Grandparent support

I never had a great relationship with my mum. I remember asking her to baby sit my youngest who was about 5 at the time so I could take my eldest to a and e. She said it was too late.
Guess at the time she would have been mid 50.
Husband was away in the end a friend came. .I'm only lived about 15mins away.
I've never forgotten and our relationship got worse.
I learnt to accept it and never asked for help again.

My mum has had grandchildren in 3 'batches'. First my DD when mum was 50. She helped a bit but we lived about 2 hours away so not very practical most of the time. My brother's first 2 children when mum was 60, she helped a LOT because they just lived around the corner. My brothers last one, when mum was 70 and had moved further away, she didn't help much. 70 is too old really I think to deal with very active children who might be challenging.

So I think it varies. Having said that, there does seem to be an attitude with some grandparents that it's 'their time' after their children have grown up and that they don't want to be obliged to help. It isn't how I feel, but each to their own.

I was 57 when my GS was born and I had loads of energy to look after him. I wonder how old your mum is? If I now (in my 70s) was asked to look after two young children I couldn't do it. I don't have the energy nor the confidence to keep up with their antics. I can understand how you feel though. Perhaps your Mum just didn't explain very well.

Sorry you’re feeling rejected, Gigil, but maybe you have to accept that your mother and other family members may not be able to provide much support, and look for help elsewhere.

When our children were young (5 of them, quite close together!) we realised grandparents wouldn’t be able to help. One set lived thousands of miles away, and the other about 3 hours, and in poor health. I’m an only child so no siblings to help either. Instead we got to know some local women willing to babysit and families near us with older children who gave a hand and babysat when older. We paid for the help, of course.

I’m sorry you feel rejected but can understand from your Mums point of view as I’ve had to say no as I feel it wouldn’t be right to agree to something I’m not sure I could cope with just the thought of a two hour drive would put me off if I’m honest. Of course in a dire emergency I wouldn’t hesitate but for an event you fancied going to I too would of said sorry but no.