Being the mum of the son of new granddaughter

Some not done

Don’t the young couple want done space ?

The “other mum” is there everyday ?? Good heavens that’s a bit OTT isn’t it ?

Hi Elizabeth, firstly congratulations on the safe arrival of your granddaughter. What an exciting time for everyone. I am the mother of three sons one of whom has a long term partner and one son, and one of whom is married with three sons of his own. I have been very lucky not to have felt left out in any way. I now live 2 minutes walk away from the 2 youngest grandchildren and see them often.
One piece of advice would be to let your first gift be something small but thoughtful for the mum. Tempting though it is to buy tiny pink clothes resist for the time being -there will be time enough for that. Flowers, special chocolate, or whatever just for mum and then take it from there. Remember that her mum's first question will have been along the lines of "how are you, are you okay". That's very important ?

Good advice upthread. Especially from Septimia, your GC will forge a relationship because of the person you are. Be yourself and as she grows involve her with your interests.
We have sons who have daughters. Our home is always welcoming, not particularly tidy, with lots of things for them to do, both in and out. The GDs seem to like us

I too have a son with two children. At first I felt like you but soon realised that the MiL/DiL needs more work. I have worked hard to be the fun granny, the one who doesn't make demands, the one who shows as much concern for my DiL as I do her children. It has paid off. The children are 6 and 3 and I have a lovely relationship with the whole family.

I cannot say there have been blips along the way but if you lower your expectations you will not be disappointed.

I haven't been in the same boat as OP, because I, and the other GPs lived too far from my sons' families to have regular contact. I did, however, manage to see each one of them on Day One, as I was visiting, and hoping to be helpful at the time - then I had to go home again. There's never been any competition between me and the maternal MiLs, one of whom sadly died five years ago and I attended her funeral.
I know this is all irrelevant to the OP, but I do recommend having a life of your own, apart from ACs and GCs. My being an independent granny doesn't make my lovely, mainly teenage, GC any less affectionate and I still get some amazing hugs from them!

Congratulations Elizbeth on your new granddaughter. I have a son who lives nearby with his family and DILs mum lives about an hour and a half drive away. Because of this I am the Gran on hand. When baby was born I gave the family space for a few weeks to let them settle into life as a family. Then we chatted and I asked her what she wanted from me and Grandad. I let her know I was there any time she wanted any help in any way. . As a result we had DGS one afternoon in the week so she had some me time or as she said time for a relaxing bath with no distractions. When baby was about 6 weeks I saw a phone in on TV about coping with a new baby. Something that was brought up was to ask mum how SHE was as everyone just asks about baby. Next time I saw her I did this and she really appreciated it and said no one had asked her that. Quite a simple thing. So I would say just talk.

Congratulations Elizbeth.. It's wonderful to have a grandaughter and I hope you enjoy her. I'm the mother of sons and was very apprehensive about feeling left out when my first granddaughter was born (I've got 3 now). But I was lucky enough to gradually find my place in their lives. The other grandparents were the ones who bought lots of things, but I was the one who took them out. My Dils seemed happy to have a break while I wheeled babies out in their pram, and took them to the swingpark or the beach when they were older. Just be patient for a while and I'm sure you will find you place in their lives somehow.

It’s only natural to feel a wee bit jealous, and I commend you for realising that’s what you’re feeling and coming here to have a vent with us rather than to the new parents.

How often do you want to be there? You can’t help your feelings at all, but you can have a wee think about how realistic your expectations are.

As others have said her mum is there for her as much as the baby and if that’s what she wants as a recovering mum who’s leaking and hormonal then I don’t think it’s too much to ask for.

Congratulations on the new addition to your extended family!

As she grows, your granddaughter will forge a special relationship because of you, not how much time you spend with her.

I didn't feel ready for a grandchild, but we just seemed to click. We live 5+ hours apart, but always really enjoy the time we have together.

It's so easy for that green eyed monster of envy to take over when we see the 'other' granny getting more baby time than ourselves. I still feel it even though the grandchildren are adults, and I can't help it. I do hope you cope better than I did.

As the mother of two sons with three grandchildren between them my advice would be don't get jealous. It is natural for daughters to want their mums round. I was the same with mine. Just take things easy and help when asked. You will have time to bond with the little ones but it’s early days.

Ask them if there's anything they need? Shopping? Meals etc?

Make it about them not the baby. I found when I had my first everyone wanted to 'help' but the way they wanted too...so sitting with the baby, holding the baby, feeding the baby, to give me a break.
I didn't need a break, I didn't need help with baby. I was finding my feet.

I could however of murdered a Roast dinner!

Yes...this could be a slippery slope. Don’t get on it! There’s loads of threads about problems with mothers of sons. You are right. Generally, daughters gravitate towards their own mum...but not always.

It’s really early days, and as March said, ‘ they are a package’. Give it time, and just wait. Be there when they need you.

I’m interested to know..is your other child also a son, or daughter? I’ve found dynamics can change in the blink of an eye. Nothing sets in stone, unless you drive it that way. If your relationship was good before, there’s no reason to think that will change.

Congratulations by the way...and enjoy.

Sorry that should be [don’t] make it into a competition .

Elizbeth please make it into a competition it isn’t and it will be in your head if you make it so. You’ve said it yourself you understand the new Mum wanting her own Mum closeby so let her have that without resentment on your part.
Think yourself lucky you are involved at all my own son lives abroad and yes I struggled desperately when his children were born learning about the births by text broke my heart but I knew she was the girl for him and was so happy I wouldn’t dream of spoiling that for him by being resentful. The other Gran is lovely and I know she talks about me with the children and when I visit gives me time with them.
I know it’s hard but be happy for them and enjoy the time you share with them your hurt feelings will fade and congratulations Granny. ???

Hello!
Huge congratulations to start off with.

Your DIL (I'm going to call her that because its easier) is recovering from giving birth. She is going to feel all sorts of new things. She's likely still in pain, leaking, hormones, stitches....you get it.

She's going to want her mom, her mom is there for HER, not just the baby. They are a package deal atm.
Her mom will want to look after her baby after going through such an experience. Your DIL will of course be more comfortable around her own mother.
You say your son is on parental leave so I'm guessing new mom is 2 weeks postpartum at most.

So atm, its all about the new mom. She doesn't need help with the baby, I'm guessing she's just say with the baby, maybe trying to breast feeding and taking one day at a time.

Don't push it now, be understanding. It will get better.