How do you cope?

Thank you GSM. I know lots of people have had much misery too and that I'm not alone in this. Some would keep it all in. This site has helped me however. I also have a lovely supportive family.

Kate, as I recall you have had more than your fair share of misery already. I’m so very sorry to hear that life has dealt you another blow. I also recall you are a very strong and loving person, hence you mentioning your nephew here above yourself. You will find the strength to get through this and to help and support your nephew and your brother too. Life can be so very hard for some but you will find a way through, as you have before. I already remember you in my prayers (query whether this is working!) and will say an extra one for your brother and nephew. x

Thanks everyone

Thinking about you Kate , such a dreadful time . Your nephew will appreciate your love and support. Your brother and nephew need you there , I can imagine how hard it is for you. Sending strength and good wishes to you and your family.?

I'm sorry Kate hopefully he will be able to talk to people out this as it's hell of shock x

All you can do is be there for your nephew, hopefully you are close so your support will be invaluable.
A stroke is not always the road to disability or worse as I well know. Take a deep breath and be the sister and aunt they need right now.
All good wishes for a happy outcome.

Thank you. I'm a bit wary as this is a public forum. Some years ago my brother and his son found their wife/mum dead in the house. She was in her 40s. They had already lost their son to cancer. Last week the same nephew found his dad collapsed at home after a stroke. He is in hospital. I can't believe this young man has gone through this twice.

Coping strategies will vary from person to person. It is possible you are setting the bar too high for yourself and feel you ought to be “coping” when actually you need to grieve or take stock or just give yourself some space.
A brief respite where you can smile or even laugh may help you to return to the problems stronger and better able to see your way forward.
As Rosie says, perhaps there is no sense to be made, all you can do is just put one foot in front of the other.
I saw this recently and liked it

Know the feeling. Ensure you take even just 20 mins a day in quiet time for you ...shut the door (in the bath room if necessary) and just shut your eyes and breathe slowly!

List the issues, list solutions, things you can do, others could do etc. Be practical

Talk to others, don't keep it all to yourself and be too stoic.

Treat yourself and others ...even simple little things

I had a difficult time in 2017, & 2018, first I had a major operation ? Cancer, thankfully all ok, my mother passed away three months later, then just 6 months after retiring my husband had a major stroke , I then had to then find us a more suitable home and arrange the buying and selling of the old and the new. Looking back not sure how I done it all but I did. I would silently scream and cry sometimes and had a few sleepless nights. But I did it and congratulate myself on being able to.

Rather difficult to say as we all cope in different ways through the bad times.
As you have not said what has actually happened I don't think anyone can give any advice.
I wish you well and hope your future is brighter in time.

Oh Kate, I hope you are ok. Could you get some counselling through your GP's wellbeing service? xx

Hello Kate1949 we all have different coping strategies depending on what we are dealing with. It is difficult to cope with sudden illness, death, divorce, estrangement. It all depends on what the problem is and what support if any we have. I do hope that whatever the problem is you find appropriate coping mechanisms.

With difficulty and my thoughts are with you.
I find it helps to write the problems down and list possible solutions and things I could do.
Discuss things with my family and friends.
Go out for a walk.
Talk to my dog or cat or to the wall like Shirley Valentine.
Cut something down in the garden or throw things away.
Buy a gadget to help the situation.
Pray.

Sometimes you just can’t make sense of it and when that happens you have to draw together as a family and support each other Sometimes easier said than done as mother and grandmother I can’t always put things right
I found I have coped because I have had to and just taken each day one at a time