Cremation that no-one attends

If the person him- or herself has chosen this, then obviously we have to respect their choice.

Unfortunately, whatever one chooses, it is as well to discuss it with your nearest when you make up your mind, as otherwise it can come as a shock.

I had a dear friend whom I had literally known all my life who left no instructions at all about her funeral, although she had made her will and died at the age of 86, after some weeks in hospital where she was aware the end was approaching.

Her nephews and their wives who were responsible for making arrangements and who had loved her dearly, where distressed because they had no idea what their aunt had wanted, and opted for simple cremation, which to me was just not what their aunt would ever have chosen.

So do, please, leave clear directions, and preferably discuss them with your family while you are still hale and hearty.

Nor could I cope with a knees up after the death of a loved one. We had respectful wakes, food, and chatting. Many hugs with family members.

Rosie51

My feeling is that funerals are for the living, not the dead. While I'd always respect and uphold the type of funeral someone had personally wanted, I would hope they would give some thought to the impact it might make on those left behind. For many, the grieving process could be hampered by the lack of any "marking" of the dead person's life.

Absolutely agree with this. I couldn’t have coped if my parents had wanted this. I needed the closure a proper funeral brings. Of course the grieving goes on afterwards but the funeral does finalise things.

There are many companies now offering this service, but your local undertaker can also arrange. I don't think they are a lot cheaper, especially if you use one of the national companies but obviously you will not have to pay for the add on bits, e.g a celebrant, order of service, extra cars( you would still need the hearse) organist. Obviously the council have their fees and your loved ones would still be expected to collect the ashes for either buriel or scattering. At our local crematorium they usually take them in for 8.30am before the others funerals.

This is an old thread, resurrected by Spammers, although I appreciate some GNs may want to add to it.

My next door neighbour had a celebration for her husband in a hotel . The coffin was present . People stood up and spoke about him and his favourite music was played .
After about 90 minutes, the funeral directors took his coffin away to be cremated. It was different but a lovely way to say goodbye.

Your DHs celebration sounds wonderful Iam64 and I’m a humanist but I agree with you about rituals, to commemorate important life/death events.
It doesn’t need presence at a cremation or church service, but I think a get together to mark the death and to celebrate the life of the loved one is meaningful.

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That’s my feeling maddyone, that funerals are for the living. That means commemorating the loved one in the way that helps us mark the end of their life on earth.
I believe rituals are an important part of helping us make sense of life’s joys, losses, significant events and more.
They don’t bring ‘closure’ but they’re a key staging post for me

It sounds as lovely as you can get Iam and you celebrated your husband’s life in a way that you and his friends and family wanted.

I agree with Rosie’s comment way back near the beginning of the thread. Funerals are not for the deceased, they are for the living. Most people need some sort of closure, and the memories evoked at the ceremony, and then the relief of tension later at the wake really helps many people. My mother died recently, I cried through much of the service, led by our lovely local minister who we know well through our (not very frequent) attendances at church, but it was totally about mum, through the wonderful speeches given by my two sons, and even included words written by my daughter in New Zealand. My sister’s children didn’t want to speak but added memories to their cousins to include.

I wouldn’t have felt at all comfortable without that important event in my life. I needed it to remember and honour my mother. I haven’t finished grieving of course, that goes on for much longer than this. Every day I think of mum. Many days I cry a little and I miss her. But I’m glad we did the service and wake, it was important to me and to my sister. Funerals are for the living.

We had a wonderful service at our Church, every seat taken. A committal for family members only at a woodland remembrance park near our home. Then a cracking wake in a venue a mile from home/the Church. We celebrated mr i in style, great music, place full of family and friends. Good food and great talk, plus big hugs 💙

A friend did this for her dh. There was still a traditional service in the church, and a good ‘do’ in the nearby village pub afterwards - which is the thing her dh would have really enjoyed.

Yes, this is the way planned for my departure. Simple. No fuss. No misery.

My brother’s mother-in-law opted for this. It seems very sensible to me, and I only wish my parents had been aware of the possibility. Both left their bodies to medical research, but my mother for some reason wasn’t accepted. We had a farcical funeral. She never went to church and was totally irreligious, so it was some unknown person mouthing platitudes at the crematorium. Just awful. A simple cremation would have been so much better.

My friend did this for her late husband, this year. She said he never liked a fuss. She then donated the "funeral money" which they'd put aside earlier, to the repertory theatre company which he'd always enjoyed. I thought it was very appropriate.

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I've told my family just to make sure I am dead, not in a coma or anything, then take me out to sea and feed me to the sharks - well, fish! (We live at the coast).
By that time my soul will have left my body and it will just be an empty shell, no pun intended tho it did make me chuckle!
Of course, they can't do that, at least not legally. But they can have a low cost funeral and have a good old knees up sometime afterwards, if that's what they want!
I know of someone who paid for their own funeral, including cars to the cemetery but not back. Well, he wasn't going to be riding back so why should they? ?
I'm of the opinion that funerals are way too pricey & overrated!
I hope nobody is offended by this.

Mind you if you are exceedingly unpleasant in life you may have a mourner free cremation de facto

P.s.
My late father's ashes we scattered of the back of a boat ( ex navy man )!and I'm a tree lover so I expect it will be in a garden or woodland by my girls.

Mine is with Pure cremation. It's £1700 and job done. Includes the collection of my body and my cremation and ashes split in two, delivered to my two adult children . So then they can scatter me and invite whoever if indeed they want on the scattering or whatever they want to do with me . Sooo simply. Why spend all that at a funeral and wake. Much better for family who can create their own closure and byes without a disappearing coffin.

Glad to have helped Here crematorium are usually/often located in cemeteries, with one or two chapels. They normally have a nice garden area known as the Garden of Remembrance, where some people have the ashes scattered. Both my parent's ashes were scattered in one. They have the most wonderful rose beds! Many have books of remembrance where a dedication to the loved ones can be recorded, and they are open each day for viewing on the anniversary of the death. Not at all industrial, I understand your initial horror now!

Thanks for the clarification Rosie! Yikes, had me frightened...

I think crematoriums here are more industrial type, with no public access. Service happens after cremation, with ashes present.