What would you think if you received this?

Precious much? I don’t have daughters but if I did and received that I’d laugh and ask who they think they are?!

As for the final sentence? It’s amazing that mothers in the past, myself included, ever managed. Two of them there and over two weeks later they wouldn’t be able to make their mother a cup of tea/coffee? What self indulgent nonsense.

Hithere

With the limited information, we do not know if daughter has not talked to her mother before sending the email.

Mmmm...could be she did try and it fell on deaf ears. So she’s taken to putting it in writing. They may be a family constantly bickering about something.

In any event, whatever the background, it’s always the parents choice.

I appreciate that COVID has made a difference, but even before that, if MN is anything to go by, some new parents were still incredibly precious about anyone meeting the new baby. Personally I think it’s a great shame and unkind to stop even grandparents from coming for so long.

I’m so thankful that my dd was never into all these restrictions. We met and cuddled all 3 babies within hours of their arrival. And the only reason the other GPs didn’t do the same, was that they lived a 3 hour drive away.

Of course the sort of people who expect to be waited on, stay too long and don’t help, are a PITA, but this is where someone - preferably other than the new mother - needs to be very firm.

I don’t know about anybody else, but I was only too happy to show off my new babies to anyone interested, and dd has been the same.

I'm currently pregnant, due soon and midwives are giving it to you Black and White. There's no inbetween.
They have to be I guess but it's scary.

Hospital isn't a very nice place to be, some hospitals are only letting the birthing partner in when they are in established labour, masks are to be warn at all times, even in labour.

The way it's worded is patronising. A phone call to parents would of been nice but if they knew some people would complain maybe it was the easiest way.
I dont blame them for not wanting to stop off from the hospital, they could be in a taxi or if he's been driving he would of been awake days and wanting to get home.

Not much your sister can do really but complaining to them won't help, it'll just cause an argument.

With the limited information, we do not know if daughter has not talked to her mother before sending the email.

In our day we ( most of us ) had a week in hospital after the first birth. There were strict visiting hours. So I suppose it’s reasonable for new parents, who only have a very short time in the maternity unit, to want time alone with their baby.
Though there is no excuse for the curt, insensitive email, unless the person concerned always communicates in this way.
My DF drove from Northumberland to London overnight to see his first GS. He’d have been deeply upset to have been turned away.

The only thing that would bother me would be why they didn't feel able to talk to me face-to-face about this. Is it because the potential grandmother has already been over intrusive in their lives and they do not want a weepy emotional blackmail encounter, so choose to do it at a distance.

I think it’s fair enough, but would have been better if they’d talked to the grandparents, rather than send a message.

If it’s what they want, it has to be respected. When we had our children, everyone saw them, if they could, at first. Then we battened down the hatches for two weeks.

To be honest, at the moment with covid and any number of other viruses going around, I think they’re being wise....but yes, I would not have liked the mode of delivery. Would have accepted the reasoning.

We were lucky enough to see our granddaughter in the hospital a few hours after she was born. We didn't expect it and we didn't ask. Our son in law phoned us and asked us to go. His parents were invited too. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking.

2old4this
has your sister indicated what has upset her so much,
The fact that her daughter has said she wants two weeks before anyone visits and what they have to comply with when they do.

Or the way it has been conveyed to her about their expectations

It seems to me to be part of the lack of robustness of that generation, even though they are entitled to do things their way.

When our GD was born the other grandmother saw her almost immediately. We visited within the week, but didn't stay with the family so as to give them some space.

When DS was born my parents were on hand immediately, visiting while I was still in hospital. We invited MiL, who lived further away, to visit - and stay - the week I went home. We knew they'd all want to be involved.

And we all survived safely!

Ditto MissAdventure. There but for the grace of God.....

Please note that I was already thinking out and drafting a reply before the backstory was posted, so I had not seen it, but that does not alter my view.

Their baby their rules. Why be upset in these days of Covid at least everyone knows where they are.
My first grandchild was born over seas as was my second I certainly did not see them for quite a few months. It has not interefered with the realtions I have with them.
Your friend could always request a facetime which I got from the hospital.

I'd wonder who had kidnapped my daughter and replaced her with someone so precious.

It's a sad fact that when our children have children, we take a step back in their priorities. It's been a hard lesson for me, but we now see them when they have the time and the inclination.

Pretty standard now for new parents to ask this for the first 2 weeks, wish I'd done the same really.

I know I am male and alas never married, but for what it is worth I think that that is good sense on their part.

They could, in these troubled times, have quite reasonably suggested standing outside and be shown by looking through the closed window.

To me, the note is a protocol. Protocols are good because everybody knows the rules beforehand and so the event can happen happily and smoothly.

Visitors can expect, and should, go and wash their hands when they get there. The protocol is there, so if someone goes, that is the known-beforehand rule for when they get there.

Oh dear, it is in the "Ask a gran" section, maybe my view is irrelevant.

Given the update, this email makes total sense - it is what I suspected

How is the relationship between mother and daughter before baby?

Your sister's expectations are very unreasonable.
Asking a woman who just gave birth to stop on the way home from the hospital on your sister's home so she can see the baby - holy entitlement
"But I am your mom" is your sister trying to force the new parents' hand and comply with your sister's agenda.
DNA doesnt pull rank and gets away with anything if the other party objects

This baby is not about your sister.
It is about the new parents.

Given this email, I would advise your sister to comply with the rules.

The more she pushes, huffs and puffs, the least she may see her daughter and the baby

Tell her to back off and be patient.
Babies do not have an expiration date.

When none of us know the family dynamics involved in this particular situation I can't see how we can comment.

The "rules" may be necessary for the daughter to feel in control of overbearing relatives. (Not saying that is the case, we don't know).

Maybe she needed to write it down in order to ensure that it was read and understood - nobody questioning her wishes later. Many young mums and partners really do prefer to get on with things by themselves, without having to even think about somebody knocking at the door.

Precious.

2old4this

This is in fact my niece writing to her mother, my sister.
My sister spoke to daughter inviting them to stop off on the way back from hospital so that she could meet baby, she was told firmly no, they would not call in, despite my sisters house being en route home. Even if they just stopped the car so that my sister could have a peek. No. She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......" only to be told that the other grandma didn't have a problem, the answer is still No! I'm deeply annoyed with my niece. The baby is due in 8 weeks

With this back story I now understand the email. (Though it’s not my preference). Your sister sounds unable to hear the word no.

I’m not sure why you are annoyed with your niece though. Sounds like she tried to explain and was hitting a brick wall.

There isn't a day goes by that I read, in absolute awe and amazement, how some families function and treat each other. And for every one that I read, I thank God I have the DC, DILs and GC I've actually got.

My youngest DD did take me to one side before GDS was born and laid out lots of rules about not turning up and taking over.

Three days after she got home after a caesarian she was on the phone pleading for me to come round.

My daughter is expecting our first GC in the coming months. We live 40 mins away , I have already said we will wait to be invited , hospital visiting is out as it is partner's only anyway. Girls are usually older having their babies these days and are not so dependent on their mothers respect their wishes and a better relationship will be secured for the future. If I was your friend I would say call if you need us before.