No Contact by DIL's?

As a 3 yr old DS fell in love with a blonde doll I had as a child, it went with us to visit the in laws and I was accused by FIL of bringing DS up ‘to be gay’ - we didn’t speak much after that!

I was married in 1972 . My husband was the second of six children and his mother was widowed when the oldest was 14 and the youngest was 2 . She ended up with 3 DIL and 2 SIL and we all got on with her very well .
She moved near to my DM when they both retired and became very good friends going to pensioners clubs together 3 times a week . There was a tiny bit of grandchildren rivalry between them , each hoping to be the first one with any news of my 3 children .

You're right fritherdog you couldn't make it up, and why would you want too.

I'm so sorry, I know what it's like to have GC you're not allowed to have any contact with.

It really hurts when your daughter in law decides you can’t see your grandchildren any more- mine is holding a grudge because my other son left his girlfriend who happened to be the dil’s sister! You couldn’t make it up!

It's a real shame when any GP is denied access to their GC because the children's mother or father doesn't like them. It's such a shame when an AC estranges their parents and other family members because their partner doesn't like them.

As previously posted, I think it was on this thread, I refused to tolerate my m.i.l.'s unpleasantness so had no contact for about 7 years but, I didn't want or expect Mr. S. to not have no contact with her either, or for her to be unable to see our boys.

My own MIL spent the first two years of our marriage avoiding getting to know me despite the fact that we lived 15 minutes away. After we moved away and had kids, we invited her often (and offered to pay as it was cheaper for us than buying 4 plane tickets), she always refused. When we were able to visit her with the kids, a feat at any time in history, she would insist on us staying at her house and then never be there. We would literally sit around twiddling our thumbs waiting for her to grace us with her presence.

She has met our children twice in 18 years, her choice. Yet she STILL has the gall to call herself Grandmother to our children. She just this year, said to my husband, "I don't understand why I don't have a relationship with DIL (me)".

She has done some very nasty things to her own son and I didn't cut her off until I saw him break down in tears after years of seeking her approval and love and ask why she doesn't care about him or his children.

Yet the picture she presents to the world is the most loving, doting grandmother. People think she is the best thing since sliced bread. Just SO NICE! How could ANYONE not love her.

I have never stopped my husband from having a relationship with her. He made that choice. And he did that, not because of her horrible treatment of him and his family, but because each time he did reach out she would bully him and ask why she didn't see him more. He should be at her beck and call. We should spend every vacation we have visiting her. She just doesn't understand how he could be so cruel. She wants to see the grandkids, but only on her terms and we are mean because we don't comply. And of course, it is all my fault. I am the difficult DIL who wont allow her to see my children.

I am never going to win with her, so I stopped playing the game. That is on her, not me.

GG65 I have only just realised that I commented twice on your reply. Apologies!

Just a suggestion for communicating may I suggest a group text then there’s no relying on one person to respond. I text my son and daughter-in-law all together. Whichever is able or has the knowledge replies.

I’ve put up with my MIL’s unpleasantness for over 40 years. Since her husband died and hasn’t there to suck up the poison it’s got worse. I wouldn’t speak to a dog in the way she speaks to us. I finally had enough this spring and have stopped having anything to do with her although I still do all her paperwork, shopping, admin etc. Unfortunately my husband (an only child) thinks that I should just put up with it, like he does. It was making me ill and I felt that I had to protect myself. Our daughters have also withdrawn from her because of the way she treats me.

I’m Afraid I do not like Mumsnet.

I thought I’d have a look ? and see what I might be missing.

The use of swear words were used frequently. I also thought they were crude in their use of language.

The word ‘bitchy’ comes to mind.

I much prefer Gransnet.

There are two sides to every story so maybe the MIL's deserved it. The sad thing is that the children miss out and that is where the whole thing falls down for me. My Mum was someone where we probably should have gone NC because she was insidious with her undermining us with the children but we made the decision to always be there when the children were visiting her until they were old enough to see for themselves what the score was. They all love her but recognise that she has her faults, probably from damage from her childhood which makes them empathetic rather than judgemental.

I personally instituted NC with my whole family (parents, sister, cousins, aunts and uncles etc) except my 2 sons several years ago.
I'm so much healthier and happier without all their poison in my life!

I see statuses all the time on fb saying things about mother in laws - aunts, sisters, etc not `performing` as they should.
I seen one from my pregnant neice saying `if you don`t show interest in this pregnancy you won`t see this baby ????????` It was just general but showed how she feels.
I thought you just congratulated someone on being pregnant and then made a fuss once baby arrived!
No getting it right these days.

Madgran77

Sorry, my last response was to GG65 as I have said several times that we do not agree, so be it!

Sheilasue I am so sorry for your awful experience.

Yes Madgran, and I happily backed off from the discussion last night.

But you did engage me again this afternoon on the point and quite honestly, it’s completely unfair for you to expect me not to respond a second time.

Many husbands seem too scared or unwilling to disagree with or challenge their wives, even when they are treating MIL badly or unkindly. I often wonder why, but I suppose they want to keep the peace between husband and wife first and foremost otherwise they'll get NC too.

Sorry, my last response was to GG65 as I have said several times that we do not agree, so be it!

Sheilasue I am so sorry for your awful experience.

Sheilasue, I am so very, very sorry. It's something I could not possibly imagine, so fortunate that I am.

I deeply loved my first iLs, I was the daughter they never had. I had a deep and meaningful relationship with them until the day they died. Their funerals were the saddest days of my life.

Despite divorcing their son 11 years earlier we were all on Esther Ranzen, with my 2nd husband as well. It was a programme about MiLs, she wasn't very interested in us as we were so obviously happy together! She just wanted women to diss their MiLs.

They came to family dos, and meals with both my second and third husbands. My daughter's wedding was hilarious. In the first row was myself, my 3rd husband, son and first husband (father of my children) his 3rd wife. All English, except 3rd wife who is Phillipinno. Behind us was my 2nd husband, Indian. My English 1st in laws, MiL by this time was so anti 2nd husband that asked my best friend (French) and her husband (Chinese) to sit between them. Talk about United Nations, SiLs family and parent's friends looked on aghast!

I never had an Indian MiL, would have loved to, but she was in Pakistan and I never got there before she died a couple of years into our relationship. 3rd husband's mother was also absolutely lovely.

My 1st MiL was such an example, that I hope I h ave turned into a good MiL. I get on extremely well with my DiL who adores my son, given me a wonderful DGD. I am always welcome to stay when I go back to England. She has also insisted on most visits that DS and I have time on our own. Her mother is also lovely and is a very good MiL to my son.

Once when my son had medical problems my DiL was very concerned about me and was preparing to take second place. I firmly told her that she was now the most important woman in his life. She looked quite shocked! Love her to bits, like a second daughter. When she was much younger she often asked for my advice, which I took as a huge compliment. Now she is older and a wonderful mother and career woman she doesn't need my advice but we can have long conversations about important things.

Sheilasue Just horrendous. Words escape me really. What has happened to you is too painful to comprehend. So sorry you’ve had to experience such grief. Thank goodness you have your gd

Daftbag1

I wish I had a MIL, mine died before I met my husband. I'd love the support and love of another woman, particularly now that !y own mother has died......deep sigh......

Hugs!
I've been married twice and never had a father-in-law. I would have loved another father figure, although thankfully my own father lived to see both marriages.

Reading through this makes me realise how lucky I am. My daughter-in-law is a wonderful mummy - kind, caring and considerate to my needs, as well as to those of my son and the children.
I see the children as often as I want to (2 or 3 times a week) and I love both them and her.
She is Slovakian and I wonder if other cultures (Eastern European and so on) perhaps have a different view of women?
Having said that, my daughter's husband is lovely too and he's from Lincolnshire!! Lol.

I thank my lucky stars that both my DILs are lovely girls & I get on really well with them. We have never had any problems & had all the children to stay for weekends a lot when their parents wanted to go out for the night. I got on well with the other GPS too. I think reading some of these messages we have been very lucky.

I wish I had a MIL, mine died before I met my husband. I'd love the support and love of another woman, particularly now that !y own mother has died......deep sigh......

Thank you TerriBull, Like so many, we (nor the rest of our family ) have not been allowed to see/speak etc to two of our Gd's (Son & DiL's) We have always sent cards and pressies but never known whether they were intercepted, thrown away or given under another name perhaps and obviously never had a Thankyou from them, in fact after 11 years we wouldn't recognise them if we passed them in the street. Just writing this makes my eyes fill with tears which is a totally useless thing, I feel that we will never see them ever. We have through no fault of our own been denied this love and friendship at a time in our lives when we should be able to make the most of them growing up. Part of me hopes that they in turn treat their parents in the same way although I know that 2 wrongs don't make a right. Luckily we have more loving Grandchildren

Oh Sheilasue…….I am so very sorry. I really am. My heart is aching and breaking for you and your GD. This has been an eye-opener for all of us who complain about our dils. for you and your lovely GD xx