Do birthdays still matter?

I remember organising a big treat for my husband's 60th birthday, and wondering if he'd do the same for mine. Very sadly he died when I was 59, so I'll never know. Spoil yourself, some people just aren't good at planning birthday gifts/surprises.

I think it's nice to show someone that you remember them on a day that's 'theirs'. I am not a card person, but do buy presents, or organise treats for friends and family.

What I don't like is being asked what I want for my birthday. I'm lucky enough not to need anything, so would prefer a surprise. The value doesn't matter - it is genuinely the thought that counts - but there's no thought involved if someone goes online (or to a shop) and just buys off-list.

Surely you must know by now what to expect? Either he’s the type to make an effort or not….. Was it a special birthday?

I can understand that you felt a little disappointed. I don't think birthdays mean as much to men as they do to us, and they can be thoughtless. You deserve a nice new dress, or something, to compensate.

I have told my adult children I do not want any birthday presents, and they aren't getting any either. We will, instead, go for a meal together, or a day out etc. Much more fun.

H1954 If you feel the need to ambush your OH and his credit card then I'd say you dont have a great relationship .Love doesn't equal how much cash he spends on you.Not in my life

I'm not bothered about my birthday I have one every year .

I do buy nice things for my family and friends but I tell them every year NO presents for me,IF they feel they need to buy something ,make a donation to Mary's Meals ,no need to tell me about it as an excuse why you aren't handing me something .I didn't want anything thats why I said it .

Oh dear! No, YANBU and you have every right to feel disappointed after making all that effort for your DH.

Here's a plan, book a table in a nice restaurant, taking him and his credit card shopping a few days before to your favourite shops - think new dress, shoes, perfume etc - and when he asks what it's all about tell him that it is compensation for your disappointingly uneventful birthday recently.

I dont want to sound like a spoilt brat but I do like to celebrate my birthday and the only way to get the message across is to tell them. Please don’t wait until the day to feel let down. In the past I have done exactly the same as you and got up on my birthday to same. Let them know how you feel as not all men are good at these things. A belated happy birthday from me.

No, YANBU but it's obvious that you're the one who makes an effort while others don't bother. This is the trouble with such things, isn't it? At least it wasn't forgotten entirely.

Maybe to him, birthdays do not matter, your gifts to him were surprises he did not ask for nor expect those gifts. If you want to be treated the same tell him.

I am not a birthday person and feel embarrassed when given expensive gifts or a lot of fuss, my daughter loves birthdays so I make sure she gets a fuss made.

We are different, there is no right or wrong.