Adhd

Don’t let the diagnosis define her or it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Our SIL has ADHD he is a very successful, he got a scholarship to an American university, did a masters in the UK and was in team GB, he’s a very happy young man.

I have ADHD, DS has ADD and DGS is awaiting assessment for ADHD. DS is an academic, recognised as a leader in his field and was a listed by Radio 3 as one of the UKs top young intellectuals in 2011, I have had a successful career and DGS is doing very well at school, all, so far, without help

Yes, life will have its difficulties and complexities, but that applies to everyone. if it isn't one thing it is something else.

The main thing to do is treat her as if she was like any other child, but know when to make allowances for her. She will never be able to sit still, so let her wriggle. If she is anything like me she needs to learn to recognise when her tongue is running away with her and she is gabbling away non-stop and to slow down and then stop. It isn't always easy, but bit by bit she will realise what are the patterns of behaviour that cause her most problems and find ways of managing them.

Lots of people achieve career success an can leave successful lives with ADHD. The most important thing is that her family treat her as absolutely normal.

I have taught several students with ADHD diagnoses and they were no different from those without. They learn strategies to deal with it.

It's surprisingly common, particularly the ADD variety, and many people only get diagnosed in adulthood. There is a strong chance that my daughter and I both have it, but neither of us is diagnosed. I can't see the point at my age, and my daughter has professional knowledge of it and has strategies in place, so she isn't planning to get a diagnosis either, at least for now.

What a diagnosis can do is give you permission to be easier on yourself - I was brought up being told I was lazy, disorganised and impulsive, and I've beaten myself up for years. I'm actually none of those things - when my mother last said it, I was running a house, studying full-time, working and volunteering a few nights a week running cubs and beavers. A lazy or disorganised person wouldn't do all those things, but it took me years to realise that. In fact it was when my daughter started to talk about it that we both sat down, looked at the checklists and it clicked.

Your little one will have support, which will be a great help to her. Teachers will be able to help her, and you and her parents can try to be understanding when she leaves everything to the last minute and then runs round like a maniac getting everything done by the deadline (if her condition manifests like mine ).

If she doesn't grow up feeling that she's in the wrong, but instead understands that she does the same things as everyone else, but slightly differently, her self-esteem needn't suffer, (but you could still watch out in case others aren't as nice about it, and reassure her).

The strategies she will need will change over time, and she will get them from the experts, but basically they involve lists and notes and diaries and timelines and anything that helps her to stay on task. Obviously they will be age-appropriate at this stage, but they won't be so different from the norm, (and neither is your granddaughter . Just love her, is my advice. The rest will fall into place.

My 15 year old grandson has autism and ADHD. He struggles with the autism but is quite proud of the latter. The doctor told him to use his boundless energy to his advantage which he does and he doesn’t put on weight as he is always on the go. His lack of concentration was a problem when he was younger but that seems less so now. Just carry on as normal and in time the diagnosis will not seem so formidable.

9 year old grandson with ADHD
We want to get help for him. Excluded from school for 3 days as his behaviour has worsens as he falls more behind. He says he’s ‘no good at learning’. Are filling in forms for EHCP (special needs assessment). He is a very challenging boy, demanding of attention and can’t stick at anything for very long. TV and tablet can be welcome relief for parents. Parents are just coming to terms with having a special needs child. They have a lively lifestyle with two older boys and a somewhat disorganised family style with lack of boundaries. Can’t see this changing significantly. So not ideal but there is a lot of physical activities. Think mum maybe undiagnosed.
We are starting on the journey to get him and the family the support they need so he can grow up well. Practical advise and hints from any grans who have family experience or knowledge would be welcome. I can’t handle him very well and have to admit to dreading looking after him. If I were younger….(78).

As a grandparent, you are the lucky one colournanny in that you don't have to measure her by her academic achievement, nor which career she might have. Let the experts and parents deal with that.

I think I would just be loving and supportive, and try to put the worrying issues to the back of my mind. You sound like you love her to bits.

I totally agree with Sago's initial comment.

How heartwarming to read some of these posts about people overcoming their difficulties and what they have achieved.
When I started teaching, there was little understanding, experise or support for children with ADHD and their families. They were deemed naughty children,
This spurred me on to study for additional qualifications in this area.
Thank goodness things have moved on.

Struthruth
Don’t loose heart. My granddaughter was finally expelled for her behaviour. It was the best thing they could have done.
Fortunately the deputy head knew what a brilliant brain she has.
This teacher knew the school where she would fly. She went to the school and put the whole story to the would be new head.
To cut a long story short, the transformation brings us to tears.

I forgot to put that this school is in the top 10% nationwide.

colournanny I am sorry that you are worried about your granddaughter. I hope that she gets all the support that she needs. I would just say that my nephew has ADHD and has just graduated with a BA(hons). Although it took him a bit extra time he got there. I would say anything is possible and I wish her all the best in whatever she chooses to do.

Oh please please please don’t see this as a negative that will implode on her and it just isn’t a negative The kids I know with autism are bloody brilliant
They are usually very bright, highly intelligent, but often fearful of their differences which can make them seem naughty Fear can play a huge factor
I was talking to the mum of a 7 year old highly intelligent brightest sweetest chap you could ever meet but when he gets overwhelmed he can get disruptive and the teachers restrain him can you imagine a worse way to deal with it He’s then scared and fights back but he has the brain of a 15 year old
Its such a long drawn out process but hopefully he is about to move to a school which will understand and nurture him and recognise the intellect he has for a 7 year old

Scruthruth having direct involvement with ADD or ADHD when you can find the right route it will all fit in The interest, intellect, energy, and bang on courage is fantastic BUT sitting at a desk or computer in a classroom will drive that young chap gaga his mind will be racing at 200 miles an hour about everything around him in his own head he will be seeing things the teachers haven’t even thought of
They are not naughty kids they just aren’t suited to sitting at a desk and being still The gym, exercise, music, running, dancing are all things to encourage, he will find his way despite the lack of teachers understanding and yes it has improved Marydoll but not nearly enough I truly believe teachers should do an extra year on their courses about working with differences

DGS has ADHD. It was undiagnosed until he was in Y9 and had been on the verge of exclusion many times. Yet the teachers knew had had a very good brain. During lockdown, however, he was diligent in sending in coursework and on his return to school worked well and made friends with his teachers! He now has good A-levels and looking to a sporting career in an area in which he excells. I'm sure that the introduction to hard physical activity proved the turning point for him though I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for all those with similar characteristics.

Just a quick point - I know the OP has mentioned ADHD, and obviously comments should be about that, but it's worth pointing out that ADD is similar, but without the H (hyperactivity). Some children will have that variant, and it's worth parents/grandparents knowing more about it.

I have no problem sitting at a computer, whether for work, study or posting on here. I sometimes find I am losing concentration, so play a finding game or similar for a few minutes to refocus, but I don't find study difficult. My biggest issues are with what manifests as procrastination, and with getting deeply focused on something. This makes deadlines tricky, but I always meet them. I just do it last minute, working 24/7 in the last couple of days. If your child is like that, there is no point in nagging them to do Thursday's homework on Monday as they have time - it will probably upset them, and won't make any difference to the outcome. All that will be achieved is that they could end up feeling bad and having the idea that they are lazy or disorganised - and the homework may well suffer as a result. Apparently it's not true procrastination (hard for me to know as I've never had anything to compare against), but more a feeling of being frozen and incapable of making a start until it's absolutely necessary. There is always the black cloud too, as I know a deadline is looming, and I know that I 'should have' done it earlier to prevent the last minute stress, but someone pointing this out is not helping at all - quite the reverse. I know it will get done, whatever they think, and I know it will be done well, just in a slightly different way from how the 'well meaning' types would have done it. I am me, and they are them, however, so it's not about one size fits all. My childhood would have been happier if adults around me had realised this and not tried to change something that couldn't be helped.

The deep focus is less of a problem, but can be annoying when I want to know everything about a topic and let it exclude other things. A child might spend way over homework time on dinosaurs, but not enough on oceans or whatever. Whilst that may even out over time, it's not going to help if they are working to a curriculum. I'm not sure what the answer is if the topics are entirely unconnected, but it's worth being aware. I would also suggest not buying expensive equipment and so on until you are sure that the interest will sustain. I'm not saying that none will - I have interests that I've had for decades - but that they might try many on for size before finding the right one. All children do that, but those with ADD typically get far more involved far more quickly than usual.

Anyway, that's just my perspective, and some of that may not apply to ADHD, but I thought I'd put it out there in case it helps someone.

Both my boys are Neurodivergent. From an early age I taught them to be proud of their differences and not to hide them. Now in their 30's, 1 has a partner and 11 year old Son (who is also Neurodivergent) my other Son is has always been obsessed by computers and games. He left High School with no qualifications. He is now an IT Tech earning £45k.
2 thoughts:
It is the children of the "pushy" parents that get the most help. Sometimes, it can be a full time job to get them the help/equipment that they need.
Find the child's talent and nurture it.

I have ADD (really ADHD without the H). Never been a problem, the sweet nuns told me to be still and concentrate sometimes. Other times they asked me to listen more closely. ADD was not named when I was a child, but the nuns knew well what to do. My brother needed more exercise to be able to work.

It all works out. He's a very successful solicitor (in the USA he was litigation attorney) . I do all the books for my husband's big business, getting ready for the accountant, do the admin and manage his time.

Don't worry, given time and age - she'll be fine.

Your granddaughter has received a diagnosis which means that she and her family will be able to recognise and understand some of the difficulties she has, and will provide strategies for coping with them.
This really is a positive step forward and will make it easier for the school to access support for her.

OP, Perhaps remind her she is clever, must pay attention and concentrate? Mum and sweet nuns were clear - key is paying attention.

My ds was diagnosed in the early 90s school was a trial and a challenge to say the least even family were very unsupportive however he now has a job and a family something I'd never of thought possible at the time life is still very challenging for him but I do think schools and people in general have a lot more understanding now all I would say is just accept how your gd is and celebrate how she is she is lucky to have a gran that wants to help and support

Thanks for wise words and personal stories.
We are now in a bit of a crisis with grandson (9) re admitted to school, but yesterday slapped the headmaster! So excluded again. Family in shock he is not normally a hitting out child. He said that there are a lot of times he wishes he could just rewind the clock so he could do things differently. The headmaster was very angry. We are reeling……

If he were mine, he would write and deliver an apology. His parents would both attend, mildly apologize with him, no excuses.

However, he's nine, they do sometimes hit, I would not make too much more out of it - he can and will learn. Perhaps he needs some skills help?

I've ADD as does my brother - an extraordinarily successful adult - he got in trouble often, apologized with my parents at his side, it all works out.