Daughters behaviour - is this normal?

DiscoDancer.

Smileless2012

She could have asked but I wouldn't have, not for a 6 year old.

The OP's D sometimes ignores her, once for 2 years!! With a fractious relationship already in existence, would you have risked asking your D and possibly alienating her, with no reason for doing so, if her son at that age is likely to wet the bed? I wouldn't.

No..neither me. Wouldn’t have thought of it. I will now!!

I have a permanent mattress protector on my spare bed. It is not an issue. Accidents can happen. It is not a relationship problem. Enjoy your grandchildren. Mine are too old for sleepovers now.

One approach is to ask daughter.

"x unfortunately wet the bed last night, is everything OK?“

That would be 1 of probably many respectful ways to approach this as respect does work both ways.

Sister could be exageratting or it could have been thought the issue was past. Daughter could have run through a check list of things in her head and genuinely thought she had warned it was a possibility...

If thoughts immediately go to a lack of respect, that does not bode well for this relationship, it actively sabotages honest, respectful dialogue before it even starts

She could have asked but I wouldn't have, not for a 6 year old.

The OP's D sometimes ignores her, once for 2 years!! With a fractious relationship already in existence, would you have risked asking your D and possibly alienating her, with no reason for doing so, if her son at that age is likely to wet the bed? I wouldn't.

When my GC has a sleepover I put a huge bath sheet across the whole of the mattress, with one of these on top, and the bottom sheet over it to hold it all in place. At only £3.25 from Amazon its worth protecting your mattress just in case of night time accidents. GC are not even aware it's in place.

Maybe she could have asked ?
Some people seem too ready to see themselves as victims of a “lack of respect“ when common sense, a little love and understanding would go a long way to keeping relationships positive. As I said “accidents” happen, so why not be prepared?
Moaning about “ruining an expensive mattress” isn’t going to make that relationship thrive.
I had never come across many of the relationship issues which we read about on GN before I became a member 10 or so years ago. An apparent absence of compromise, understanding, and patience seems to characterise many of them.
There is no necessity to take everything as an insult or lack or respect - failure of communication, yes, but that works both ways.

Well it isn't beyond me MawtheMerrier, she has every right to be upset that her D didn't make her aware that her 6 year old GS was a frequent bed wetter.

I would so agree about not overthinking this.
But I would also always (and indeed do) have mattress protectors especially where children are concerned. It’s not exactly a big deal, but common sense.
These are no longer the “rubber sheets” of decades ago, but fine stretchy towelling with a soft waterproof backing , machine washable (but don’t tumble dry!) Absolutely undetectable .
It’s not just bed wetting- burst hot water bottles, spilt drinks, cups of tea etc.
I am amazed that this had not occurred to OP.
Any child can have “accidents” especially in a strange house with a different routine, but how OP manages to “blame” her daughter is beyond me. It says more about the relationship than the thread title too.

Dont overthink this. I would never have waterproofs on a bed, expect if there was a problem to be told, however his sister could have got in wrong as they do. It’s not the end of the world, just protect the bed next time,if it is every night I would be worried that something was bothering my grandson, that’s more important. If they have different rules in their house to what you have , just remember that next time, a house can soon be tidied after all, just be happy with them. No good having a tidy but empty house. I doubt your daughter meant any harm and let it go.

Good to know I'm not alone

There is a hormone that can be in small quantities in some children that stops the kidneys producing a lot of urine overnight. It usually improves by about 8. More common to be lacking in boys. So definitely not his fault. Your daughter should have prepared you and in future put mattress protectors on beds children sleep in but don't make a big thing as it may upset your grandson. Treat it as a lesson learned and be prepared in the future.

Joolsie - mothers and daughters!!! But then, I have a difficult son too. I have 3 children, the older two are quite difficult. I’m scared to say more, because I will be pulled up on it ?

agree with Bluebelle.
you can get what are called pyjama pants for youngsters.
also wise to protect a mattress regardless.
and a child that is dry at home may not be elsewhere.

I have a tense relationship with my daughter too but I figure if I want to have my grandkids visit me, I should not put 'things" before that. If they wreck something, it's only an object. Yes, they should respect things and yes, your daughter could have warned you, but it's not as important as being with your grandkids.

Just know you need to protect your important things; just assume the worst. Keep valuables up and away. Protect mattresses from accidents.

I have a very neat home too but before grandkid visits I always picture what could they could damage and then protect whatever it is. Right now they have pull ups for accidents in bed during naps or the occasional sleepover with mom, but when they stop using those I will protect the mattress.

Devorgilla

I'd be less concerned about the mattress and daughter disrespecting me and more concerned with health of the child. If the child is wetting the bed every night at 6 years, I think there is perhaps a medical/domestic problem. Is there discord in the daughter's home? Has the child been checked out for a urine infection or other problem? When my grandson started to wet the bed at around 8, he was diagnosed as having Type 1 diabetes. I'd check with your daughter if she has taken him to doctor. Meanwhile, in future you know to protect the mattress and reassure said grandson that he is not in trouble.

I am sorry that your grandson was diagnosed with diabetes and hope that he is doing well. However for the majority of bed wetters at 6 yrs old there are no physical or emotional reasons for the wetting. Often it runs in families so maybe dad was late at being dry at night. Statistics show that about 15% of 6 year olds are wet at night. By 7 it is recommended to be referred for a night alarm which helps train the child to recognise when they have a full bladder and need to get up to wee.
I would definitely have mattress protectors for young children and older relatives too ! Accidents can happen .

It seems very unkind of her not to warn you. However little fuss you made the boy must have realised that you were surprised which probably upset him. I wouldn't make too much of it with your daughter though as the boy will probably pick up on it and it will make it seem more of a problem in his eyes.

Maybe she thought you already knew. I wouldn't assume it is lack of respect, I'm sure she appreciated the break and you enjoyed spending the time with them. This isn't really anyone's fault

I'd be less concerned about the mattress and daughter disrespecting me and more concerned with health of the child. If the child is wetting the bed every night at 6 years, I think there is perhaps a medical/domestic problem. Is there discord in the daughter's home? Has the child been checked out for a urine infection or other problem? When my grandson started to wet the bed at around 8, he was diagnosed as having Type 1 diabetes. I'd check with your daughter if she has taken him to doctor. Meanwhile, in future you know to protect the mattress and reassure said grandson that he is not in trouble.

You can clean it and there is a spray available on Amazon that will remove the stain and smell worth a go if you don't want to replace the mattress.
I wouldn't make a big fuss over it with your daughter of you don't want to loose contact again I am sure the older child would have mentioned it so say it happened but don't make a drama about it. Buy a good mattress protector and pampers bed mats if they visit overnight again.

She should have told you. Not just because of the mattress, but in case the child got upset. I wouldn't automatically protect the mattress.

Personally i would have made sure that my kids had everything they needed, would have sent it with them or offered to buy any bits and pieces to live at that house if staying was going to be a regular thing. It does seem odd not to have mentioned it, however you have said there have been tensions. Might any of the following be the case?

1) is the sister exaggerating?
2) is your daughter stressed or was she pretty harrassed when she left?
3) have any of your previous arguments made reference to the fact that you know fine well how to care for children, having raised some yourself? (in which case has she assumed that you have it covered and/or will not thank her for checking)

I agree PinkCosmos. I never put thing out of reach when our boys were little as they were taught not to touch without asking first.

It was often quite an eye opener when I had other mums and their children when there seemed to be an 'anything goes' attitude.

I agree. It wouldn't have taken much for your daughter to warn you about the bed wetting. To be honest, I wouldn't automatically assume a six year old would be wetting the bed.

When we have our GS I always move ornaments etc. out of reach. It makes sense really, even though he has never tried to grab any of them, thanks to his mum explaining that he shouldn't.

My ex SIL had children who were wild and broke loads of my MIL's knick knacks. My children were told never to pick ornaments etc. up without permission. Might be going a bit off track here but I think children should be taught to respect other people's things.

I can understand how you feel Joolsie, it was thoughtless of your D not to let you know about your GS's bed wetting.

As DiscoDancer has posted, I also wouldn't have thought to have a mattress protected fora 6 year old. You go on your own experiences don't you, and if your own children were dry at night, you wouldn't expect your GS to be any different.

I suspect that had this been an unusual event, you would have felt differently, but knowing from his sister that he does this on a regular basis at home and your D not telling you, is annoying.

I hope the mattress cleans up OK.