‘ This Morning’ with Phil and Holly

kwal

I don't watch the programme but can emphasise with both sides. Best idea to invite grand parents (both sides) for coffee and mince pie either mid morning or afternoon and have the rest of the day for the three of you. That way they don't miss out and you get your family time. Maybe next year you can spend more time with them all and the baby will be older to interact with you.

Don't agree, Christmas is a week long or more, why the ridiculous idea that everyone HAS to see baby on the day?! Backwards thinking and bizarrely selfish , don't they know that we have those things that capture moments like Christmas etc........oh ya! Cameras and Skype......facetime.....zoom! Thanks goodness for modern technology, why are people so very selfish?

Sounds appallingly selfish! Even if very rare this is HIS parents!? Why new mums asking that bunch of losers I dunno? Has she no friends/family? She really needs to start as she means to go on, they're guests and as such should wait to be invited-or accept if they're not specially with a tiny new tot, mum and dad need to get organised away from nosey/bossy/interfering in-laws. In-laws are there when needed - they sound utter knobs

I don't watch the programme but can emphasise with both sides. Best idea to invite grand parents (both sides) for coffee and mince pie either mid morning or afternoon and have the rest of the day for the three of you. That way they don't miss out and you get your family time. Maybe next year you can spend more time with them all and the baby will be older to interact with you.

I agree that the parents should chose what and who they spend Xmas with. My daughter expects her first child on Xmas day (such planning) , so she will either be hugely pregnant or already a mother. I live with her and her fiancé and am cooking for all so she can put her feet up and relax. There will be 7 adults for Xmas day and fully expect it to be a fluid time, lots of chilling times and go with the flow. If my daughter would rather be on her own with her new baby and fiancé then I can take myself off to my partners or mums. The other grandparents to be will be visiting a week before, depending on baby. I hope that I have a good enough relationship with my daughter for her to tell me to get lost if she needs space. I’ll be there hopefully to make sure they have a decent meal and cups of tea and shopping done so they can concentrate on their little one. However much I would love a lot of baby cuddles, I will have a lifetime of those come. I’m only entitled to what the parents want.

Personally I think Christmas is family. I know you all disagree but I never shut the door on my parents or in laws when I had my 3DDs . I think it is very selfish and hurtful to do this.

I agree with Maddyone. GP's to stay for an hour, definitely no longer. Christmas is about give & take and love.

In my humble opinion
Parents have rights
Grandparents have privileges
End of

If she knew what she wanted why did she ask for advice. Having said that she should just put her foot down and get her husbands support to tell them no. Also it's not fair to have his parents and not hers if they are around. Definitely shouldn't be hosting it. Maybe they could go to the parents house for Boxing Day.

Seeing it from the mum’s point, I don’t blame her for not wanting them there.
My first was born in November, Christmas Day we went to my parents for a few hours then in the car to my husband’s parents for dinner and stayed until 7-8 pm. Had nowhere to put my son for a sleep and I just wanted a rest myself but felt on edge the whole time, Boxing Day had to pack up and go to his parents again til late, this was every year. Even had to be careful for her neighbours not to see the baby as she had told them that he had been born early, I found out just after my wedding that I was 3 months pregnant.
Don’t think it would be any easier her going and seeing the grandparents, I found it all very stressful.

A friends daughter welcomed her in laws to visit their new grandchild at xmas as mil was a chef and was going to cook xmas dinner for them. Full marks to mil.

It's completely the parents choice, not the grandparents right to demand to visit.
I've always said to our kids to let us know what they all want to do, but any/all are welcome here if that's what they would prefer (nowadays it would perhaps be more tricky as it would be 19 folk).
If they want to be on their own, have us over or be with the other grandparents, it's their choice.
Life can be hard enough, especially after the strangeness of lockdown, and our kids don't need to be pressurised or coerced into anything - just supported and encouraged.
We don't have the full story as others have said, but the "agony aunt" sounds as though she was out of order if she said categorically that they should definitely have the grandparents over.

My own childhood memories are of Christmas Days with my brother and our Mum and Dad. No close relatives nearby. All happy memories.
Many years ago, I read an interview with Anne Phillips - Princess Anne’s first mother-in-law. It was in a woman’s magazine.
I recall thinking at the time that one of the saddest comments she made about her son having become part of The Firm was that she and her husband (Peter) never saw their grandchildren on Christmas Day because everyone had to attend the Sandringham Christmas.
I sort of understood the need for the Royal family to ensure strong bonds between various members but younger me with my young family felt it was very unfair.
Once I had my own children, I wanted Christmas Day with my husband and my girls but my mother-in-law was widowed so spent every Christmas Day with us. Not as relaxing as my own childhood Christmases.

It should be the decision of the new parents. I certainly didn't get to spend Christmas with my first grandchild as he was born in 2020 and moved to Germany when less than a month old! We did have a zoom on Christmas day but the new parents had the day at home without any visitors. This year they hope to come to the UK but will spend Christmas with DiL's family and hopefully visit me before returning to Germany. We none of us live close together so we know we will have to get used to not seeing him every Christmas day. When my children were small we alternated between the sets of grandparents who lived 250 miles apart, until we moved to a big enough house to host, but it had to be on our terms.
I am grateful for all the time I get with my son, DiL and GS but would never dream of making demands. Been there with my in-laws who were quite demanding and we sometimes had to be firm about our own family needs. Unfortunately my own DM missed out as she lived the furthest away and never made demands so she saw a lot less of my children than their other grandparents. Now I'm a granny I regret not spending more time with her but I'd have had to push my ex H into going and he was reluctant. It was harder for her to come to us as she didn't drive and it was a long journey by coach or train. I hope to downsize and move nearer to them when they return to the UK but will still have to be aware of the other grandparents needs too. My grandson needs to have a good relationship with all his grandparents even if we don't all live nearby. Thankfully my DiL's parents are lovely so I don't anticipate any rivalry. WE all just love the family and want the best for them, so if spendingChristmas as a family unit is what they want then I'd be happy for them to have that.

we always visited the grandparents / our parents for first few years (they cooked etc) and then I remember husbands parents told us they were coming to us for xmas because they had something wrong with house...can't remember what. I am not very liberal and friendly particularly but its Christmas it is family time and you do and get done. it's not your birthday. My big stress at the time was trying to afford it - my brother came too as he had split up with wife he brought his son . I certainly wouldn't have said no. good grief you have all those other days to mooch around by yourself thank goodness. reach out. It probably means that to your husbands parents they are not being odd.

Does anyone actually like Holly and Philip? I can't stand them. Faux laughter on a daily basis. I didn't mind Phil when he was with Fern but since he joined up with Holly it's been downhill all the way. I am yet to find one family member/friend/colleague who actually likes them.

There has to be someone.

Totally get new parents wanting to be in their own home for baby's 1st Christmas. How is that even an issue for grandparents? Get together for a few hours another day over the holiday provide a few picky bits and relax around your loved ones. Baby won't be any the wiser. Not for TV presenter to be judgemental over this. The decision had been made. It wasn't advise on what both parties should do being saught and to criticise the decision in my opinion was not a wise thing to broadcast on air.

Lesley60

Phil is overexposed on tv in my opinion he’s everywhere

I agree!

Visiting someone else's house has to be at their invitation - or at least in response to your courteous request. If your request is turned down - you accept graciously. I suppose this is all down to different ways to understand how it's appropriate to relate to other people, especially family. Sometimes we need to look again at our assumptions and see them from someone else's point of view.

It's not clear whether the GPs just want to visit - or are asking to be entertained for the whole day. That's the trouble with these Agony Aunt problems, you never quite get the whole story.

But, either way, whether we like it or not, the wishes of very new parents must come first and if they want Christmas day entirely on their own with their new baby, that's their prerogative.

I'm just very surprised that the audience and host agreed with the GPs, and now the parents have been guilt-tripped into hosting them. And, if the story is as it's been presented, I'm amazed at the insensitivity of the GPs... they've made it all about them.

My son is now 50 and I've only spent a few Christmas days with him and his family and feel no resentment - on the contrary, I want him, his wife and my grandchildren to do what best suits them - they are an independent unit as am I. I always enjoy my quality time with them and am made to feel very welcome, and that's good enough for me. Once your kids have flown the nest you have to accept that you are no longer the focal point of their lives.

Why do men never seem to support their wives and stand up to their mothers in situations like this ?
Mother, Father and baby should have that special first Christmas just the way THEY choose to celebrate it.

I always think it’s time Phillip and Holly grew up!

My daughter 's twins were three months old for their first Christmas. My daughter and son in law suggested that the extended family-grandparents, great grandparents and siblings -should all have lunch together on Christmas Day at a local pub. It was a wonderful occasion, we all chipped in and no-one had to entertain or stress. The twins slept through most of it and when the new parents had had enough they went home to spend the rest of the day on their own with their babies.

Never watch Philip and Holly - can’t stand them. My daughter - my first child and parents first grandchild was born just before Christmas in the days when we stayed in hospital for about a week after a baby! First Christmas in hospital - quite jolly actually!
Having 2 further children and a full time job - Christmas was always a somewhat chaotic affair but we tried to see all grandparents - plus uncles aunts cousins etc - where possible. The wider family has always been important to us both - people pulled together to help if necessary- on one occasion my brother in law arrived with his family and none of us was dressed - the turkey was in the oven - but not much else - just loads of stocking presents and paper all over the place. Nevertheless we got it together - children laid the table, - in the end, it happened and everyone had a good time. Maybe we were lucky but think perhaps young parents should try to be inclusive at Christmas- the baby will after all, be 3 months old by then.

I agree that everyone is entitled to spend Christmas day as they wish and I don't understand why something easily resolved is turned into such a drama.

For goodness sake, how is young mum going to be able to cope with far more difficult decisions if she needs the advice from an 'agony aunt' over such a simple issue.

Unfortunately, it appears that the so called advice was inappropriate anyway.

Can’t stomach the Phil and Holly show.

I wouldn’t ever force my company onto my three married kids. Only one daughter has two children, both now teenagers. I let them all decide if they want to spend Christmas or Boxing Day or even stay at home.
I’m happy to cater for all of them, some of them or none of them, they all work, have their own comfy homes and sometimes just want to spend some quality time together on the very few days in the year when they can just relax.