My grandkids and my ex husband's mistress

I don’t have experience of this, but have seen it in others.

It’s interesting you call her the ‘ home wrecker’. Your ex husband did that in my opinion. The woman could have been anyone.

I can empathise with how you feel, but can’t see what else you can do, other than accept.

As regards your grandchildren, they’re the responsibility of your daughter.

Try to let go. Get your own life going, and show him he means nothing now.

I agree with hetty, it's hard but you need to move on.

For the sake of all involved you must let it go.

This is going to be down to your daughter really and it seems she wants to have her father in her life so you may have to accept the inevitable. They are closer but 220 km is hardly on the doorstep. What does your daughter think? Does she know how upset you are?
For your own sake try to be gracious hard though that will be.

Mariemal55, I think the only problem is your ongoing resentment of the situation. Yes, I really do think you should grow up and accept that his new wife is now family. Live in the present - not in the past. How about being polite and civil?

Life is short and has loads of hurdles . Your ex-husband is still your daughters father and a grandfather .His decision was to have a divorce and marry again .It must be very hard for you but life carries on and your happiness is important . You are a grandmother and will always be that .

She is his wife now but that does not make her your grandchildren’s granny.
I’d suggest you do your best to ignore the situation other than perhaps asking your daughter to ensure your paths don’t have to cross. After all 220km is till not just round the corner.
If you moved away you would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.
I’m not being unkind when I say you are clearly very angry and bitter still about the affair and maybe some counselling to overcome this could be useful.

Gosh, difficult. I daresay you could keep daughter's relationship with you totally separate in all this and never mention him unless it is absolutely essential. Are you and your daughter close? Have you discussed this with her? If she cares for you both equally then this will be difficult for her. She will need your support. I realise you are hurting but try to see this from everyone's perspective? Not easy. Good luck.