even want a service of any kind I think it is a waste of money and I hate funerals.
Btw not told the DC yet. They can decide when the time comes. After all they are the ones who are left.

You can have your ashes interred in your husband's grave travelnan. My m.i.l. has decided when the time comes that that's what she wants to do, rather than being buried with her husband.

That's really hard and definitely frustrating Witzend, and yet I suspect it's more common than parents realise when they decide to be cremated. I'd say it's a good idea to chat to kids and see what they feel able to accept - and to include it in your will what you want to be done, so your kids will have to agree.

It's a tricky one!

Onwardandupward, I still have my mother’s ashes on a shelf - she died in 2015. Trouble is, one sibling out of the 4 can’t agree on where to scatter her - with my father, who died many years previously.
My brother has him, or at least, the last time he was asked he said, ‘I’ve got something that could be the old man, or it could be the scrapings out of the log burner.’

Should add that my father would only have laughed - he didn’t give a toss about what happened to what was left of him.

There is such a nice place locally where IMO it’d be lovely to scatter them together - somewhere I’m 100% sure will never be built on -- but I can’t get the one sibling to agree! It’s not as if she makes any practical alternative suggestions, either.
Very frustrating!

Some ppl do seem horrified when the urn comes back as its so small compared to the person- and I think many struggle to open it, so interrment could work better.
My kids are horrified at the thought of cremation so even less likely to want to touch ashes.

Polarbear2

Kind of a tangent but my cousin carries a few of her mother’s ashes in a little jar in her handbag. Weirds me out! Each to their own I know. She talks to the jar and says her mother is enjoying being out and about with her. ?

Ahhh thats a bit strange! Like the person I know who has her parents ashes in her wardrobe so they are close to her!
I knew the parent and know they would be horrified to be kept in the wardrobe. They wanted to be scattered at sea, but after living in the wardrobe at least ten years it doesnt seem likely she can let go.

I’ve just checked local undertakers and a Direct Cremation with no service cost £1.700 + which I thought quite pricey.
I will research woven eco coffins on internet next. Perhaps useful as a storage chest til time comes

Cremation for me, and the cheaper the better. I simply do not see the point in spending huge amounts of money on a flashy funeral, headstone etc and then those left behind maintaining and cleaning it for years on end, then getting to the point where they're no longer able to do so themselves.
Visiting a grave regularly might be a comfort to some but does it really mean they loved their dear departed any more than someone whose ashes are scattered in a favourite beauty spot......No it doesn't!
The only people benefitting from a fancy funeral are the undertakers.

Peasblossom

My husband was cremated and his ashes buried in a Woodland Cemetery with an oak tree planted there. When I die I will be cremated and my ashes scattered in the same spot. Then we will both become part of the living tree.

I won’t have a funeral but the family can gather together then, if they want.

It was a big relief to realised I didn’t have to have a funeral.

That sounds lovely.
Hope you don't mind my asking, but have you done one of those pre-planned and prepaid arrangements? We have been considering that recently as we have no children and I have no siblings. I think it would set my mind at ease somehow to know that everything was already sorted and no-one else would have to be troubled.

Kind of a tangent but my cousin carries a few of her mother’s ashes in a little jar in her handbag. Weirds me out! Each to their own I know. She talks to the jar and says her mother is enjoying being out and about with her. ?

Direct crémation organised and paid for both of us, instructions for a few beers later. Children are aware with no issues.

I took care of my mother and fathers burial and they are buried together. My gran is at the same cemetery and also
several aunts and uncles. I would like to go there and have a funeral plan.
I still occasionally visit my mum and dads grave but not as much as I used to. My problem is that my own children have no interest in visiting their nans grave even though they loved her very much but cemeteries are not what they do.
I do not speak to my two daughters much due to a fallout
(a long story) so when I go perhaps my son can carry out my wishes or otherwise I don't know what will happen.

In my ideal world I just want to be put with the ashes of one dog that has passed away and the two I still have will get cremated and then I will have their ashes as well. This is not the common I know but my dogs have brought such happiness to my life so having their ashes with me would be great and I will be resting in peace with my companions.
No everyone's cup of tea but it would be mine.

We chose a willow coffin for my adult son's cremation. Wishing to be environmentally friendly we bought the coffin from a firm in Somerset who weave them locally. Many wicker coffins are imported from China etc. Therefore not so kind to the environment. Coffins cost from £400 - £900.

My DH wants as little fuss as possible and as the crematorium is just up the road from us, he has suggested we load him into the wheelbarrow and deliver him there. I will also discuss with his children what they want done with his ashes as it is more important to them than my DH. His mother is still sitting on top of the wardrobe after spending a couple of years in the boot of his car. He felt she would have wanted to have been with him for as long as possible so she would have been happy with that.
I want to be cremated but I will ask for my ashes to be scattered/buried at my daughter's grave. For my eldest boy, he will want somewhere to visit and as his sister is still in his heart in a big way, that will be a comfort to him. The others have the view that when you're dead, that's it.

It is a tricky situation.I'd like to be cremated but my family prefer a burial.Either way I am dead! Its the living who go on without us and their wishes need to be taken into account.We have some bitterness in our family after my father's cremation then burial in a small plot,no headstone allowed but a little plaque.My siblings,who never had a pre death conversation,never knew that a cremation was on the cards!These things are best to be discussed with our children/partners/parents ect so that everyone's feelings can be accounted for,I have asked my adult children what their wishes would be for themselves and us as their parents.Again,the living are saying their final goodbyes and need somewhere to feel close to the deceased.I personally would not like to be scattered in the wind or sea,or kept in a wardrobe(I know several deceased who are now in wardrobes for eterntity) My only main wish is,if I passed away before my little dog,that my family are to sneak and bury her on top of me somehow(half joking,half seriously).

It’s funny how many people think that talking about death is morbid, but I guess there is an element of fear thinking about one’s own demise. I think it’s a good idea to discuss with those close to you, or at least write down your wishes, to make life easier for them when you’re gone.
I’m not sentimental about what happens to my body after death. I think a natural burial probably the greenest, but wouldn’t like to involve my family in any excess expense, so will opt for a direct cremation, perhaps with a separate humanist celebration after.
Interesting what you say about wicker and cardboard coffins Luckygirl.

Cremation and ashes scattered somewhere beautiful or offer body to science. There is no way I want to be breakfast, lunch and dinner for many years to insects. Besides, with ground shifting bodies seldom stay where they are put initially. I know this for a fact as I once had a friend who was a gravedigger. Add to this the number of neglected graves you see in a cemetery.

Cremation for me and then scattered in a woodland. I have no desire to be ‘visited’. I’ve lost a brother and my dad and none of us visit the ‘site’ where ashes were scattered. Agree with my mum who said the memories are in my heart. We don’t need decorations.

Direct cremation and no funeral for me, wouldn't want my kids lumbered with expenses, even a fairly simple affair at a crematorium is quite expensive!

I think cremation is more practical. I've left instructions for no funeral and just scatter my ashes somewhere nice.

grannyactivist - when my OH died last year we looked into a wicker coffin and they cost a load!!! Serious money! Even the cardboard ones were more expensive than the bottom-of-the-range wooden one we chose.

As trees are being planted for the climate, why can’t new local woods be made up of ‘donated money’ for a tree with a plaque.
I would like my ashes to be left on a Surrey hill.

My father died last month and for various reasons we decided on a Direct Cremation - no service, no mourners not even family. Sounds unfeeling but Mum was very happy with that and us 4 children were too. We found Dad's papers later where he had written Direct Cremation so we had, without realising it, carried out his wishes. So much cheaper as well.

muffinthemoo I had never heard of Aura Flights.
I'm gobsmacked!

www.ashesinspace.co.uk/