Piggy in the middle[again]

Sorry but my parents would come first, your son is erm
Bit over the top isn’t he

So awful, I think the young parents are being absolutely idiotic and have totally caved in to media lies panic reporting and govt terror..Unless there are other factors eg one of the children or parent has eg, leukemia or some kind of severe immune compromisation..which has not been revealed to us readers of piggyinthemiddle's post.

Joanne12,
I have seen on your post you are going to tell your parents yourself, but I would have said that your son tells his Grandparents himself, why should you have to!! Hope you have a lovely Christmas ?

I’m so sorry, what a horrible time for you. I’m with your son on this - he and his wife had a terrible frightening time with their young son when he was sick, and they naturally don’t want to risk that again. This presumably is well known in your family?

Your parents, vaccinated but gadding about, have really decided what they want, and they can’t really impose their views or way of life on others at this very difficult time. The time to talk Christmas visiting was perhaps 2 or 3 weeks ago, when your parents could have (possibly!) decided to get out and about then or isolate so they can enjoy Christmas with the young family.

My father is 97, vaccinated, relatively healthy and is still gadding about, doing whatever he wants, within his capability. Age isn’t a necessarily barrier to doing what you want but ill health can be!

Try not to let it worry you, keep as relaxed as you possibly can about this - it’s pretty awful for everyone at the moment, and we can all just do the best we can ? ???

Suzey

So you're allowed in because you baby sit how convenient ! what a selfish son you have

Totally agree, the op is useful as a childminder. I presume the op sees her parents and then sees her grandchildren so i would say this is just an excuse and over reacting. I would not be the one to tell the parents, he sounds like a coward on top of everything else.

Can't they just do tests before visiting? If negative then surely fine to visit?

If you all do lateral flow tests and are ok what is the problem? I think ds is overreacting. Sounds like an excuse not to have them.

It is really up to your son to tell them. I can understand him wanting to protect his family but it is unfair of him to expect you to pass the message on. Hope it all works out x

My ac and partner are like this with their children. I did however tell them that as they both work and both gc go to nursery they are more of a risk to me ( I live alone, go out once a week masked up, triple vaccinated, lft regularly if been out) so to stop using it as an excuse to not bother visiting. I am no longer going to feel sad that my ac think the obligatory 3 visits a year (mothers day, birthday, Christmas) is good enough. I'm not going to always be available when it suits them and am learning to say no when asked to help out (when it suits them). Don't get stuck in the middle, tell your son to do his own dirty work and spend time with your parents who may not be around ad long as you may hope. Me, I'm spending Christmas with friends for the first time ever, my AC can go see their father and I may spend boxing day with one of the two new chaps who I have met recently who make me laugh and who they currently know nothing about ?

Your son shouldn't put you in this position. Your parents are elderly and you don't know how many more happy occasions you will get to share with them. Something you might regret later. Your son needs you but don't you need your parents too. They must be heartbroken at what the last two years have done to them. The grandchildren will be missing them too. There must be a compromise somewhere.

My goodness, if your son and DIL are this over-protective now, what will they do when the kids are teenagers?!! I would refuse to play their game - the little boy could have been ill for any number of reasons, e.g. flu, Respiratory Syncytial Virus etc etc. You have all been triple-jabbed, for goodness sake! Could this really be about relationships rather than COVID? Why should you have to break the news?

I think it is very poor of your son to expect you to tell your parents that they are not welcome in his home at Christmas.

In your shoes, I would be saying to everyone that I was going to celebrate my birthday my way and if that involved not seeing any of them on Christmas Day, that was my choice.

Whatever happens, I hope that you can enjoy your significant birthday.

Oh dear poor you. But I suspect keeping away is more protective for the elderly grandparents rather than the children!

Sorry, missed your post saying you are going to speak to them.

Stand your ground.......remind your son that he is an adult and can speak for himself. If he doesn't want his own grandparents visiting over Christmas he should be telling them himself and giving the reason why rather than behaving like a petulant spoilt brat spitting out his dummy to get his own way. In your position I would sooner spend my Christmas with my parents, as someone else said up page, you don't know how many more Christmas's they have.
Do stop pandering to your son!

my parents who have totally opp ideas on covid

Does this mean they are doing a lot of mixing with others?
In any case, they can't expect to impose their wishes in someone else's own home.
Get your son to speak to them.

So you're allowed in because you baby sit how convenient ! what a selfish son you have

It's up to your son to do his own dirty work!
I would say that the grandparents are more at risk from him and his family than the other way round if neither of your parents have been vaccinated .
It has been very, very rare for young children to have been affected badly should they catch covid - I think one of the reasons that it has been spreading through schools like it has been - in fact my own great niece was tested positive for Covid a few weeks ago (after her dad was also) and she had absolutely no symptoms at all!
I would suggest that your parents offer to at least have an LFT before they visited but I doubt if that would help - can only suggest that a video link or Skype call is set up so they can at least see their GGC over Christmas .

Poor you joanna12. Controversially, I am on your son's side it is his and his wife's choice to ensure they never have a repeat of the Christmas when their child was taken ill, all perfectly understandable. Your parents are being unreasonable but hey! that's how we are (or will be) at the end of our lives. It's a shame you are piggy in the middle but as you believe it is probably your Father's last Christmas then try to just go along with it. Supporting them without falling out with your son is the way to go. I hope your Christmas makes some happy memories and have a good 2022 with whatever it holds.

Hope it’s not too stressful today Joanna. It’s horrible being the messenger.
Wishing you a Happy birthday on Saturday and enjoy Christmas with your son and family.

Joanne12 a small suggestion. Is there any way you or ds can get hold of a patio heater? That way grandparents don’t have to freeze outside although will still need coats. We will be doing this when we visit dd and gc on Christmas morning.

I can understand you wanting it to be all over. What a difficult position to be in. Sad for all concerned, especially the children. Nevertheless I hope you are able to enjoy Christmas and your special birthday.?

Hi thanks all.it has been decided I will tell my parents later that they will have to do another Xmas on the doorstep,as my son thinks it may sound a bit agressive coming from them when they don't have much contact outside visits so building myself up for it later.

We are the only in-laws and grandparents,my daughter in-law last both her parents very suddenly a few years ago.

My husband and I can go in because we childmind once a week and when I go to my parents later I will sit outside but at least they are in the warm mum and dad don't understand why I do this as I said covid is not a big deal to them despite all the sadness around them but that's their choice.

I really can't wait for Xmas to be over and I will 60 on Xmas day but let's just get it gone for me

Thank you all and I hope it's a good Xmas for you all.x

I wonder if your son is like that with his in-laws or is it just with your family? I would suggest your son be the bearer of the bad news to his grandparents then it’s off your shoulders.

You've been on here before with this problem I think. I do feel for you being in the middle. If your son insists on these rules, and after your further post I can understand why he is so protective and so wary of your parents, then I feel he must be the one to break the news to them rather than leaving you to do his dirty work. It's very sad if you think it might be your father's last Christmas. Sitting outside in this cold weather will do very elderly people no good at all, nor you and your husband for that matter. I hope you can manage to have a good Christmas yourself in the middle of all this. Your parents' attitude to covid is the root cause so they can only blame themselves.