Estranged step daughter making contact

Their relationship is nothing to do with you. He walked on a child who had no control of the relationships. Her aunt has facilitated contact between her niece and her brother. Again you do not need to be involved.

Once she has established then maybe she will want to meet you. Alternatively she may just wish to be involved with her father.

Even if he agrees to meet her I wouldn't meet her children until the relationship between them is a bit more established as that can be confusing for them and too much emotionally for him. Has your SiL been in regular contact with her during this time or was it a random contact from the step daughter ? Perhaps starting contact by letter or phone call in the first instance might be better. That way there is a level of control over the emotional side progress can be made after that. Is her mother still alive do you know? I think the times we are living in has brought people's focus more onto family connections and their history. I would let him make the decision if he wants to contact her but I would ask your SiL to not interfere or encourage if he decides he doesn't want to.

Listen yo uiur husband and find out how he feels. Support him in what he wants to do. If he meets her find out how it went and how feels. And take it from there.. counselling may ir may not be needed. Being "strangers" doesn't preude going into this with an open mind

Not sure why you are angry with your SIL Zhe was contacted by her niece, as a go between, so she acted as that with her brother

Good luck

I think he may love the chance to see his daughter and meet him Grandchildren, who knows why it’s taken her all this time but I think it’s only fair you let him make the decision.

shodg

I understand you are concerned for your husband and you are a couple but this is between him and his daughter.

You may have no idea what happened or why his daughter made this decision and is now seeking to try and have a relationship so it's not right to guess why this might be happening now.

I think your place here is to stay positive and support your husband in his choices... Meaning these feelings should be kept away from your husband right now, especially if you have decided you want no contact.

If you want no contact, that is your decision but not a decision you can make for another adult.

A very difficult situation shodg and I understand your feelings. Has your DH said how he feels about meeting up with his D?

If he's happy to do so, he may get some answers to some of your questions, for example why she's waited so long and depending on how this goes, it may help to put some of your concerns regarding her motives to rest.

As a first step meeting, try to be as supportive and understanding as you can and see what transpires. If more meetings are suggested that you will also be excluded from, that would be the time IMO to tell your DH how you feel.

You say you have a 33 year old son so have been together a long time. It may be necessary for his D to be reminded that you come as a pair and perhaps be made aware that any future relationship she has with her father will include you as his wife and mother to his son.

What does your husband want to do?

I'm not sure why you are so upset. Surely it's up to your husband whether he wants to see his daughter or not. How does he feel? You say you are trying to be matter of fact, but your strong emotions burst through. I would say nothing. Presumably she was young when her parents split up. She's made a first step at rapprochement. Ultimately it's up to your husband, not you. She's his child.