What would you do if you were given a gift by your child who won't chat on the phone or see you IRL?

Yes, I remember those full days of tiring children, juggling work and everything. These days we still juggle work and everything, but we attempt to meet the needs of elderly parents instead of children. It's so depressing looking after elderly parents and realising life only goes one way.

There hasn't been any type of falling out. But some people have said that it must have happened or he would be talking to me. I appreciate having a balanced view on it.

I did say thanks and will try to send them good thoughts and be mindful of the fact that they are probably struggling with little ones and work as much as we are struggling with older ones and work.
Thanks for the input. Not everything is about us, is it.

When you are busy with work, children, the usual household stuff etc, time passes very quickly. It’s perfectly possible that they have just been tied up with ordinary stuff and haven’t been counting the days since they last saw you.

I think people on GN, especially on the estrangement threads, tend to label any lack of contact as estrangement, when it may just be that other things got in the way and time has raced past. If you haven’t had a falling out, I suggest that you put the kindest and most pragmatic spin on the lack of contact.

As for Easter gifts - if he sent you a gift, that’s nice. Say thank you graciously and do the usual Easter eggs for the kids thing. Stop trying to read a sub-text into a kind gesture, and just accept it at face value.

Feelingmyage55 he may have a bit of a conscience as he completely missed Mother's Day.

We only live down the road from them and there's nowhere nearby except for fast food which they aren't keen on and neither are we. The last time we saw them we all went out for a meal, but it was prompted by them wanting to go to a particular restaurant. If I try to suggest anything it falls on deaf ears.

I have never interogated DiL , we don't speak at all except face to face or on very rare video calls to my son. Maybe I come across as "too interested" to my son, though as he barely talks abut his kids or wife. I will have to work on being "less interested".

I would love short and sweet, or anything! If only we could bump into them somewhere so it could happen naturally.

It's so sad to missing out on the GC and they were asking for us after they last visited, but that was a few months ago. Perhaps I should apologise for hoping to see them? Once this year and they live a few minutes drive away. Expensive gifts don't make up for missing out on their development, but of course I'll just be dutifully grateful and drift into the unknown.

I definitely wouldn’t try to give a big gift to match the generous one you were sent. However, a written thank you note, sent by post, would be better than text or trying to phone.

Hello, I’d recommend accepting the gift graciously. Maybe he feels a little bit of conscience about how busy he is. He has created his own family now and young people seem to be spread so thin. Please don’t look for some other meaning. I know someone who “takes offence” at everything and have backed away. Don’t over message. I think that makes some people pull back. In a few weeks maybe say you are eating out near them, ask if they are free for a quick lunch. Keep it light. I felt as though my MIL interrogated me and then it was her “news” to go round everyone with, no discretion and overshared. She was (too) interested. Think if this might be the case. Perhaps your son is very private.
I hope you see them soon on good terms. Short and sweet is fine. I’d love to see my son more but I’ve learnt (had to) quality and lightness over quantity.

Mawthemerrier that's probably true... I'm not pushing at all and like I said, six months passed last year with us not pushing at all. I just came here to talk about it to help me cope with not pushing at all...

On the Estrangement forum it's been said that he's playing head games, and he may be- but I'd rather think the best
I don’t read the Estrangement threads but that does not mean I do not sympathise with anyone in that situation.
However, you are not in that position- although were you to push for greater communication or try to pin him down why this is happening, you could very well be., if you see what I mean.

Back off, don’t push, no pressure, keep a light touch, keep an open mind and remember we are not nearly as important to our adult children as they are to us

PECS I've done the phone call (no answer), I've done the text too, but he doesn't reply any time I mention a get together or the GC. He will reply about other subjects, though.

I did text thankyou.

A thank you for the present/Easter Card or a phone call/text ..whatever you usually do!
Mention you have some Easter Eggs for them.. would they like to come to you for lunch, cup of tea or go out for a meal (your treat?) as you would love to see them but you understand they may be busy in which case you can just drop them round. Ball in their court but no pressure.

I do feel a bit obligated to send a gift back... I'd already bought them eggs and some toys for the kids, but this was a really luxury hamper. All I really wanted to do is share it with them, but if I can't do that then maybe I should send them the best stuff to enjoy in their own space.

Thanks Poshpaws.

On the Estrangement forum it's been said that he's playing head games, and he may be- but I'd rather think the best. I really miss them, but will take your advice.

I agree with others take it for what it is don’t overthink accept his present with thanks and send w hat you usually send There doesn’t sound any estrangement perhaps he has stuff on his mind or a busy life he obviously loves and thinks of you as you have a present ( bit early isn’t it)
Take what’s given in the way of love and time and stop chewing over it He’s busy but cares enough to chose a nice present

I would send a card saying "a big thank you for our lovely gift"; but I wouldn't send a return gift yourself otherwise it'll look like you are just feeling obligated to do a tit for tat gifting, which isn't really the spirit at all.

You could also mention that you miss seeing the whole family, but you understand they may be really busy, and would they just let you know when they're ready for a get together.

That way you make it clear you aren't withdrawing nor are you trying to interfere in their lives nor put pressure on them.

I have accepted the gift with thanks JaxJacky
That's a good idea about leaving the eggs on the doorstep. I might have to do that.

Do you not think I should match the value of their (expensive) gift?

Perhaps it's something along those lines, then.
It could be something awful like a miscarriage, or something, so probably leave them to deal with it how they see fit, I reckon.

I think perhaps DiL might be pregnant seeing as the most conversation he made was about a relative who's just had a baby...It was literally the only thing he took an interest in and he's usually not interested at all in the wider family or other people's kids.

Accept the gift with thanks and a note/email however say you hope they all have a lovely Easter. Mention you have Eggs that you’ll just drop on the doorstep and quickly ring the bell hoping their in.

Maybe I am overthinking, but it's useful to discuss and get into proportion without actually discussing with him.

It's just that I'm scared of losing him/them again. We didn't see or hear from them for six months last year. We never found out why and only saw them at all because we took the initiative to turn up on their door step with gifts because it was Christmas and we had gifts that we wouldn't have been able to give them otherwise, after waiting and waiting to hear from them and not hearing anything. We were really patient waiting six months with no complaints or requests, but then after we turned up they seemed really pleased to see them and wondered if we shouldn't have left it so long.

It's just so hard to know sometimes. In the past he has wanted to be chased... but it might not always be that way.

Perhaps there are unseen problems going on that are taking up all of his time and energy.

I would have been forthright and asked my daughter if I had offended her, and she would have no qualms in telling me if I had.

I really can't get my head around pussyfooting around.

Could he be not well, or perhaps his wife/partner, perhaps?

Some people really like to deal with that themselves.

Honestly onwardandupward you sound as if you are overthinking this.
The last time we saw him everything seemed positive and we had a good time together. It doesn't make sense
Leave it at that. He is busy, he may be stressed and it is your role as his mum to be supportive not demanding.
Do not go looking for trouble.

MawtheMerrier maybe I do come across a bit interogatory, but I don't know how to ask about the GC without asking about them, if you know what I mean.

He has never been that keen to talk about them, which I've found a bit strange- but I haven't pushed it.

Oopsadaisy I didn't mean send the gift back, but produce like for like. It would mean spending way more than we usually do on Easter eggs.

Yes I agree with MawtheMerrier take this at face value and enjoy your gift. Send the eggs as you had previously decided.

I don't know what he wants MissAdventure
Last year I actually thought he had estranged me, but we surprised them by turning up on Christmas Eve (with gifts) and they seemed quite happy to see us. We saw them in the New Year and had what seemed like a happy family meal. Then it's all gone quiet.

I know he has a lot on his plate with his work... but I don't know what to do unless I just turn up.... It may be that he sent the gift because he doesn't feel he has time to visit or be visted but he hasn't said and isn't answering the phone.

If you send the gift back, he will take it very badly.

Accept the gift, smile nicely and send a thank you letter.

When did Easter gifts become a thing?
Send him an Easter egg ?
From whatyou say though, and I believe you started another thread on the same topic, it is up to you how you interpret his communication or lack of it.
Head games? Not sure I understand what you or “some people” mean.
He may have a lot on his mind and may not feel like discussing the grandchildren- perhaps your side of the conversation comes across as too like an interrogation?
I Wouk say do try not to overthink this.
Say thank you fir the present, show that is has brought you pleasure and back off a bit.

I think I would just deliver or send the eggs you've bought, and say nothing.
Do you think he somehow wants you to open up some kind of dialogue, though?