What would you think if you received this?

Don't be annoyed with your niece. She has been honest about how she feels and been clear.

I suspect that if your sister had not played the "But, I'm your Mum" card, but just accepted it with a good grace, there might have been some flexibility when the time came - now they will just dig heir heels in.

2old4this

This is in fact my niece writing to her mother, my sister.
My sister spoke to daughter inviting them to stop off on the way back from hospital so that she could meet baby, she was told firmly no, they would not call in, despite my sisters house being en route home. Even if they just stopped the car so that my sister could have a peek. No. She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......" only to be told that the other grandma didn't have a problem, the answer is still No! I'm deeply annoyed with my niece. The baby is due in 8 weeks

Perhaps they could do a Royal wave as they go by your sisters house ?

it will change once baby is born, i give them 3 days and they will be on the phone asking her where she is.(i hope)

Surely the rules of how to be around a new baby are unwritten rules, no one ever told me to wash my hands nor would I dreamt of telling my mother in law who brought seven of her own up, how to act around my child, I knew her and trusted her
Good grief ridiculous

I certainly wouldn't expect them to pop in on the way back from the hospital! That's totally unreasonable in my view.

If they don't want to even just stop the car on the way back from the hospital that's their choice but I still can't get my head around the written rules.

I hope this doesn't spoil our sister's excitement at the prospect of being a GM for the first time 2old4this but TBH I'm glad she's not my D.

I understand the 'our baby our rules' thing, but I think the note is appalling! I wouldn't dream of sending out anything like that to distant friends and relatives, let alone people I am close to - and to send it to your Mum, is just awful. Well, let's just hope the baby sleeps and feeds well and they don't need any outside help, because if it all doesn't go to plan and they are struggling, it's going to be a tough fortnight.

This is in fact my niece writing to her mother, my sister.
My sister spoke to daughter inviting them to stop off on the way back from hospital so that she could meet baby, she was told firmly no, they would not call in, despite my sisters house being en route home. Even if they just stopped the car so that my sister could have a peek. No. She then received this message, and sister phoned daughter again to say 'but I'm your mum......" only to be told that the other grandma didn't have a problem, the answer is still No! I'm deeply annoyed with my niece. The baby is due in 8 weeks

When DGD was born we and the other grandparents were advised that we would each be limited to a 1 hour visit during the first two weeks. We obviously respected that.
It was a different matter when DGS was born 3.5 years later ?

There's nothing much wrong with their "rules" per se but there's plenty wrong with the patronising tone, silly hearts and the means of communication. That final black heart is telling.

I don't think it's about the rules but the way they've been issued nexus.

Blooming heck what are they ? royalty ?

I was thinking exactly the same Bluebelle just before I read your line!!

my first grandson was born 3 years ago, he stayed in hospital for 2 weeks after he was born, i went into hospital the day before she was going in to have a c-section, i had bowel cancer and needed an operation., because of the problems with his and my illness he was 6 weeks old before i could hold him. they put photos on facebook and face timed me. even if i had not been ill i would have said leave it a few weeks until mum had recovered and they had some family time together.
the rules have all had to change because of covid, i get the no kisses and wash your hands and to be honest the gran should respect the parents wishes and let them have a few weeks on there own, she has all the years in the future to look forward to, so whats two weeks.

OK if that's what they want. But I reckon it will soon go out of the window once the baby arrives.

Team parents

Insufficient background information though

I can’t stand this it sucks the very heart out of being a Nan thank God none of my children were ever precious like that perhaps they knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t over reach my being involved but telling a grandparent to wash their hands is about as patronising as you can get
Blooming heck what are they ? royalty ? I hope grandma bows when she’s eventually let in, I d be well offended
Weren’t they brought up to be healthy and well by her I m sure if she managed it first time round she’d manage it again

Yes I would find the hearts patronising too as well as the "Meeting baby girl rules". I appreciate that parenting practices change over time and that Covid is a great cause of concern for new and expectant parents, but have they forgotten that we managed to bring up our own?

Not knowing the dynamics between your friend and her daughter it’s a bit hard to form an opinion.
However it is their baby their rules but I think it would have probably been better received if they had taken a bit of time for one of them to have picked up a phone and explained to the mum how overwhelmed and concerned about COVID they felt which is why they have decided to do what they have. Rather than sent a list of do’s and dont’s
Sometimes it not what you say but how you say it.

At least everyone knows where they stand; and no one side of the family is favoured over another, so it is all clear.

I too suspect that the rules might lapse a bit when reality hits!

It is their baby but it does not sound the nicest of messages and I would be more than a bit put out by the list of strict rules. Maybe there is more to this than we are hearing. I saw most of my grandchildren within a day or two of them being born and still in hospital.

I find it strange that this was sent to Mum in the same way as to family and friends. I would expect and hope that my ACs would speak to me directly with the same message, not just send me some note!! No problem with what they have decided if that is what they want ..but a note to your Mum??

I would certainly be taken aback, but… their baby their rules.

Perhaps a bit later, when they want babysitters, you could give them a taste of their own medicine by giving them a list of your needs and wants, saying that you are old and a cold etc., are dangerous for old people as their immune system no longer functions as well as when you were young?

I’d be gutted ?

If any of my daughters (or my DIL for that matter!) had sent this to me, particularly as it is lumped together with family and friends, I would have been mortified. We have 8 grandchildren to date and strong supportive family bonds have been built on love and common sense. The last sentence says it all really.
OP, I feel deeply sorry for your friend.

I think your friend should obviously just keep to the DD's rules. She may well find she is invited over earlier as DD may want to show her baby off. I know I did-I was so proud of him.