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Adult stepson wants to move back in again, what do we do?

(57 Posts)
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BlueBelle Wed 27-Oct-21 05:21:13

No you re not being unreasonable at all and I totally totally understand where you’re coming from but my goodness what a dilemma I can completely understand why you are so torn To say no however kindly will change your relationship for ever
I think if it is an emergency situation give him short term help but be very clear that it is short term and you will have to stick to it however hard How very difficult and how disappointing for you If it’s none emergency then you need to be much more definite with him and this will be down to your husband

I can feel your disappointment and the dilemma you’re in I do hope you find an answer

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vegansrock Wed 27-Oct-21 04:48:10

Why is he wanting to move back in? Is it a broken relationship ? Lost job? If it’s an “emergency”situation I think you should tell him you’ll help out but there’s a limit - say 3 months- till he can find a suitable alternative. You need proof that he’s actively looking for a flat. Charge him the market rent - you could save this for him as a deposit. Of course there’s the danger that the 3 months extends to 6 and so on, but only you know whether that’s likely. If it’s not an emergency situation - just say no sorry, but we’ll help you find somewhere, maybe offer help with the deposit.

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Summerlove Wed 27-Oct-21 02:37:02

Definitely not mean.

You and your husband should talk beforehand and decide what If anything you can offer him.

Then go into the talk knowing where you stand

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Ro60 Wed 27-Oct-21 00:57:39

Now you've done all the work he wants to move back in! ?

No you're not being mean. At the most, maybe suggest he can stop every couple of months for a weekend. It would also be a reminder to all what it was like before.

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VioletSky Tue 26-Oct-21 23:53:57

It's OK to say no, he might not be very happy about it but it's still OK to say no. Hopefully it won't go too badly

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Shelflife Tue 26-Oct-21 23:45:57

No Mamma IMO you are not being mean . Having your stepson move back in could be very difficult for you and his father - especially as you had to drop hints to get him to move out last time ! Much as you love him and he is a decent man it would not be easy. One very positive thing is that you and your husband are on the same page, you really would have a huge problem if you had different views on this. I suggest that between now and Sunday you and your husband make a plan of action , join forces and stick to your guns. Your stepson appears to be a reasonable man so he should understand. I can understand how difficult this must be for you and I hope whatever happens it goes well for you and your husband.

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Mamma66 Tue 26-Oct-21 23:28:56

My husband has three sons and a daughter from his first marriage ranging from 28-34. We don’t see his daughter (her choice) but see the sons frequently. I have an excellent relationship with the oldest and youngest son and an okay relationship with the middle son. None really have a relationship with their Mother. For the first 9-10 years of our relationship we had one, two and sometimes three of the sons living with us and spent a mere three months on our own. The youngest finally moved out about two years ago.

We are on the last leg of renovating my family home. It has been an epic slog and after nearly 11 months we can finally see light at the end of the tunnel. Completely out of the blue the oldest of my husband’s sons rang me last night to ask if he can move back in. He also has his two sons every other weekend. We have suggested that we all get together over the weekend and talk it through properly and see what the options are.

I love my stepson, he is a lovely man, but I can’t help but feel a bit crestfallen to be honest. I am very tidy and neat. He is not. We have spent a fortune decorating the house and had such lovely plans of seeing our diminishing wider family and having get togethers but this will be impossible if my stepson moves in. Last time he lived with us we had to make very strong hints about him moving out after three and a half years. He is a great chap but neither of us were banking on this. I feel so torn. If it was a case if helping him out for two or three months that would be doable, but I don’t think that’s what he has in mind. I know we need to talk on Sunday and take it from there but I feel so torn. I want to help him, but I wasn’t expecting this… Am I desperately mean?

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