Death of a parent, covid and retirement

Betty, I am very sorry for your loss. No matter how difficult she was, she was your mum. I know people say it but give this time and I wouldn't be rushing to join things either. Take it slow, go out on the odd day trip. Get out into the country or go a weekend away if you can. Recharge the batteries. As time goes by, you will find yourself again and your happy memories of your mum will come back. It's obvious, you loved your mum and she loved you. Take care and go easy.

You are in a whirlwind because in a very short period of time you’ve had some massive things to process. I am so sorry that you’ve lost your Mum. You’ll still be grieving and need time before you’ll remember all the happy times you’ve shared with her. Many on Gransnet will identify with the difficulties that caring for an increasingly sick or frail parent can present. Being the butt of someone’s increasing anger, frustration, resentment is unfair and punishing. But we do it because we remember how that parent used to be - before age, infirmity, confusion or desperation took over. You’ll get back your lovely memories, don’t despair.

You’ve retired. And you’re going to love that just as soon as you get used to being off the treadmill and you start looking forward to new plans, different routines, more time for friends, trips and hobbies. It will all come good, you’ll see. In the meantime just ‘be’ - take your time, do exactly as the mood takes you, be very kind to yourself. There’s no rush and you’ve been very unwell so remember that this too will affect your mood and your outlook.

I wish you good health, lots of future plans to bring you happiness. Baby steps for now, but you’ll get there. ??

I sympathise with the strange feeling of space in one’s life after being totally absorbed by caring and I feel the same, though as I currently have covid I don’t have much energy to do anything about it. Grief, guilt and exhaustion are a very difficult combination and I haven’t yet worked out an answer, though there will be good advice from those further along the road. I just didn’t want to ignore your heartfelt message.

Betty65 Life is on the up for you. It's just that your mind and heart haven't quite caught up with that yet given the whirlwind you've been through. It will take time to adjust, but one day you will wake up realising that all your time is yours and yours alone to do as you wish. How lovely.

In the meantime relax, talk to good friends and family, indulge yourself in some happy, quiet and cheery treats. Don't commit to too much until you're ready. Talk to your GP if you are struggling.

Covid, grief, exhaustion and a big change are all demanding. Be good to yourself and all will be well.

The posters are giving good advice, Betty65: be kind to yourself. You have been through so much, you need time to recover your equilibrium. Sending you best wishes ❤

So sorry for your loss

There are so many changes in your life right now, you are grieving and your routine and purpose are disrupted

You will find your new normal, give it time

Sincere condolences for your loss Betty. Losing your mum is never easy regardless of how difficult they may have been and it's only been 2 months.

So much to deal with in such a very short space of time. You need time to grieve, to come to terms with her last 10 years so that you can concentrate on all those happy memories from all the years before.

Everything will settle down, you'll once again enjoy the time you get to spend at home and have that great feeling that you no longer have to be up for work the next day.

Making plans is good, even if you don't go ahead with them so looking at clubs etc in your area is a good idea. You will eventually structure your days and retirement will be a pleasure.

As Grandmafrench has said Baby steps for now, but you'll get there.