Resting Miserable Face

You should see my latest passport photo! Admittedly that's not helped by not being allowed to wear glasses, so trying to peer at the screen to see where the GO button is, whilst not moving my head out of the sweet spot - but the photo is scaring me!

BeEmerald

Dickens that’s an excellent point you’ve made ! The majority of these comments are made by men towards women. Men aren’t usually the recipients of personal remarks, particularly made by other men - presumably in case it results in fisticuffs

... I think a few have mentioned it!

I remember stepping onto a bus - in the days when we still had bus conductors - and this particular one (male) grinned at me and said "give us a smile then!"

It had been a stressful day. I looked at him for a few seconds and said "why should I smile for you?" and walked to the front of the bus. He was so affronted by my reply that he kept muttering to other passengers (or 'customers' as we're now called) that he was "only trying to be friendly".

I mentioned it later to my then partner and asked him if he thought I'd over-reacted. He was quite thoughtful and said something along the lines that he didn't think I'd lost my sense of proportion because many men seemed to feel that they were owed the attention of women - basically just your common-or-garden, sexism. He thought the proof was that he couldn't imagine a situation where a man would demand that another man "smile" for him.

I have had women say that I look a bit "down in the dumps" occasionally, but that usually stems from concern - and it comes from women I know!

I also had a boss (a temporary boss) who referred to me as a "girl" - or "gal" (he was very upper crust). On the day I left, I reminded him that I was in my late 40s and, in fact, older than him. He had a naturally red complexion - it went purple!

Yes I get it too. “Don’t look so miserable, love. It may never happen”
I got so fed up with these tactless strangers that I started playing the game of embarrassing them in return. Keeping my most miserable face I tell them that my mother/husband/dog/sister has just died. Hopefully they will not make personal comments like that again.

I've got a resting b face. And I really don't give an F.

It has got worse as it's got older but I think my default has always been miserable cow.

Dickens

Just curious how often these kind of comments are aimed at men.

I too have been told to "cheer up, love". But never by women.

Mr A used to get comments too. He has always had a down turned mouth, and only really looks happy when he's laughing. I think in the early years I might even have asked him what was wrong if I thought he didn't look happy. Mainly he got it from middle aged women who invariably thought he should 'cheer up as it may never happen'.

Lizzie44 Marionette lines are the deep creases that run from your nose down to your chin that people get as they get older from losing collagen in their skin - giving you the appearance of a puppet with a move able mouth.

I have marionette lines which have obviously got worse over the years. It’s one thing I’d change about my appearance if I could. I’ve had a lifetime of being told to cheer up. When I’m sad or worried I apparently look furious- even people who know me well have asked what on earth I’m so angry about. I hate it. The worst occasion was some years back someone I worked with sent me a letter(!) a few days after working together, telling me how distressed she was as I obviously had a problem with her as I’d been glaring at her, and why didn’t I tell her what I was so angry about. I was really distraught when I got the letter (always been a wimp), and cried and cried. A more sensible friend was angry on my behalf and told me to forget it as it was the other person who was at fault. But I have never forgotten, and always wish I looked happier as I’m generally fairly easy going and cheerful.

I want a badge, TerriT!! I have an unhappy resting face too!! ?

Yep always had the same comment too when young and older. I also worked out a bit too late that when I feel Im responding witha friendly happy face, Im barely smiling and my eyes aren't involved. Ive had to practise in a mirror what a full on smile feels like and memorise it to recreate it at social events and it has definitely made a difference.

I too have had the "cheer up, it may never happen" remark a lot during my life. I don't have a naturally "smily" face and always look serious. Too late to do anything about it now, but what are "marionette lines"?

Read Spike Milligan's 'Smiling is infectious', any kind of smile helps. Take no notice of comments, stay happy in your own skin.

Please I would love one of those badges

Open eyes wide - you will tend to smile then and soon it becomes a habit when you meet new people.

Not as I've got older but I do remember years ago going through a phase of people saying to me "cheer up, it might never happen"
Infuriated me to the point of replying, "it already has, my parents have been killed in a car crash" (they hadn't, thank goodness) but I was so incensed that a complete stranger could even think of approaching someone and saying it, without knowing anything about their life.
As maturity has descended upon me I def wouldn't give that answer to anyone now, but I don't think it would be said now.

I just wish I looked as happy and content with my life as I feel inside, but I know which is more important!!!

When I was young people often said to me "Cheer up, it might never happen", so I guess I had a naturally sombre expression, even though I've always been a cheerful, happy-go-lucky person. Now that I'm (a lot) older nobody comments on it, so perhaps us oldies are expected to look 'miserable'! Can't say it really bothers me.

Me too, OP. Must say I’ve often wished I had one of those naturally smiley faces - at least partly a question of bone and muscle structure, presumably.

But at least nobody has recently told me to, ‘Cheer up, love, it might never happen!’
(Always a bloke, isn’t it?)

An extreme example, but I still remember the child at dds’ junior school - she was maybe 10 - whose face was invariably set in a sunny beam - even the day after her father had died of a heart attack. ?

Dickens that’s an excellent point you’ve made ! The majority of these comments are made by men towards women. Men aren’t usually the recipients of personal remarks, particularly made by other men - presumably in case it results in fisticuffs

FannyCornforth

I was in a pub one evening 25 years ago this month.

A bloke at the bar said to me,
‘Cheer up love, it might never happen’

I replied that it was my mom’s funeral the following day.

He was absolutely mortified.

And so he should have been.

Do these people never think before they speak?

I know it can be easy to say tactless things without meaning to be unkind. A young woman I know told me that she hates comments about wearing a cardigan on a hot day, and suggestions that she should take it off, as she used to self-harm and has scars on her arms - I had never thought of that. It's much better to assume that adults and older children are capable of speaking up if something is bothering them, and letting them live their lives in their own way, rather than the way we see as 'normal'.

I think the 'cheer up, love' thing is just sexist, though. Thoughtless too, no doubt, but based on the idea that women should make men feel good all the time, and an apparently sad face doesn't lift their spirits, the poor things.

It's rude to comment on someone's appearance especially what you think of their face. To solicit information about a stranger's feelings is also rude.

Indeed Fanny. I've been scared all my life so it must show on my face.

I have been asked many times if I am worried about something, no, not at all, I reply, this is my thinking face!
I have attempted to put on a more relaxed expression but the result is a look of someone gone with the fairies. ?. I give up.

Just curious how often these kind of comments are aimed at men.

I too have been told to "cheer up, love". But never by women.

I'm another one with a permanent 'resting b**ch face'! Comes in handy if you're on public transport and don't want anyone sitting next to you though

I ve been told in the past that I look unhappy. I was determined to try to always have a smile on my face. I consciously made my mouth turn upwards and now I do it without thinking. It’s amazing how people react to you when you smile at them. And the bonus is, I feel happier! ☺️

Germanshepherdsmum

I used to be told I looked either miserable or cross and so much better when I smiled. I know I did. Retirement and the consequent disappearance of so much stress has really changed that. And I have found that wearing a nice (not dark) red lipstick makes me look so much more cheerful.

I’ve noticed that my face is looking so much better a couple of years after stopping work.

Even though it’s been really stressful at home etc; I don’t have the frown lines and the ‘11’ between my eyebrows anymore.

I must have been constantly frowning! Poor kids!

Or it could be the ‘extra pounds’ that has plumped up the wrinkles…