Should I let my daughter, and family, live in my house?

Can you invite them over for a meal and say the purpose is to discuss the practicalities of sharing a small space, cost implications and duration of the arrangement? They will then know it is not an offer of an 'open ended' free stay. It will give you, & them, time to think about things/ expectations etc. Better to be honest & clear before they are installed. If they are in financial difficulties it would be entirely your choice how much you can support them via minimal rent/ utilities payment & how long you can let them stay. It might be that 6 months rent/ mortgage free is enough to balance books..but you need to think what you can cope with.

I would only do this for a month, no more. They need to be sorting themselves out. Trouble is, once they move in you may not be able to get them out. I would say you have had second thoughts about allowing them to move in with you but you are happy to help them out in another way . Can you afford to give or lend them a sum of money to assist them in finding a rental? Perhaps pay the first month's rent? Not easy for you.

Do they need to move to yours because his credit history is so bad?
I would be cautious, make some offer conditions plus enjoy having your DGC living with you for a while.

You have made the offer and it has been accepted. Now you need to draw up the rules of engagement although they should have been written at the time of making the offer.

I feel for you because it's clear you feel you want to support your daughter but what of the unmentionable habits of your son-in-law who is also poor with finances. He sounds like a liability who may be difficult to get rid of. Clear boundaries regarding time, space and financial contribution are necessary.

Being less negative than most of the previous posters this could be a really lovely time for you all as long as you have rules, expectations and stick to them.
I had my daughter, son in law and twin babies living with me for six months. It worked beautifully and none of us fell out but I do have a big house so we had space. It was also for a limited time as they sold their house easily then the next purchase was slow.
We all mucked in with jobs, I had that time to help with the boys and really Bond and the parents had a little freedom too.
However there were no worrying characteristics to deal with so I would say proceed with caution.
A thought - as your son in law is not good with money and has hidden debt, be very careful if he uses your address to borrow money or take out contracts ….

Get outside advice on what is reasonable ,for both house rules and money contributions (which will give you confidence when discussing them with your daughter and sil), enjoy having your daughter and 2 grandchildren with you, cost of living is rocketing, they MUST contribute,i am sure it CAN work out, and its what many Moms would offer, I would.

Unlike others I think this is a lovely idea. You can spend more time with your grandchildren and your daughter and it’ll be during the warmest months of the year too. But you need ground rules as others have said.

PECS, we did what you suggested before my DD and family moved in with us.
The 6 months stay they planned turned into 9 months because of house buying problems, but it worked well.
We didn’t charge rent, but did arrange a contribution to food and fuel bills.
Semperfidelis I hope things go well for you.

All valid comments above. As a mother I would have done the same as you and would probably also have your reservations, but I know my daughter would also be looking out for me and would make it all ok. If this is the same for you, keep the faith and trust her to sort it out. This might even be your daughters way of beginning a separation and easing the children into it if the relationship with her hubby is not good,
I married young and my husband was not the lovely man everyone thought he was (including me!) I didn't have children, but was so glad when my parents found out and suggested I move back home whilst I sorted myself out because otherwise, I might never have admitted what a dreadful mistake I had made (misplaced pride!). You could be doing her the biggest favour of her life.

I wouldn't, but I've been that long on my own in my home the thought of someone else living with me horrifies me. It's your family and I know you wouldn't want to see them in difficulties, but they'll have to really help you with bills, especially now. He needs to sort himself out by the sounds of it and look after his wee family, it's really not up to you to do it all.

If the house proceeds is sufficient and will go towards a new home and not sil debt for example, it's a bit late to back out now. Renting can be incredibly difficult at the moment, especially for a short term while the find a new place. Be sure you aren't landed with them permenantly. If they are selling to move on fine but if it's to clear debt that's maybe a problem as they will be stuck with you as they won't be rehoused by the council if they have your roof over your head. Frank discussion and legal advice essential I'd say. Get proper paperwork drawn up so that you can legally require them to leave if it became necessary.

I love my children to death but it would be my worst nightmare. And theirs

My children have come home with their families at different times but normally because they are waiting for a house to be available. There have been irritations but it has never been enough for us to fall out. Even my most difficult child turned out to be very bearable...it was her husband that made my jaw drop open. However, I found keeping my mouth shut was the best thing I could do until they moved back out again. Then I thanked my lucky stars that I didn't have to live with him.

I love my DC & spouse dearly; they're 100% honest, reasonable, & reliable - but I wouldn't want to live with them! Semerfidelis if you already have doubts, then IMO you may need to think again very carefully before you make such a huge commitment.

It doesn't sound promising .
It's your house and you have your needs .
Last year , one of my friends was in an appalling state of shock.
She'd allowed her daughter ,children and partner to stay with her in order to save for a house deposit .
The partner has a history of drug abuse .
Her daughter threatened and intimated her until she eventually asked them to leave .

I'd discuss practicalities and expectations.
From what they'd be bringing (where will you put it all), how much they need to contribute because yiur bills will go up, to discussions about bathroom and kitchen rotas (will you cook separately or share meals) , visitors and of course what they would be doing to find somewhere permanent.

My kids moved in with us, to save rent, so that they would be able to buy their own home. When they identified the side of town that they hoped to live in, close to DS's work, and an accessible route to DIL's work, we decided to move as well, so we could continue to provide childcare. Since it looked like a multi year prospect, we bought a bigger house, for them to live with us comfortably. It was a good thing that we did. The pandemic hit a year after we moved. The kids never missed a day of work, working from home, and we were there for childcare. The bigger house makes it possible. In our older, much smaller home, we would have been too crowded. Now it still looks like it may be years before they move out, if ever. Real estate prices are climbing faster than they can save. Indeed, our house has increased in value by more than our income. Even rentals have gone up by 30% just this past year. Anyhow, long way round to what I wanted to say, it might take longer than you expect for them to move on.

Why can't they rent privately until they find the house they're looking for? Surely they don't expect to live with you rent and expenses free?

My daughter and two young children lived with me for a year after her partner died and she was getting back on her feet I don’t remember any particular problems (and we can both be a bit strong minded) we both did our own thing I still have the kids bunk beds and wardrobes in ‘their’ rooms I bought for them coming and that was 15 years ago ?

She's your daughter. Do it.

Personally, I would say to your daughter, that you offered without having thought it through properly, but now that you've had time to think through the practicalities, you're really sorry but you've changed your mind. Tell them that you've realised how much you're used to having your own space, and don't feel that you'd ever be able to fully relax with them there. If they're really desperate they'll probably try to talk you round, in which case it will depend on how you feel about the reasons they are in this situation, but if you then decide that you really can't turn them away, they'll have an idea that you're really not overly happy about them staying at all, so then an offer of say a month's trial to see how things go, at the same time laying down ground rules about things like cooking, tidying up after themselves, how often and when they use the bath/shower, etc, will likely be more easily accepted. Be very careful though not to subsidise them, because not only are they then likely to get too comfortable and want to stay longer than you're happy with, but with bills all going up at a crazy pace at present, you could find yourself struggling. Of course I could be well off base with all of my suggestions, but as you haven't given us too much to work from, it's the best I could come up with under the circumstances.

If for some reason the shoe was on the other foot hopefully your daughter would welcome you into her home....I would give it a go after all she is your daughter and grandchildren...At least give them a chance...You'd feel awful if they became homeless....

If they are planning to apply for a Council tenancy then they will be considered adequately housed and have one heck of a wait before being offered anything. Also, if they move out on their own account then they will be considered having made themselves homeless and therefore penalised and probably no longer eligible to be on the Council waiting list. It’s a difficult decision and I’m afraid your daughter might be better off taking advice from her local Citizens Advice. Tell her that she MUST take legal advice.

You need to have a full & frank discussion with them about expectations....will they help towards the utilities & food? Do you have an area that you can escape to? My neighbours have had their married son, dil & 2 GC but they have a conservatory where the kids have their own tv and can play on their xbox etc. It seems to be working for them since Oct until now with a few months left until their house is built so maybe a time frame is needed - say 6 months max

No-I wouldn't do it. If it was just your daughter, fine, but not with a dodgy bloke in tow.Back out soon, don't muck them around.