Daughter being unreasonable

Re asking how you are etc it must be hard for you. Maybe the best way to deal with a lack of these "normal parts of a relationship" is to not expect them, then you cant be disappointed when they don't come. I am speaking from experience.

If you want to try and mend this I suggest you tell her that you feel that she is angry/upset/hurt and that you are happy to listen if and when she is ready to talk. In the meantime tell her that you are happy to continue to do 1 day a week childcare if she wants you to, when you are better.

However I also think you need to be very careful and be very clear for yourself what your red line is in terms of what you will "tolerate" in order to maintain contact. Please take care of yourself.

The way your daughter is treating you isn't right Misty but you also don't seem to think much of her. I am sure she senses this and that contributes to how she relates to you in that you just aren't close.

All the while you are part of her an granddaughters life there is a chance you can rectify this.

Why did she side with her father? There is obviously some discussions you need to have with your daughter to be close again and mend the distance between you both

so do you live close as you and other gran are sharing childcare?

if you live near why didn't you make contact for over 2 years?

sounds like you have made some progress though if you see her them. Sorry you feel poorly and i hope you feel better soon but don't have the grandchildren if you don't have the will in your heart, it makes it easier for both of you to just say no if you don't want to do it.

The way you speak to yourself matters most, so right now especially, be kind to yourself.
Setting boundaries can be difficulty amidst dysfunction, and most families have dysfunction these days.
Simple sentences can help sometimes like ' I am doing the best I can and I hope to be well soon'. When things are back to normal and you feel it's a good moment, perhaps say in your words " it feels like your hurting, please let me know if you'd like to talk it through " .
Just a thought . Good luck.
Keep being a wonderful nanny within your capabilities X

I agree with rachifagran Misty. Your D does sound very hostile and unfortunately she's unlikely to change.

You need to see her for how she is and lower your expectations and when it comes to her asking after you when she knows you've been ill, maybe not to have any expectations on that front at all.

You need to be on your guard and I be careful about trusting her a you owe it yourself to protect yourself as much as possible.

Maybe what you should do, is find a time to sit and talk things through properly. She sounds very hurt. I do not know the circumstances around you splitting up from her father..but I’d be inclined to start there, unless you think the problems predate that.

We are the keepers of our children for a long time, and therefore have a great impact on how they turn out. She probably feels really sad too, and would like nothing more than to have her mum back.

It may be you both need space. So after this chat, you could perhaps have breather, say one month, to digest what you talked about. It is lovely to be involved with your grandchildren, but not to the detriment of the health of both of you. This isn’t a good environment for your granddaughter.

I wish you well.

OP

You admit you have a very difficult relationship with her for 17+ years, that colours her reaction towards you for everything

Her age being 30+ is not going to change that, I am afraid.

Unless you resolve the conflicts you have, you won't be able to negotiate the relationship you would like with her and your gc.

I can’t really help Misty, I hope you’re recovering from the nasty virus. No wonder you’re feeling low. Rafichagran has given some useful advice, stay cool but friendly and appreciate the time spent with your grandchild.

I don't think it's terrible (that's a very strong word) that she hasn't asked how you are, I think it's a little thoughtless or clumsy perhaps. Maybe she's rushed off her feet with work and the little one and it's a lack of time and energy not empathy which has caused her not to ask how you are.

You say that in the past she has fallen out with you as though it was a one way street and you were no part of the problem. The words you use when you talk about her aren't positive words - nasty, awful, moody, hurtful, no empathy, no sympathy, terrible, just like her father. I don't know you or your daughter, but this sounds like a very difficult relationship for you both.

I hope you can speak to her and resolve this between you.

She sounds very hostile. I would carry on looking after my Grandchild as I would want a relationship with her.
The apple never fell far from the tree and your daughter is like her Father. I would be civil to her, but on my guard. Please dont let her use you though, and only do what you are comfortable with.