Any wise words on leaving this mortal coil

Esspee I'll do that! ?

V3ra

As a family we've always had cremations for as long as I remember, but what to do with the ashes has been a bit vague.

When my husband and I were making our wills, he answered the phone one day and called across to me that they wanted to know what I want done with my ashes.
I was taken by surprise and said, "I have no idea, put scatter me in the Caribbean sea for all I care!"

So that's what my will says ?
And my husband keeps reminding me to make sure I leave him enough money to take me ?

? My husband’s ashes were scattered in the Caribbean Sea V3ra:. If you end up there say hello to him from me. ?

Another aspect - when one partner of a happily married couple dies.
This companionship bond unites the pair as one soul, so when one leaves their soul is waiting somewhere for their "other half" to join them.
So I've been told by people who agree. My husband says we're going to go together.

My mother died some months ago and I was involved in organising her funeral. She left a 'letter of wishes' as to what music and just one reading. It was to be cremation and her ashes to be put into the sea at a certain location. We decided on a wicker coffin, not a cheap option tho there was a imported one a bit less than one made locally. The cardboard option could be any colour and even with a photo/picture on it. What with covid complications and people travelling it was a month til the service. The ashes are now in a special cardboard pillow awaiting a final gathering of family from afar. This is designed to be floated off a boat to slowly sink

I still have my mother’s ashes (she died in 2015) and my brother* has my father’s - he died many years previously. We just can’t agree on where to put them, and the family is very scattered, so getting everybody together is never going to be easy, especially given health problems of one couple now.

*I asked him a few years ago whether he still had the old man, as we used to call him, and he replied, I’ve got something that could be him, or it could be the scrapings out of the woodburner…’

For anyone who might be shocked, my father would have been the first to laugh! He didn’t care what happened to him after he was gone - but he did say that he’d come back and haunt anyone who wasted money on flowers for his funeral. So my mother put a small posy on his coffin anyway, because she wanted him to.
Alas for her, it didn’t work.

Grandmagrewit

I have a religious background and I'd always envisaged that my funeral would be held in the seaside parish church where my grandfather was vicar and he and all his children, including my parents, are buried. But in the last year I've attended 3 funerals and have been left saddened that although many families still include hymns in the service, almost no-one sings them - not even "All things bright and beautiful" which seems to be the go-to choice. It was quite depressing to hear the church organ playing (at half speed) and just a couple of folk (including myself!) trying valiantly to produce something vaguely musical. The crematorium service was a bit better, with a backing tape of choral singing, but most people under 40 no longer know any hymns. I'd still like to have a church send-off but have told my family that they must sing - loudly and at a good speed - otherwise I'll come back to haunt them!

That’s why I don’t want hymns at my funeral. Just prayers.

Cremation certainly wasn’t considered acceptable in the old faith, the resurrection of the body part of the belief.
Times have changed and I will be cremated, but a little part of me feels I might possibly just step out of my grave as in the famous Stanley Spencer painting, renewed and restored if I’m buried!
I have also left instructions that my ashes be scattered in the sand dunes at the bottom of the road, looking out to sea on a still day…I don’t want to put my children to the trouble of travelling miles across the country to a favourite spot (Oxfordshire) even though my heart is there.
Talking about hearts, I thought it was gruesome that Thomas Hardy, who wanted to be buried in his hometown churchyard, had his heart removed for that purpose so his body could be buried in Westminster Abbey.

I have a religious background and I'd always envisaged that my funeral would be held in the seaside parish church where my grandfather was vicar and he and all his children, including my parents, are buried. But in the last year I've attended 3 funerals and have been left saddened that although many families still include hymns in the service, almost no-one sings them - not even "All things bright and beautiful" which seems to be the go-to choice. It was quite depressing to hear the church organ playing (at half speed) and just a couple of folk (including myself!) trying valiantly to produce something vaguely musical. The crematorium service was a bit better, with a backing tape of choral singing, but most people under 40 no longer know any hymns. I'd still like to have a church send-off but have told my family that they must sing - loudly and at a good speed - otherwise I'll come back to haunt them!

If you are afraid of being buried alive, you can always choose to be embalmed. If you aren't dead at the beginning of the process, you certainly are by the end!

But, to be serious, I have seen several dead people - my mum and dad, my little baby niece, and quite a few of my in-laws as they are Hindus and always have an open coffin. None of them looked like they were still alive.

One of the biggest surprises, though I tried not to show it, was when my brother-in-law's ex-wife died in the night from a heart attack and we went round straight away in the morning to comfort her sons. When we got to the house, one of her boys said "Do you want to come upstairs?" and I said yes, because I thought that her youngest son who lived with her was up there. Instead I was led into her bedroom where she was lying in bed. It was a bit of a shock, as she did look extremely dead, but I tried to look as if I had been expecting it. Later, people said that she looked like she was sleeping. No, she didn't, not a bit.

I mentioned this later when I was chatting to my GP. He said that he had seen hundreds of dead people and none of them looked like they were sleeping. They definitely looked as if some vital essence had gone.

Where, how and if that "essence" still exists is a matter of belief. I comfort myself with the thought that maybe we do go back into timeless energy - "like a drop of rain flowing to the ocean" as we Pagans believe/hope - but, if I'm wrong, I won't know and therefore it won't matter.

As Mark Twain said, all the millenia when he didn't exist, before his birth, caused him no inconvenience at all, so why should the millenia after his death bother him?

Sorry for typos it is getting late now

I am a practising catholic and believe in the immortality of the soul, it is just your body that dies as I regard it as a covering for your soul and wheat covering is worn out it dies, and the soul leaves it to go somewhere else. The thought of that gives me comfort.
I saw both my husband and my mother die, for both of them it was a blessed release from long illnesses.I am a retired nurse and am used to seeing and handling dead bodies.In every case it s the same, straight after death the body is like an empty shell as the soul, being the part of the person you knew, has gone so what you are seeing is just that an empty shell.I left my mother in her room afterwards and had no desire to see her again, as I knew she would not be the same.My son and my granddaughter were present with me when my husband died, he was in hospital some left him to go outside for a while then remembered we had left our things in his room so went back to his ward. A nurse told us the priest was coming to bless his body so we decided to be there with him.The nurses had washed him, he was looking very peaceful but his skin was white and he was as cold as ice.Somehow I knew he was at peace.He had had severe heart disease for many years and in that time had plenty brushes with death but always fought back .He was very augumentive and stubborn I would joke with him that he had got to the pearly gates loads of times but had argued so much with Saint Peter he had been sent straight back!.Obviously this final time he had give-up arguing.
He was cremated as were his own wishes.We took a full set of clothes to the undertakers to dress him in but I let them do it, as I did not wish to see him.
I have decided to be cremated when the time comes.I live opposite a cemetery and the amount of neglected graves in there is upsetting.The trouble is families move away, and the people who attended the graves regularly have departed themselves, so often there is no one left to me regularly.Our local council puts notices on neglected gravestones asking relatives to inform the relevant office re upkeep of the grave if no response then the stone is removed and the area is grassed over.
A cremation is over and done with, no dead body left rotting in a grave, no obligation to attend a grave regularly.Our local crematorium has a memorial garden where flowers can be left in memory of loved ones.
Death comes to us all, no matter who you are it is the great leveller.As Mr Micawber in David Copperfield said, ''There are only two certain things in life, death and taxes.''Some people manage to escape taxes but no one escapes death.

Eglantine.
I could never get the spelling right.

Now, who was it who wrote an almost poetic, scientific explanation for what happens after death?
I can't remember the users name, but she gave a marvellous description.
Wish I could remember, but it will come to me..

So there are basically 2 views about the end of human life.
One - the material body is worn out and that's the end.
Two ' there's a non-material part which lives on and seeks a new place to settle. Call it spirit soul etc.
On top of that , the effect of the relationships that the person leaves behind through their non=material existence.
maybe.

I don’t think about it. Yes, I’ve chosen cremation but that’s it! Job done, filed, put away. My only thoughts are how to comfort my children and support them. I know how much I miss my mother and it upsets me greatly that I won’t be here to help my children grieve for me!

I don’t care how I am disposed of, because my spirit will soar and join the energy of the stars, we are all made of this stuff you know. Our core/ spirit is energy, and we are told that energy can never die?
People are embarrassed, to hear about anything other than what they can perceive? So they will never understand the Universe, the planets, nor do they want to. Whatever would they think if we had more than one life? Or if there were more than one universe? Food for thought? Or not ? Whatever makes you feel secure???

I have paid for my cremation so my family do not have to worry about findinng the cash. this week I also filled in a 'Respect' form with my GP so now everything is in place. My family do not have to make any decisions about me should I have an accident or a heart attack etc. My decisions have already been made. much better and now I do not have to worry

It used to bother me, but it doesn’t anymore, as the wait for dispatching is so long I’m sure someone would notice! I have always thought of a dead body as a sort of used husk, it’s the soul that matters. As for death itself, every living organism on this earth it going to die at some time, as all of us are. I just hope it doesn’t hurt!

I don't really care I know where my soul is going that's what matters to me

I would like to add a different slant to this. I have played the organ for many funerals now and it is always a privilege to provide this service as l like to think it can give some comfort to people. It is always special if the person had some favourite music and hymns that they liked. I played for my father’s funeral and I found it helped me to have something specific to do and to play music that was special to him. He loved Leroy Anderson’s music so my daughter on flute and I on piano played the beautifully poignant Forgotten Dreams. My eyes well up each time l hear Forgotten Dreams now, though, even if it is only in my head.

My DH said he wants someone to punch him to make sure he's gone, I've offered..... l feel it is my duty as his loving wife ?

I lost my mum last summer and I started to overthink about the funeral, fearing I wouldn't be able to go as it would be too emotional and that point when the coffin goes behind the curtain. I would definitely recommend, if you have the funeral of a close relative to deal with, go to the Chapel of Rest and spend a bit of time with them. I had taken a really lovely outfit for my mum to be dressed in which I gave to the funeral director a few days before. Unfortunately, I didn't give them a photo which showed how she used to have her hair styled and they tried their best but got it so wrong (not their fault) but it didn't look like my mom. We told the funeral director and, bless her, she came in with a comb and a tin of hairspray and tried to restyle it slightly. After that we, (myself and two other family members) just talked and stroked mom's face. If you've never seen a deceased person ready for a funeral, they look like they're asleep, beautiful but they feel like a manikin. At that point you realise that they are not there any more and I believe you are able to seperate the person you knew and loved from the 'shell' and things get easier. I think it also has a lot to do with your beliefs. I believe once you pass over, your spirit/soul departs and the vehicle your soul was in is now empty.

With regards to the funeral. Try not to make it a 'sob-fest'. Make it a Celebration of their life. Choose songs they loved during life, or that they found funny. Everyone that came out of the crematorium were smiling and talking, not ashen faced and sombre.

If you worry about your own funeral, write down what you would like to happen. The music you want played, etc. You don't necessarily have to pay up front but bear in mind that by the time you do pass, it could well be very expensive.

Jenh66

Depressing topic

Sorry you find this thread depressing Jenh66 I think it can be helpful talking about these things and get them out in the open. It is part of life and some of the humour and good sense on here I have found very refreshing. In Indian culture they have a very different view of death

Can't bear the thought of burial and rotting slowly away. In the last 18 months two of my friends have been widowed and their husbands buried. I see how much comfort they get from spending time at the graveside but it's not for me or DH, and we know that in the long term our DDs would not want to be bothered with maintenance of a grave. We are now wondering about having our ashes buried and marked with a memorial stone as a focus to visit. A while back we thought about having our ashes scattered but our experience with our last dog put us off that. We scattered the dog's ashes from the top of a mountain in Wales (a favourite walk spot). It was a very windy day and the ashes flew back all over over us. Went home with dusty faces and hair, and cagoule pockets full of ash....

Victorians used to put bells on graves which the interred person could ring if they woke up.

historycollection.com/buried-alive-common-victorian-era-doctors-used-10-methods-prevent/