Alcoholic - is it too late?

Borninthe50s - do you believe you can learn to cut down, or that you have to go cold turkey and keep away from alcohol altogether?

Borninthe50s - Darling, IT'S NOT TOO LATE!!! And OF COURSE your love is strong enough - you're her mum, she loves you as you do her. My mother drank until she got dementia and forgot that she drank - how heartbreaking is that? I was in my 50s when she died. My advice, if I can offer some, is don't just make a promise to your DD - make a comittment to BOTH OF YOU. Save this thread - read it again and again and again. If you need us to, we will support you - just keep posting and sit down TONIGHT and make a plan. Visualise the post 12 months from now that you will right to us, your supporters, to say that you are 12 months clean. Imagine the relationship you will have with your DD who will still be a very young woman. Imagine how different, how infinitely better your life will be. Really think about it, visualise it, feel it. Do it again and again and again - it will serve as a real instruction to your subconsious mind, the one that has previously sabotaged all your attempts to give up. You are STRONG. You CAN do this

It’s never too late.?

Such heartfelt advice from my lovely fellow GNers. Sago “Imagine how wonderful it would feel to post on here in 12 months time and tell us you were 1 year sober!” That made me cry, I want it so much. I’m so scared that I’ve run out of chances with DD, I can’t imagine how on earth I’d want to live without her in my life. It’s too late for apologies and promises, I suppose I just have to hope that our love is strong enough to get through this, AS LONG AS I STOP DRINKING.

Borninthe50's I have a very close relative who is alcohol dependent. You have had some good advice on here and I really hope you are able to become sober. Please speak to your GP before you do anything, hopefully they will be able to put you in contact with a local drug and alcohol service and also do some blood tests to assess how your body has been coping with your drinking. My relative has had excellent support and was also prescribed several things to help her recovery. Please don't go "cold turkey" until you have spoken to your GP. My relative has seizures if she cuts down too quickly or her alcohol level is too low. You may not have withdrawals problems like this but it's not worth risking it, so please get advice. I would encourage you to keep a record of your drinking as this will be a helpful to the GP. Good luck and it's definitely not too late.

Borninthe50’s Imagine how wonderful it would feel to post on here in 12 months time and tell us you were 1 year sober!

I really think you have a strong chance of ridding yourself of this addiction.
Take one day at a time and reward yourself at the end of each week with a massage,facial or whatever you enjoy.

My mother was a horrible bitter old narcissist, she died 18 months ago age 92.
If I had had just 1 year of a happy normal mother it would have given me and my children so much joy, I have nothing nice to say or feel about her.

Give your beloved child some happy and positive years starting now.

Good luck.

I became dependant on booze when my mother was very ill and I couldn't deal with it. I kept telling myself I could stop if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. The truth is, it isn't an overnight thing. It's a journey of determination and filling your time with things you can't do with a drink in your hand. Get help from your doctor first and then call in the big guns (family and friends). If there is an AA group you can join please do. They have years of experience and know the signs and triggers if you start to wobble. I put the money I wasn't spending on booze in a pot and was amazed how it soon became a sizable amount. I used it for an amazing night out with my 'supporters'. Booze free of course. One thing you must promise me.... don't lie, be honest if you have a drink and wear that shame

rosie1959

Alcoholics cannot gradually cut down unlike the heavy drinker its the first one that does the damage the craving sets in and they then do not have the ability to stop
I was able to stop without medical help because I was a binge drinker I did not drink everyday so I knew I would not suffer more than a dose of the shakes Not everyone can and it can prove to be very dangerous

This is a really good point. If the OP is drinking every day to the point of passing out, and has been doing so over a long period of time, her body will be reliant on the alcohol to some extent - seeking medical advice is really important before stopping so that the withdrawal process can be properly managed. My relative was drinking upwards of two bottles of red wine every day for years. Following admission to hospital for an unrelated problem, they ended up having a seizure due to sudden alcohol withdrawal. Once the medical staff were alerted to the extent of the problem they were able to give detoxification medication for the duration of the hospital stay.

You have had good advice on here but I would just like to add that it’s now all down to you and your determination to beat this.
I’m sure various organisations can help enormously with support and advice, but ultimately it’s time for you to dig deep, find your self control and will power to stop the binge drinking, and be determined to be a good mother for your daughter.
You say you have made promises in the past to stop which you haven’t kept, so you owe it to her to succeed this time don’t you?
She might be 22 but you are still the mum she loves and needs.

She is willing you on to succeed so don’t let her down this time.

I think it’s too early to tell my new partner (his ex was an alcoholic) but will tell him I want to do dry January and then hopefully be able to tell him that I’m enjoying being sober so much that I don’t want to drink again.

Worry that your partner will find out about your drinking won't help you.
At least after dry January, if not before, be honest with him.

I really wish you success in beating this.

Borninthe50s - I admire your courage in posting on here, and am delighted that you have received such supportive and encouraging posts. The most powerful quote I ever read re addiction was 'I give up everything for alcohol - then gave up alcohol for everything'

I follow a young lad on FB who has successfully given up drugs/alcohol. He's only 29 but spent almost half his young life in active addiction. He's just written a book - Endless Possibilities - My Fresh Start. Even if you don't buy the book, you could follow his journey on FB - loads of ex addicts post and share their stories - it really is empowering and uplifting.

I wish you luck and if you keep posting, we will read and support you, that's a promise. My late mother was an alcoholic - never did manage to give it up - give your daughter the chance that I never had, to enjoy her mum without the addiction. YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU REALLY REALLY CAN. It will be hard, probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do but think of the rewards - freedom

It's never too late. The first important step is to admit you have a problem and want to do something about it which you seem to have done. It's a shame you have left this life-long drinking problem until your late 60's to sort out, especially when you mention a child. No matter how much people around you try to help it will always come back to you. You are the only one who can make it stop. An alcoholic is akin to a pebble being thrown into a pond. The ripples spread far and wide. The family and friends of an alcoholic are those ripples. The damage done is widespread. I was married to an alcoholic so I speak from bitter experience. See your GP and get the ball rolling. It is along and bumpy road. I wish success for you and those around you.

Don't feel ashamed Borninthe50s be proud of yourself of posting here and acknowledging you have a problem with alcohol.

Your D loves you because she sees you that you are so much more than someone with an alcohol problem. See in yourself what she sees in you.

As a recovering alcoholic in recovery for over 30 years I can’t really add to all that has been said above but I would urge you to get in touch with Alcoholics Anonymous, nobody understands an alcoholic like another alcoholic… I wish you the best of luck, it can be done and your life will be so different

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heath480 not sure why my post made you angry.

If my brother had admitted he had had a problem as the OP has, a lot of heartache might have been avoided.

The OP has taken the first step.

18 years sober is a great achievement, but my brothers case is also a fact and cannot be ignored and if it makes one person rethink their choices then his death might not have been a total waste.

Well done for acknowledging it is a problem and asking for help.

I would have thought cutting down was not the way to do it - cutting out alcohol altogether, hard as it may be, is the best way to succeed.
Getting rid of any alcohol in the house would remove the temptation but I think you do need outside support when you have times when you feel you may not be able to continue, eg a support group.

Others may have more helpful suggestions.

Good luck

I also think that by posting here that you have a problem you've taken steps 1 and 2. (Admitted to yourself there's a problem, admitting to others there's a problem) Well done and good luck

Good advice so far, from many. To my mind....you’ve done the hardest bit. Admitted you have a problem.

The only way is up now. Wishing you well?

Yes rosie1959 I wouldn’t be able to cut down gradually as the first drink is all it takes. I’m a binge drinker like you were (so usually don’t drink everyday although this has crept up). Again thank you to all you wonderful posters offering me support. What a kind and caring community we have here. I only hope the damage I’ve done to DD (aged 22) isn’t irreparable. She told me last night how much she loved me and wants me to be happy but is tired of my empty promises to give up. Also drinking causes my severe anxiety to be even worse and in particular my health anxiety. I’m on the phone to my poor GP virtually every week and feel so ashamed.

Borninthe5Os, good you have come to GN, well done ? . I have no experience in alcohol dependancy so not qualified to offer advice. However what I can do is offer support and sincerely hope you are able to access the help you recognize you need. I send you strength, good wishes and lots of empathy. Please have courage .

No need to express regret for what I went through Borninthe1950s.I wish I and other family members could have been stronger earlier. My relative had plenty of other things going for her (as I’m sure have you!) and was the funniest person I ever met. She was very generous, adored her grandchildren and indirectly will leave them comfortably off.
I am grateful I haven’t inherited addictive tendencies. I would say, in response to other posts, it’s not alcoholism itself which runs in families, rather an addictive personality and/or depression.

I know several alcoholics- and all of them would totally deny they have a problem, because they are highly 'functioning'. So well done you for acknowledging the truth. Must be very hard.

You can do it, I am sure, but you need to get support.

Drinking large amounts of alcohol on a regular basis has become the norm for many, day in, day out- and as 'everyone does it' ... it helps people hide behind this societal reality.

Courage- you CAN do it.

We have a close family member who has “come out” as alcohol dependent in their 60s . We all knew X “liked a drink” but weren’t aware of the extent of the problem or it’s effects on others. They have got through several social events and Christmas without alcohol and now are 100+ days sober , they are much happier, healthier and wealthier and enjoying life alcohol free. There is online support if you don’t want to go down the AA route and my relative has found these useful to learn strategies to deal with cravings and non alcohol alternatives. Tell your nearest and dearest you are giving up and asking for support is the first step. Good luck.

Alcoholics cannot gradually cut down unlike the heavy drinker its the first one that does the damage the craving sets in and they then do not have the ability to stop
I was able to stop without medical help because I was a binge drinker I did not drink everyday so I knew I would not suffer more than a dose of the shakes Not everyone can and it can prove to be very dangerous