Suddenly worried about driving - did this happen to you?

mrsnonsmoker if you stop driving you will of course lose a great deal of independence. I can understand how you feel though - I detest motorways now and much prefer to drive locally, but two things might help you; the refresher course as suggested, which will raise confidence, and please do make sure that you are able to see well, particularly at night. I have recently got driving glasses and they have made a fantastic difference - I began to realise that at dusk everything that was clear suddenly became blurred. I feel a lot more relaxed with the glasses, even though I don't need them during daylight. Good luck!

We are both still ok driving at the moment and still have two cars, as we mostly go in different directions at the same times.

Our cars look the same outside, but are very different inside, eg his has six gears not five, and a load of new tech which doesn’t interest me. When we go out together, including on holiday, it is always in his car and he always drives. I never drive his car. I worry about going on holiday, in case he is ill. It has happened before, and he drove home very cautiously, but it felt unsafe. There is also a problem that he cannot walk far. It would often be helpful if I could drop him off then go off to park eg when visiting a particular place where there is no nearby car park. But DH is adamant that he must drive and it must be in his car. Mine is not comfortable for his back.

I don’t know how we will go on if we have to drop down to one car or if he is unable to drive anymore. I walk or use public transport a lot, but he is married to his car.
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Oh, what I meant to say at the start of my response was - No! I haven't suddenly become worried about driving. I've ALWAYS been worried about it!

I passed my test when I was 17, but have rarely driven since. I HATE it with a passion. I cycle everywhere and if necessary use public transport. I intend to never stop cycling and hopefully will be riding for the rest of my life! Lots of dedicated cycle lanes here, which make things easier. I do realise this isn't an option for everyone, but it works for me! I visit the NL to see my son and he has never needed to learn to drive. He also cycles everywhere (of course!) and their public transport system is amazing. I do make use of the local taxi service now and again if absolutely necessary!

As somone elses in this thread has said a sat nav is useful as it gets you into the right lane for what ever is hppening next and it tells you how far to next exit, turn, roundabout what ever.

The yellow lenses do sound helpful, but because I like to know there is good research basis for such claims I had a search. Very little info, much of which (not anecdotal) was negative, especially for older users. I will check with my ophthalmologist at my next appointment before I invest in some.

Like a lot of other posters I too avoid driving at night, especially if it’s raining. I’m thinking of buying a pair of night driving glasses to wear over my prescription glasses. They are expensive at around £80 and supposedly much, much better than the cheap ones with yellow lenses that are advertised in those free brochures that come with the weekend papers. The brand is Cocoon, has anybody tried them and are they effective?

Having driven since I was 17, I'm a pretty experienced 74 year old (I have driven in the UAE, and all over Europe in my younger days) but around 15 years ago I started to get almost a phobia about certain roads, mainly the M25 or fast and competitive dual carriageways. My husband had always driven on motorways in recent years and if we were going any distance, so I guess it was just that I wasn't so used to the more competitive roads. It became quite bad, so I would be absolutely fine on any B roads etc. and find routes which meant I didn't need to go on the faster roads, like the A3 for example. The phobia started to really annoy me so I sought help from a counsellor. I found this sort of anxiety often hits women in particular for a biological reason.

Apparently the competitive side of driving and the adrenaline needed to keep you going on very fast roads, is likened to a womens' needs to protect their young. Therefore, the theory is that once a woman starts to age, and no longer has young to protect, those competitive, higher risk activities (of which driving is one) become less important or needed and age makes you become a bit more fragile. I actually think this theory is probably true, as nature has a way of affecting us, whether we like it or not. Thought I would share this with you ladies, What do you think.
However, as an addition to this, my daughter has recently moved nearer to me but it's still a case of my last 25 minutes being on a very fast road and I have recently conquered it, but needed to talk to myself in stern terms all the way along (you can do it, you're a good drive, keep going) etc. So it continues to be an anxious drive unless I take the smaller roads, which add an extra 20 minutes to the normal route!

I lost my confidence in driving last year. I am coming up for 70 this year and was happy for my OH to drive. However he had to have an operation late last year so I had to steal myself to drive again. After a few weeks driving to the shops and to DD a few times I regained my confidence and was able to take OH to appointments and also drop him off and collect him on the day of the operation. You really need your wits about you driving in London especially or any big city or town. I'm pleased I overcame my nerves and intend to keep going now. Not sure about night driving though.

Juicylucy, I agree! I feel lost when my car has to be serviced or repaired. I did the Advanced Drivers course in my late 60’s to be sure I was still up to the mark and I do drive a Prius, which cuts out gear changing. I was beginning to feel it in my knees on long journeys or in heavy traffic with constant gear changes. Can’t stand my DH’s driving either so we use my car most of the time!

Been driving since I was 17 I’m a confident driver have driven in Texas Paris and Australia I’ve no intention of giving up honestly couldn’t think of anything worse not being able to jump in the car and have change of scenery. Health willing I’ll keep driving till I physically can’t.

I was an Advanced Driver and an Observer for my local group and have always felt a confident driver. However driving back home 17 miles away on country roads, on a dark rainy night recently I was shocked to find my vision was so bad, and impacting my driving.
I have my eyes tested regularly and there is nothing wrong with them apart from old age!
I think the pupils don’t dilate as well as we age or let in as much light. Am ok in town which is well lit.

I’m 71. Had eye surgery for glaucoma (now in both eyes) and cataract removal last spring. I passed the DVLA sight test but I’m now not confident of driving at night because lights dazzle me. I’m ok in the daytime especially if it isn’t too bright. I can still drive on motorways if needed. We’ve had the same model of main car for years but each new one seems bigger and heavier plus new technology means an electric handbrake etc. As a result I don’t drive that car just a smaller increasingly ageing one. This is a problem we need to resolve hopefully by compromising on size although new technology won’t go away so I have to get my head round it. A couple of years ago we moved to somewhere where we can easily use public transport if necessary. As time goes on we need to adjust our lifestyle to lesscar dependency so if we have to give up it won’t be an enormous shock.

I lost confidence driving when I was heavily pregnant years ago and witnessed another car accident.
After not driving for a long time I knew I had to force myself to drive but every time felt and was, sick and very nervous. Gradually it got easier but it took a while.

Since then all is fine, but have recently noticed that I drive less and less especially at night. I know I have to do it, I don’t want to lose it. I am 73.

I find the comfort of having Satnav on has been great, it gives me confidence to make sure I’m in the correct lane etc. I never bothered before the pandemic but even my OH thinks it’s great and he being a map and paper and pen man for donkeys years.

very negative response I feel? A refresher course is a great idea and then she could decide herself.

The one thing that puts me off driving at night is the state of the roads. Hit a pothole badly. in the middle of nowhere at night, is my worst nightmare! So I play it stay and only drive during the day. I must say people’s driving is getting worse, with little regard for others on the roads especially the impatient youngsters trying to intimidate slow drivers.

Luckygirl3, my driving habits mirror yours and am also in an area where a car is a necessity if you want to get anywhere

So night driving became an issue a few years ago for me. Glare and difficulty seeing exits and turnings. I’ve just got myself glasses that come with a magnetic clip on night lense (it’s yellowish). Looking forward to see if it makes a difference. (I’m 57)

You can get yellow tinted " driving at night " glasses. Maybe think of a shared taxi if you don' t feel OK at night. Choose the time of day you go out, avoiding busiest times.

I am 64 and have never been confident driving on motorways or in the dark.

I was always fearful of joining onto the motorway from the slip road as the cars are speeding along so fast. About ten years ago I got a job that meant I had to go on a dual carriage was for part of the journey. Because of this, I have mostly got over my fear of 'joining in' but still don't enjoy motorway driving and avoid it if I can.

I also don't like driving in unfamiliar places. I do rely on my sat nav but I also Google the directions as well, just so that I have an idea of where I am supposed to be going. My sat nav comes up with some very strange routes sometimes.

I always felt so safe and secure in my car. Would happily drive anywhere anytime. Plenty of maps in car, later on satnavs also. Never imagined a time I would not have a car.

When I was looking for a new home many miles away from where I had always lived - a garage -was on my MUST HAVE list. And, when I did first move to Somerset, was quite happy driving to the eastern side of London to visit friends and family.

Always hoped that I was self-aware and sensible enough to know when I would need to stop driving - but it came on me quite quickly. Soon after my 80th birthday last summer, I accepted that I was no longer happy driving, by myself, back to London - preferred train.

Then, following a puncture during my weekly 6-mile round trip to Sainsbury's found myself 'listening' for noises each time I drove.

Sat down and worked out how much that weekly 6-mile round trip was costing (as it had become the only time I took the car out of the garage), and it was nearly a grand a year (Insurance, RAC cover, MOT, Service, occasional new tyre/repairs, etc). Decided I did not wish to wait either for a major accident or a series of small ones - and sold the car.

Fortunately, when I moved I had ensured that I was very close to good public transport - can use buses that stop right out my flats to and from Sainsbury's).

So, now I use my mobility scooter for all local journeys, and public transport with passenger assistance on trains, for longer journeys, and the local Dial a Ride and even the occasional taxi. Saving money, much more relaxed on all journeys.

I do not feel that, in any way, has not having a car, taken away any of my independence

@Kim19 I reckon I need those glasses, that's interesting - as is the older drivers' course sounds ideal for me!

I should have said in the OP, I am 59. That's what's worrying me - some of you are in your 70s and 80s and are still happy to drive. I keep coming back to the question why do I feel like this? I think maybe I am losing confidence all round. Maybe there is more to it than just driving

I've just invested in some anti glare specs and what a boon. I was beginning to find those fairylight styles on modern high cars a difficulty. Sorted!

Monica I do agree that being able to drive our car is invaluable. My DH has been hospitalised four times over the past few years and I have had to take him to A and E twice, it was such a boon to be able to take him myself, do necessary journeys and shopping etc and not call on family members for every little thing as my DIL’s mother has to, she really regrets not learning to drive.