How do you deal with living alone

I am trying to get used to being without the other half of me, and two plus months in it is actually getting harder. In some ways I lost my DH several years ago as Parkinson’s took him away, but now I am no longer caring for him I miss the man he was more and more.

Lots of sensible advice above from those who know. I am saying yes to things but recognise that I have to pace myself. I hope that time the great healer will work for me, but suspect it will take quite a long time. After all, for three quarters of my life he was the calm and loving centre, so I am not going to find a new way of living easily.

Honestly? After the initial anger and hurt when my ex departed with his new woman, I felt relief because I didn't have to pretend any longer to be anyone but myself. Granted that I still had two teenagers (and two cats) to cope with, but they never wanted to change me and still don't. Once on my own entirely, I was able to spread my wings. As I've got older, I do sometimes feel the need of companionship, and enjoy visiting family, but I'm always happy to get back through my own front door.

Hi I was married for 24 years and then found myself alone. I couldn’t stop crying etc dr said even though he didn’t die I still had to grieve his loss. I found my house suddenly felt very big and didn’t know what to do with myself. I found making meals at same times etc and finding different things to do like hobbies. I did consider buying a dog not a cat I’m not a cat person lol. But getting myself into a routine of doing things. You soon get used to it and I find I actually enjoy my own company now. You will get there in your own way.

Gymstagran is right, don't beat yourself up, take things at your own pace. You need to grieve so take time for that too.
I lived alone for over 10 years and did get a bit down at times. I found it helped to set myself a goal, go for a walk, ring a friend, complete an outstanding task. Then I could reward myself with a hot chocolate/ G & T whatever you fancy and read a few chapters of my book. Best wishes to everyone who is finding things hard at the moment.

Firstly don't beat yourself up. Living alone when you have been part of a couple for a long time is hard. Read all the replies here. There might be things that will help you but we are all different. Take your time and choose those that you like. Don't rush and if you are having a bad day, sleep eat cry whatever helps. Keep posting and people on this site will help all they can. Sending you hugs, flowers and kind words.

barb50 and to all of you struggling ((hugs))

Reach out to your gp and any support groups available to you.
Grief is a very personal thing and you deal with it how you need to.
Try to establish a daily routine... whatever that is to you.
Set the alarm , get up, make tea, shower and dress.
Always have something to do in the morning.. doesnt matter what it is.. dust one room, tidy out one drawer.
Walk to the shops, speak to people, even if you only buy 2 apples.. doesnt matter, get out there.
Stop for a cup of coffee. Talk to the waiting staff.
Eat proper meals... this is really hard... but you can cook the same quantities and portion up and freeze for another day..
Take care of you in small ways.. file your nails, use hand cream..listen to music.. as loud as you want..
Talk about your husband.. let yourself weep.. you are not responsible for other peoples reaction to your tears.. your feelings are valid and you can express them as and when you need to.
The pain will fade... it wont always be so present..you will carry the grief differently.. this is a new life going forward.. you cant change that so you have to live around it till it is the ' new normal'. I hate that phrase.. but it does say what I mean.
Please reach out for help.. you are not alone...

It is five months since my DH died and I understand how you feel.
Do not try to hide your sorrow from family because it is helpful to talk to them and tell them how you are feeling.
I found that I did not have the concentration to read novels and have not picked up a book but do try to do crosswords that keep my brain working.
In the bedroom I have Classic fm playing quietly in the background so that the house is not completely quiet.
I have not joined bereavement groups, rightly or wrongly, I thought talking to others might actually increase my grief.
I hope you can come to terms with your new way of life, give yourself time to heal.

It is very early days for you.My DH died just over 2 years ago, I had never lived alone either and at first found it very difficult. My family were very good but they have their own families and are very busy. I try and go out everyday even just to the park for a walk . Sleeping alone was strange and I considered moving into the spare room but didn’t in the end .Grieving takes time but I think try and get a GP appointment and think about bereavement counselling. I am fortunate in a way as three of my close friends have also lost their OH , and we are able to support each other. Give yourself time, it does get better and you will suddenly realise one day that life isn’t too bad ?

hi i am living alone for the very first time in my 77 years ,i lost my partner 2nd nov last year he passed away in hospital he had copd ,diabitis ,chronic kidney disease ,he would never let me go into the drs with him ,i didn,t know he had chronic heart disease until the dr in the hospital told me ,its been a very difficult relationship for the past 22years due to him being stubborn and awkward ,the past 2years have been a nightmare because ive been in constant pain with my knee and expected to do everything ,i have 5 grownup children but only 2 live close to me ,even though my 3 girls loved him my 2 sons didn,t because all of them didn't like the way he treated me , ive lost 3 brothers in the past 6years who were my best friends my partner didn't give me any support at all .for years ive been so angry and resentful with him because he put my next door neighbour first when she wanted something doing he was there like a shot but didn't give me the same attention ,when i complained about it he said was i accusing him of having an affair which i didn't he stopped our intimate relationship ,i gave him chances to put it right but he never did ,i moved in our spare room that was 9 years ago .i now have to learn to get rid of the anger and resentment ,i at least had my gardens and books and laptop that kept me busy ,my youngest daughter moved to s/west France 7 years ago they have a lovely bb over there ,i was 70 first time on a plane and loved it ive been twice a year and going again in june with my eldest daughter ,also down to portsmouth to my middle daughters ,my eldest son works 6days a week so don't get to see him very often ,my youngest son takes me shopping when he has his days off ,so really i am lucky i have a lovely best friend too ,it can be lonely and i have weepy days i have a beautiful cat pippa lol she thinks she is a dog when the doorbell rings she has got to see who it is she is very clever and so funny we play hide and seek love her to bits ,ive decided not to dwell on the past and get my knee sorted in april once over that i will start my new life ,sorry ive written so much it has helped me to write it down ,wishing you all happiness and good luck for the future xx

I lost my OH in 2020 and I do understand how hard it is to deal with living alone and to find purpose in life.

I do not think you should feel bad about breaking down in front of your family - my DDs were quite happy for me to do this and were glad to be able to help pick me up.

It is worth contacting CRUSE - they were a great help to me on the early days. www.cruse.org.uk/

Sending a hug - there are lots of us on here in the same boat and always happy to chat.

Big hugs it is very hard, our life and future have changed completely.

Unfortunately our children don't understand our grief as it is very different to theirs, and they cannot and do not want to comfort you. They want you to comfort them as you did when they were small. It is only now my children are older that they realise how alone I am and might be for the rest of my life, whilst they have partners and are planning for their futures.

I would recommend joining the website for widows called WAY UP, I found the support from other widows invaluable, especially in the very raw early days. I also went for counselling, which helped with some of the regrets I had. My husband had a heart problem, as well as COPD, and the weekend before he died he refused to allow me to take him to hospital. Counselling helped me accept the situation.

I found leaving the radio on when I went out helped, as I wasn't coming home to a silent house. I also left a light on as well when I took the dog out for his evening walk as I didn't like coming back to a dark empty house. As I have a dog I don't have a burgular alarm, but when he passes I will have one installed. It took me a long time to get used to sleeping alone, and I'd wake up at the slightest noise.

I would also recommend accepting all invitations, even if you really don't feel like going. Sadly you will find that people you considered good friends fall away, they just don't know what to say.

When you are ready to start mixing with people again, join some groups, whether it be U3A or a bowls club, so that you can build a social life of your choosing. I still find the evenings the most difficult.

I would advise thinking about how you would like to celebrate important 'firsts' - Father's day, birthdays, anniversaries etc. This caused me great anxiety in the first year but now I have a 'tradition' and it does help.

Your grief will always remain the same, but life goes on and you will make baby steps towards rebuilding a new life, and eventually cope.

Good luck and remember to be kind to yourself.

You are recently bereaved and bound to be feeling sad and lonely. All this will pass but it takes time. You have had some good advice on here and I echo most of it. Living alone can be very satisfying. You can do what you want, when you want. It certainly doesn’t mean being lonely.

Seeing your GP is a good idea as you may need something to help you for a short time.

You will always have someone to talk to on here as there are often people on throughout the night and others have gone through the same as yourself so can empathise with how you’re feeling. It will get better

Such kind posts made me cry. Helped me too, encouraged me makes me feel less alone thank you

If you’re feeling very low and weepy don’t hesitate to speak to your doctor and consider taking anti depressants for a while. When my marriage ended I couldn’t stop crying and they really helped me because they brought me back up to a level where I could function properly again. They weren’t addictive. 1 The loneliness was terrible and I have always been a solitary person. I found the internet quite a comfort as there is usually someone around 24/7. x

I am not widowed but for what’s it’s worth I think grieving is something we must embrace and not try to hurry it. It’s early days and I have never experienced the emotions you are going through but didn’t want to scroll by without sending kind support.
Living alone can be very rewarding and life beyond the front door can be exciting. Each new day to please yourself & do all those things which eluded you during coupledom.
Small steps, go outside every day, make conversation with strangers in the supermarket, at the bus stop, in the coffee shop. Develop new routines & keep an open mind. When you’re ready think about new hobbies, voluntary work, get a dog, buy a campervan! The world’s your oyster!
Eventually your days might get so busy you will be glad to come home, shut the front door, kick off your shoes & sit with a cuppa & the paper.
It just takes time to readjust but you’ll get there. You’ll see.
Someone once said to me “the world won’t come to you so you must go to the world.” That’s a great thought & helps me to cope with living alone when I have to but that’s another story.
Chin up.

Maybe it’s not about living alone that’s the problem but losing your husband so recently, so more about bereavement
Can you have some bereavement counselling ?
Do get your own health checked and don’t underestimate the shock and sadness of losing someone you loved

As for living alone I enjoy it but then it was my choice many years ago and far better than a difficult marriage yours is a very different situation
Do see your Gp and accept help

Theodora, it really is a struggle. I never lived alone either my whole entire life, until my husband died very suddenly in 2015.

I dealt with it by being busy all the time, then I went to bed tired. I joined the national trust and went there from time to time and ate out, always a table on my own. It took about three years before I felt able to be in control of my own life and I decided to move, which I did early 2019. Again I was busy, downsizing lots of stuff, making this house my own. Everything was placed on hold soon after that because of lockdowns and I became engrossed in my solitary hobbies. Soon, I think I will spread my wings and hope to find some groups of like minded people. It is very much up to me.

There are stages in the grieving process, it takes time but little by little you learn to adapt and cope.

I occupied my time with so many activities I had no time to think about my living situation - never read so many books in very little time

How long have you been living alone?
It may take you a while to get used to it

Theodora - I think you were the one with the ‘internal vibrations’ problem. I am putting two and two together, and feel you are not in a good place, health wise. You have only recently lost your dear husband. And who can blame you for feeling this way? A few posters on the other thread, if I remember right, have suggested you see your GP, regarding these issues. I think you should.
Try not to break down in front of your children. They will worry about you. Our children have got enough on their plate.
Your GP should be your first port of call. Do give them a call in the morning . Good luck

? I have no advice just a great big virtual hug.