advice please

Perhaps your son’s mental health issues are part of the reason for his fears. I would just tell Mum it’s his house, his children so his rules, you’re not the one making the rules so she should speak to him not burden you with it. And ask your son if he would be comfortable having them indoors with the doors closed and no masks if they take a test first, as I can’t see that they pose a greater risk than people your son and daughter in law and the nanny come into contact with outside the home. I do wonder if all this fear will ultimately damage the children as before long they will want to make friends and the elder one will be at school in a year or so. Covid will be with us for a very long time and they can’t remain prisoners in their home.

On another note, I know you are worried about your Dad’s driving. Could you have a private word with his GP? No-one would want him causing an accident, potentially fatal.

I think your son is quite right to be cautious. I wouldn't aim to return to the 'before Covid' arrangements. After all, it's still with us - and still potentially deadly.

Why not meet somewhere outdoors, half way, for a short time, so they can see the grandchildren? If the weather turns very cold, your parents will just have to stay at home. We usually want to, when it's frosty. Maybe you could set up a Zoom meeting instead.

It does seem ridiculous to sit in the dining room, in the cold, though, so I don't see that as a realistic option.

Oh dear you really are trying to please everyone!
It must be like skating on thin ice the whole time.

How lucky they are if their nanny doesn’t go to pubs, nightclubs, busy shopping centres etc!

Is your son using COVID as an excuse to control everyone?

I know my son is very extreme,and they have said they are already taking risks they are not happy with but in their home they want as little risk as possible.Yes the nanny goes to their house and they say she is as strick as them,I have already taken my covid test this morning my husband will later,we don't wear masks,I know this is weird but until now it's been back garden only so a big step but it won't suit my mum she will moan like hell to me about how silly this is but she gets to see and touch the kids so it more than we had for a long time.

I know my son has issues with his mental health,so I don't want to upset him.

I find my grandkids parents extreme but then they always say when he's in your care it's up to you you so I do disobey some of their rule sometimes but I try not to 2

Do you, your husband and the nanny have to wear a mask in the children's house?
Do you all take a lateral flow test before you go there?
Do you keep the doors open while you are there?
I'm not sure why your parents are considered the bigger risk to the children.

However, whether you agree with them or not, it's your son and daughter-in-law's call and their rules must apply.
I think baby steps with this one, and see how it goes over the next few weeks and months.
You certainly don't want to jeopardise your own days with your grandchildren.
Best of luck joanna12 ?

Your son’s behaviour is rather extreme. After all, he and his wife are now back in the office and the children also have a nanny, is that in her home or theirs? So lots of potential sources of infection quite apart from your vaccinated parents. Would he be happy if your parents took a test before visiting? Sitting in a room with doors open and wearing masks would be very miserable and surely anyone in that room - parents as well as the children - could be at risk of pneumonia in very cold weather, almost as bad as sitting outside in the cold.

agree my son is extreme but i totally respect their way of life,no children do not go to nursery,i childcare one day a week and they have a nanny two days a week,they are starting to do little things outdoors but the feel that their home is their safety area,so it is a big deal them letting mum and dad in,just know mum will moan,my husband said just read out the messages from my daughter inlaw to mum and let them decide.

You really are stuck in the middle.

I think your son and family are taking things to the extreme, are the children at a nursery, if so the precautions are all in vain!

It would be a miserable occasion sitting inside with masks and the doors open!

Is there a park where you could meet up, the children could play and you could picnic together?

Re your fathers driving, this has to be addressed as a matter of urgency, the link below may help.

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwi4q8Paw9PzAhVLhVwKHdwaBH8QFnoECAIQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ageuk.org.uk%2Finformation-advice%2Ftravel-hobbies%2Fdriving%2Fworried-about-someones-driving%2F&usg=AOvVaw0urK4iryKmHu23qziJjy17

Oppsadaisy - the population have not been advised to act as normal. Government have shifted the responsibility to the individual. Basically you weigh up your odds and take your chances. Seems here that there's a real conflict between the risk assessment. I think that the OP can only be honest and if people are upset then so be it. These decisions have potentially serious consequences and each must be happy with their own stance.

Sorry I am hopeless at trying to explain myself.my parents from day one never abited to covid rules my son and his family have been ultra strict for the sake of their children,my grandson was very ill just before covid that I think being main reason.

I visit my parents weekly but since helping my son have not been inside my parents house,I sit in their garden which annoys my parents they think I am going to far but it's what I have to do to follow my son's rules and I am happy to as now get to look after the children.

My dad's driving is an issue but he and mum like everything else ignore it so I have all that as well,it's called ignoring the elephant in the room with them, nothing can change.

I'm also a bit confused.
Have you and your DH been having close contact with your parents yourselves?

Your parents have had 3 jabs and are probably acting as normal as we have all been advised. I’m assuming that your ACs have been jabbed and are at work, probably not wearing masks and the GCs are too young to wear masks.
It would seem that your parents are at equal risk of catching Covid as your son and his family, certainly no more of a risk than all of you catching it from your working son and his wife.
It seems very sad that they have to sit in a room on their own with the doors open.
The problem with your father driving is another issue, and will need to be addressed very soon.

I’m a bit confused. At first I thought it was your parents who were afraid of getting covid from your son’s household, now it seems it might be the other way round. You say your parents haven’t been careful. What is it that they do?