Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Sleepy husband

(32 Posts)
Nana56 Fri 15-Apr-22 19:31:08

Does anyone have a husband that sleeps a lot in the evening.
He is 68 years young. He's living,kind and generous and I feel awful being irritated.
Every evening falls asleep usually after insisting on watching some awful TV programmes.
Also, if I suggest having family get together says ' I'm not a restaurant '

I know deep down he loves his family but he says he can do it from a distance!!
I know he's protecting me from doing too much, but I love having the family together.
Yesterday , my sister, who has multiple health issues asked for a lift back from hospital. I asked husband if he might be available and he said ' let her get a taxi"
I know I can be too much of a pleaser but this attitude is soooo annoying.

Rant over, thanks for reading

Nana56 Mon 18-Apr-22 18:27:35

I have suggested going to doctor and even making appointment for him. He's recently been diagnosed with AF and that's not helped.
He thinks he's protecting me from doing too much. Also ge knows that the children earn more than we could ever have dreamt off. I'm really proud if them abd still like to treat them.
I think the main problem is boredom since retirement. We do go out together ,walking coffee etc. I go to the gym . He has shed things to do. I thinks he's depressed.

Kate51 Mon 18-Apr-22 15:06:38

I had similar problems with my husband, got him to the doctor and he was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. After medication he is like a new man. Might be worth a check with his GP.

Curlywhirly Mon 18-Apr-22 09:40:42

My husband could sleep for England and win! He's been like that since I met him (age 16). He could quite easily sleep for 12 hours a night and still have an hour nap after his evening meal. It doesn't bother me, apart from on holiday, when he changes his routine and has a 2 hour nap before we go out for dinner! I so wish I could just drop off to sleep so easily- I'm the opposite, I go to bed late and regularly wake up at 5.30am, 5 hours seems to be all I can manage.

Carenza123 Mon 18-Apr-22 06:49:37

Perhaps he has sleep apnoea? My husband was diagnosed years ago and wears a mask every night for this condition which helps a lot. Again, retired husbands seem to be bored and inactive which is not good for their well-being either. Mine has control of the tv remote and annoyingly falls asleep.

Katie59 Sun 17-Apr-22 09:24:34

Men are much more prone to this than women, because after a meal it’s usually us that clears away and does the washing up. Even this moderate activity uses up the excess blood sugar, going for a walk does the same, so keep active if at all possible.

NanKate Sat 16-Apr-22 18:26:29

He could have an underactive thyroid

BlueSky Sat 16-Apr-22 17:33:08

Audi thanks

Audi10 Sat 16-Apr-22 16:52:11

Falls not fails

Audi10 Sat 16-Apr-22 16:48:52

He did however always go to bed at same time 10.30pm, did wake up in the night a couple of times just to go to the toilet he used to say! It wasn’t until he went into a care home after having fails etc that he developed type 2 diabetes and had a stroke that’s when the tiredness really got to him

Audi10 Sat 16-Apr-22 16:44:08

Blue sky don’t worry my father had Alzheimer’s and did not go to sleep in evenings or in chair in afternoon he was 83 at time and always went walking

Cabbie21 Sat 16-Apr-22 16:30:44

Goes to bed

Cabbie21 Sat 16-Apr-22 16:30:35

My husband falls asleep after every meal. He picks the TV programme he wants to watch then sleeps through it, but if I change channel he is awake! He goes to be ridiculously late and is always tired. He blames his medication.

V3ra Sat 16-Apr-22 15:10:28

If we're eating at home my husband falls asleep every evening, still sitting at the dining table.
How he doesn't fall off his chair I do not know.
One evening recently he kept dropping his fork, he was nodding off before he'd finished eating.
If other people (family) are eating with us we all just carry on chatting regardless, everyone's used to it.

He's been like it for so long I have given up nagging him about it.

If we're eating out?
He's the life and soul of the party ?

BlueSky Sat 16-Apr-22 13:41:44

Oh no dementia and high blood sugar linked to napping!? I do that regularly in the evenings! Now I’m worried!

Katie59 Sat 16-Apr-22 13:33:42

One of the reasons for sleeping in the evenings is high blood sugar after a meal - borderline Type 2 diabetic, keeping active, going for a walk helps a lot.
As we get older especially if we are over weight it becomes an issue, we both tend to do the same if we have too much food or alcohol, it’s not a problem but I do notice it.

grandtanteJE65 Sat 16-Apr-22 13:24:58

Nana are these new things or has he always done these things?

I have observed that many men are basically bored once they retire and spend far too much time sitting on the sofa watching Netflix or YouTube!

I have started encouraging to the point of nagging my DH to take some b. exercise instead of sitting on his backside all and every day.

It is uphill work, but at least on the days where it doesn't rain (yes, I know they have been in short supply) I get him out on his bike for an hour or so and even to do some shopping whilst out. When it has poured for more than one day, I send him to walk up and down stairs three times without stopping, (Strengthening exercises for his legs)

It is slowly but surely paying off. (And we are still married!)

Is there a health reason for him wanting you to do less? If not, go ahead and invite family and friends as you miss them, and let him like it or lump it.

Could you not have picked up your sister from hospital, instead of asking him. Surely you knew how he would react?

Obviously, there could be other health issues than too little exercise, and sleeping in the daytime, but I found it easier to nag my dearly beloved husband into getting off his backside now and again, than into making an appointment with his GP.

HowVeryDareYou Sat 16-Apr-22 12:19:04

Nana56 Can't you meet up/visit/invite your family without your husband? Are you able to meet friends?

Nana56 Sat 16-Apr-22 11:46:01

Thanks for all your comments. I shall be collecting my sister from hospital. She goes frequently. Last time my husband offered as I have other commitments on the day she's going.
I've re scheduled my commitments I'm not going to ask him again.

Esspee Fri 15-Apr-22 23:22:38

I asked about driving Nana56 as I wondered why you didn’t offer to collect your sister from hospital. Would he not allow you to? Is he stoping you having family get togethers which you would like?
May I say he doesn’t seem to be loving, kind and generous from what you have told us. Quite the opposite.

nadateturbe Fri 15-Apr-22 22:35:47

Your husband sounds very low in energy.
My husband can go to bed in the afternoon and sleep for an hour.
If your husband is sleeping a lot maybe a checkup is needed.

Hetty58 Fri 15-Apr-22 22:22:38

Juliet27, same here, sounds like me. I'm 68 and often take a nap after lunch - but only sleep 4 or 5 hours at night. I think I snore, so wonder if I have sleep apnea. Next time I see the GP (haven't for two years) I'll ask for a monitor. I've never slept much, but feel that the quality of my sleep has declined.

Auntieflo Fri 15-Apr-22 22:22:38

Oh gosh. During the evening DH will watch the news, and I can almost guarantee that in 5 minutes, he will be asleep, but he does sleep well at night.
Apart from that, he is not irritable and will do things if I ask him.
I think he is a keeper after 60 years.

SueDonim Fri 15-Apr-22 22:14:58

Sleep issues such as napping and disturbed night time sleep in older people can be linked to dementia. It might be worth getting it checked out with a health professional.

Oldbat1 Fri 15-Apr-22 21:34:23

Mine seems to sleep easily during the day but then complains what an unsettled and uncomfortable nights sleep he has. We bought a new “Emma” mattress. He also yawns loads.

Redhead56 Fri 15-Apr-22 21:30:52

He sounds easily irritated there maybe an underlying reason. My husband was very irritable about six years ago and sleeping a lot. I suggested he get a well man appointment. He did and was diagnosed borderline diabetic. He had to lose weight. Now he is 71 on a small dose of meds but kept his weight down. He does still sleep but not as irritable as he was. It might be worth your husband getting a check up.