Bedtime bad behaviour

Teacheranne

I’m afraid I was an awful aunt when I had my niece and nephew for sleepovers! Bed time was very late, after playing board games we got out blankets, spread them on the floor and watched a film that the children chose, eating popcorn or other treats. Bedtime was very late and they were allowed to stay in bed as long as they wanted in the morning playing on iPads so that I did not have to get up!

I have to say they loved coming to stay with me in the school holidays!

Now that's a PROPER staying with granny experience!
My grandsons stay up late watching a movie with Grandad (giving me time to clear up) or we all play a board game. Or both.
No devices in bedrooms though! But they are too tired to moan and go straight to sleep (usually around 9 - 9.30ish).

I used to sometimes put the clock forward.

Hide the clocks and keep them up later.

I'm sure the op knows that, but she is looking for ways and means to reduce the time piddling about every night.

OP

If the parents' rules are that inconvenient, you can choose not to look after them.

I wondered if they organised such an early bedtime because they wanted some time to themselves in the evening.

It's not working though, is it!

I thought perhaps the parents organised such an early bedtime routine because one of them had to depart for a night shift, but it seems as though they require child-free time, and the children have sensed this, hence their disruptive behaviour.
The parents really do need to think about what they are doing. If the children are attending after school classes, aged five (?), they are going to need more attention at home, not less.

Good advice V3ra! I'll get organised for next time! x

You obviously know what is a sensible bedtime routine, and many people have reinforced it on here.
I wouldn't discuss it with the parents to be honest, I think their reasons for it all are a bit sad especially when you offer them child-free breaks as well.

I'd start from the other side next time the boys stay with you: tell them what happened at bedtime in your house when their daddy was their age.
Explain that all this silly messing around is for babies really, it's not what "the big boys" do.

Sit them down and draw up a bedtime routine for while they're at yours that you can all agree on, eg tea, bath, stories, film, quiet time, whatever you want to include.
Make them a chart each to follow and either tick off or have "well done" stickers for each step for the evenings they're with you.
Get them to "own" their behaviour now they're no longer babies.
Have a token "big boys" treat or outing they can each aspire to achieving.

I think if you approach this calmly, affectionately and consistently you will get there. They might even decide they want to do it at home as well.

Hithere

I wouldnt talk to your dd and sil about the night time routine - their parenting decisions, not yours.

Yes, but it is affecting us when we look after the children!

Those children are running rings round the parents with all the bedtime shenanigans, but as everyone else has pointed out, it’s all linked to bedtime being far too early.

The idea of the rest of the household having to keep perfectly silent is madness!

I wouldnt talk to your dd and sil about the night time routine - their parenting decisions, not yours.

Thanks everyone. You have confirmed my belief that the bedtime is just crazy! (I thought maybe some others would come on and say that their DC imposed routines like this - but obviously not!)
I assure those of you who doubted that they carry out this routine at home that they certainly do, I have witnessed it many times! As some have said, it is more for their (parents) benefit so they can have some 'couples' time in the evenings. DS works and didn't see the children at all during the week, but sinch Covid he has been WFH, so sees more of them.
I have already tried to broach the subject with my DIL and son and will try again. I know they have DGC have their names down for after school classes next term, so surely that will mean a more normal bedtime.
Parents are back this evening, so I'll be handing the kids over to them!

Perhaps the bedtime has been bought forward to accommodate 2 hours of messing about?
Not much fun for anyone.

I’m with the divide and conquer brigade though I cannot for the life of me see why they have to go to bed at such an hour! Means that in term time life is essentially school and bed!

I would definitly keep them up a bit later and then supper, hot bath, story and bed. No messing around with running about they would have a stern talking to. Let them have a couple of books to look at while they drop off and a reward the next day with a treat they would enjoy for being good.

Our grandchildren realize that the routine here may vary from when they are at home. Your grandchildren are being put to bed very early. Ours are aged 3 and 6. Youngest is in bed for about 6.30 eldest between 7 and 7 30. One story each - no negotiation about that ! They both sleep well. Perhaps asking your GC to practice their reading just before bed is too much pressure . Bathing together too can cause chaos , they don't need a bath every night . It does seem that they are simply not ready to sleep. A slightly later bedtime may help too. Along side that a firm attitude from parents making it very clear that they are not prepared to tolerate their behaviour any longer . You have every right to tell your GC and their parents that unless bedtime behaviour improves then their visits will stop. If the children laugh and don't believe you ,then call their bluff and refuse to have them over night . It seems such a shame when they behave so well during the day. Stick to your guns , you don't deserve this ! When their behaviour eventually improves the children will be happier. They are obviously able to behave during the day so a change is possible. My believe is that children of that age are able to understand that the rules at Grandma's differ from rules in their own home. Be firm with your son and daughter in law and their children. Go for it and good luck !!!!!

If they were girls, some gentle hair brushing would have helped.
My DD always found it difficult to go t sleep but on hair wash nights, if I dried her hair gently with a warm hairdryer and brush, she'd zonk out!

Yes, calmness, stories.

I agree with others this is very early for their age, quite possibly they are just not tired.

May be set a later bedtime but with a short quite time prior to actually going to bed. Then perhaps 2 stories and then let them look at books by themselves until they're ready to sleep.

Yep here’s another one that agrees , it’s far far too early, mine used to go to bed 8.30 on school holidays and no bath before bedtime as it woke them up, and no TV for half an hour before bedtime.
You can’t live creeping around the house for 2 hours for heavens sake.
Keep them up, what they do at their parents is their choice
Granny’s house is Granny rules, especially when the rules are wrong for these particular children.

Thats far too early imo.
No wonder they are playing up,personally i would keep them up until around 8pm and not tell the parents.

ps
I should add, snuggling under a duvet on that sofa watching TV also puts them in sleep mode, but strictly no giggley games with toes or suchlike. If they were girls, some gentle hair brushing would have helped.
They need a calm atmosphere.

That's 2 pages full of the same advice, they are being sent to bed too early.
But you know that.
Do you think perhaps the parents are hoping you'll be able to retrain them in a few days?
I specialised in Early Years and our (out of date I admit) training was to not wind them up with boisterous games to tire them out before bedtime, but to calm them down with quiet reading or jigsaws, sitting together on the sofa watching a quiet (not hysterically funny or loud car-chases and such) dvd or TV programme. Keep your voices low and gentle, no tickling games or anything stimulating ....
But a good 2 hrs later than 6pm!

Gosh, they are ruling the roost. This sort of behaviour should have been nipped in the bud at the beginning, they know they can get away with it. They will be getting over excited, no wonder they don’t go to sleep. Maybe bedtime a little later would help but the parents need to stop the bedtime nonsense.

I would amend the bedtime to later. Say 7.30 or 8. Keep the bathtime, because that is their routine.

I'd also add in some warm milk and read more stories.

My grandson has to have about 5 stories, because with each one, he calms down a little more. By the last story, he is often cuddling up to me, half asleep already. The milk will also help them feel sleepy.

As others have said, I would split them up. Story time separately. AND someone on duty upstairs until they're asleep. If my DGS doesn't go to sleep straight away, knowing I'm in the room next to him keeps him in bed until he IS ready to sleep.