I would phone age concern and ask for advice on how to proceed etc.
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Couple 'grooming' lonely elderly people.
(140 Posts)My DH has become aware of a couple who are 'grooming' - for want of a better word - elderly people.
The couple were wardens on a warden patrolled small estate.
They have recently have been 'gifted' two bungalows by two elderly people on the estate plus who knows what else.
DH has just heard that the latest elderly person they 'befriended' has just left them a bungalow and a couple of vehicles.
Apparently, they befriend elderly people who have no relatives. They treat them well by taking them out, having them around for meals and generally caring for them. This goes on for a couple of years until the elderly person dies. By this time it appears that they have changed their will in the couple's favour.
I do not know all of the details but my DH and a few other people have seen this happening over the last few years.
My DH is disgusted with this as he thinks it is financial abuse. I agree with him. I am not sure if they have an ulterior motives and they are treating the elderly people kindly. However, my DH says it all just feels a bit off. He says the man in question is not a pleasant person at all.
Should we report this couple or just keep our noses out? After all the elderly people are free to leave their money to whoever they like??
Call the local social services at the council offices and talk about reporting it for SAFEGUARDING. Any one can report a safeguarding issue and the local council have a duty of care to investigate. It’s called financial abuse and might even be considered to be obtaining money by deception.
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I would forget social services who are worse than useless. I would go and find a detective inspector at your local police and tell him what you told us, then keep quiet about it while they investigate it.
If the details are correct it is a safeguarding issue and you need to report it to the local safeguarding authority in your county. You need the correct facts not just gossip though, but if you have that you must report it. Safeguarding issues are everyone’s business
V difficult to know if people are genuine or not. It’s a shame when we can’t trust anyone. Another form of abuse, really, when the person who is genuinely offering help is suspected of not simply a “good person”
However, in this case, please do report it. It sounds as if these people are employed on the complex, so need reporting to their employers, at least. Employees like this should not be allowed to benefit. A small gift, OK, but nothing of monetary value at all.
LizzieDrip. Yes, it is sad that one is suspicious of people offering kindness and support to elderly, lonely people, as Secondwind has experienced. However, PinkCosmos describes the couple as having been ‘gifted’ two bungalows! Despite views to the contrary, I still believe that their actions should be investigated by one of the professional organisations recommended above. Bijou. What a dreadful experience for you.
I would report it as they could be already on record for all you know. I know you can leave your money to whoever you please but if it keeps happening then something is amiss. Your gut is telling you something isn’t right otherwise you wouldn’t have put a post up. At least if you report it you can sleep easily knowing you did your bit. I used to deliver Avon to an old couple after he died she was so loner I ended up just popping round for a brew and her son knew I was visiting after she passed he came to see me she had left me a ring. I told him I couldn’t except it but he said mum wanted you to have it. I was Avon woman for 7yrs but I still went to visit after I stopped doing it. She had being buying talcum power from me just for a reason for me to visit. Old ppl get lonely and ppl will pray on that not everyone is nice out there I’m afraid.
LizzieDrip
I can understand how you feel Secondwind. It would appear from the posts on here that genuine kindness towards an elderly person is viewed with great suspicion today. How sad
No, it's not.
But having witnessed more than one case of such targeting and, luckily having found out that MIL was being targeted by a couple who'd done this already, I am aware that it happens.
I was conned by my own sister. She decided to in order to visit my elderly widowed mother to move nearer to her. Mum said that my sister asked her to sign a document not realising that she was making the property over to my sister and husband. I complained but was assured that when Mum died I would get my share as my father had always wished. But this didn’t happen.
My husband had died and I only had my State pension to live on whereas they were wealthy going on Worldwide cruises etc. I learned later that they had conned his family too out of his family business when his father died.
Thank you, * LizzieDrip*
It’s such a difficult call.
I can understand how you feel Secondwind. It would appear from the posts on here that genuine kindness towards an elderly person is viewed with great suspicion today. How sad
There is something similar happening in my extended family now. It causes a lot of comment and concern as to whether the help these people are giving is for genuine reasons. I know from my own experience that it could well be! Many years ago I lived very close to an elderly couple. Sadly, the wife slowly developed dementia and the husband used to call on me to help, especially in the evenings. I was still nursing then. She sadly ended up in a home and I used to run him there to visit her. They had no family, so after she died, we’d invite him for Christmas lunch, take him out for his birthday, take him to appointments and just generally help him out. Long story short - to my surprise, he left me his house and kindly divided his money amongst neighbours.
Move on a few years. Another neighbour was widowed. It so happened that she was blind. All her family lived away, so I used to take her shopping. She eventually ended up in a nursing home and I used to pop and see her once a week. I’m convinced that her family thought that I was helping her so that I would be ‘remembered’ in her will, because of what happened with the other neighbour. It was years ago now and it still grates and saddens me that they might think this.
For me the issue is the vulnerability of the elderly people. What starts out as apparent kindness could end up as controlling bullying behaviour.
Duress can take place very subtly over a period of time, with the person being influenced not realising what is happening.
This happened with an elderly relative of mine. A middle aged woman who had actually been a family friend, persuaded him to change his will (several houses) and pay school fees for her nephew. I had previously been a major beneficiary in his will and was cut out completely.I didn't challenge it as I could not see any legal grounds, as far as could tell he was still of sound mind, although I suspected early Dementia from certain other signs in behaviour! But still nothing could be done. The main issue was the manipulation if he had left it the the local dogs home of his own free will I would have been happy but this!
Buffy
A friend of ours is in this situation. The police tried to warn him that the man who had befriended him had been in prison for fraud but he wouldn’t listen. He’s lonely and glad of the attention. It’s very sad and he lives too far away for us to help. When we warn him he becomes aggressive.
He has been groomed.
I found this post quite alarming. Lots of posters have suggested reporting it to Council Services/Police/Citizens' Advice and that sounds very wise advice. These people may be entirely innocent but you and your DH have no real way of gauging that. Other services can do checks you cannot. From your post it would seem they have accumulated at least three properties plus other goods/money. If all is above board well and good - no harm done. If not, then other elderly will be safeguarded. My niece worked in the Council Offices overseeing and investigating this type of thing and it is done discreetly. At the very least it will put your mind at rest that you had initiated the checks.
Report!!! Age UK, social services just anyone you can think of. Do your research into who may be able to help. That couple will be millionaires on the back of vulnerable people. Just awful.
Report to the Adult Safeguarding Team of the local council. This is financial abuse/coercive control. If you have concerns ‘Doing nothing is not an option’. If it turns out to be ok, that’s good, but it does need to be reported.
A friend of ours is in this situation. The police tried to warn him that the man who had befriended him had been in prison for fraud but he wouldn’t listen. He’s lonely and glad of the attention. It’s very sad and he lives too far away for us to help. When we warn him he becomes aggressive.
BrightandBreezy
Awful that people working in a protective role might have targeted vulnerable people like this. There surely should be rules whereby people who work with the vulnerable are not allowed to benefit from the whole estates of those they care for. It used to be quite usual for people to leave a small bequest to people when it was felt they had done far more than could be reasonably expected but a whole estate??? I wouldn't think that would be usual without a bit of pressure. My dear old aunt, quite well off, left a small gift of £3000 for her 'dear friend and cleaner who had gone above and beyond in her care'. When my nephew turned up at her door with the cheque and a large bouquet she was absolutely overwhelmed. A truly genuine person who had no expectations whatsoever. I think that is the kind of thing which more often happens when there is no coercion involved.
The interesting phrase in the OP's post is that they WERE wardens .... Sheltered Housing Wardens aren't allowed to take gifts, there will be a policy about that - when I did it, anything worth over £25 had to be reported and a list of gifts given was always written down in a log ....
Far more lucrative to be an 'ex' warden obviously!
Report to safeguarding at Adult SS and the Police
A couple who lived near me, and were disliked because of the callous way they had treated their adopted son, suddenly began helping the lady who owned a farm nearby. She was retired from farming, and becoming rather erratic, and a few neighbours helped her by doing her shopping, taking her to the hairdresser, etc. She only had second cousins, and had always said that her money was going to animal charities.
This couple gradually took over all her errands, edging out the other helpers. When the farm owner died, not long after, they inherited everything. Everyone wondered if there had been some persuasion, but no-one did anything.
The couple pulled down her farmhouse and built a posh house. The man didn't get much benefit, dying only a few years later, and leaving his wife living alone.
The land is in an ideal spot for planning permission to be granted for housing, so it's likely that their children will make an additional fortune when they inherit.
I read in the news, the other day, that a lady had started an 'adopt a grandparent' scheme to put people in touch with lonely pensioners. The idea was that they would start by writing or phoning the elderly person, and see how the relationship developed. She was amazed to receive over 2,000 applicants who wanted to 'adopt'.
Cynical old me couldn't help but wonder how many signed up thinking, "Old, lonely, probably no relations, possibly well-off.......hmmmm!"
Maybe I've just got a nasty mind!
Leaving in wills is gifting regardless and because their position makes it unethical and my understanding from working with elderly it is a breach of trust to accept large gifts in wills or otherwise
They are leaving properties in their wills, not making gifts - and they are the owners of the properties, not acting as attorneys.
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