Grans who had an only child...

As I’ve got older I’ve come to value having my two brothers more and more. I don’t believe only children suffer any detriment as children but they may miss out on relationships with siblings (and nieces and nephews) as adults.

I was adopted as an only child. Never regretted that as was lucky enough to have loving, caring adoptive parents.
I had two cousins I saw regularly so they were like sisters. I never felt lonely.
About 11 years ago I found my ‘real’ siblings, 4 brothers and sisters and a half brother.
I had one child, would have probably had another one but circumstances didn’t allow for that.

O had two older brothers. I got on well with the eldest, 14 years older than me but obviously we had different lives. I never got on with my brother five years older than me as he used to bully me. I was always looking for a friend. I have two married daughters and 5 grandchildren aged 8-27.

It’s so hard. Once I had my son I knew instantly and irrecoverably that I didn’t want him to grow up alone as I did. I was blessed with my beautiful daughter and they are firm friends and busy having babies at the same time! So happy I had two. Best of luck x

I only had one Daughter because of an inherited disease,(Huntingtons Chorea ) being in the family. I was tested later on in life and was fine. My Daughter which I am so pleased has 2 lovely children a boy and a girl. If I had known I was clear of the disease I certainly would have had another child.

If you want another child, go ahead and have one. But only if you know you can love them equally.

I am thankful that I had a younger sister, even although the age gap and our mother's habit of favouring me above her made life difficult for us both, both as children and adults.

During my working life as a teacher, I have taught "only children" children with one brother or sister, and children with more than one sibling.

Sadly, a lot of only children have a hard time learning to share, to show consideration to others, and even to do as they are asked. Many of them suffer as they grow older from their parents' entire interest, love and ambitions on their behalf being concentrated on them alone.

Children with siblings tend as a rule not to have these problems.

Saggi

One of my friends is an only child ….. and she only had the one son ( not by choice) …. I’ve never met two more needy , selfish, expectant people in my life . I like them both …but they have absolutely no idea about how others are feeling and no empathy with anyone! I had my daughter then two miscarriages … but struggled on with twice weekly injections to keep my fourth pregnancy…my son! Never regretted that decision once, And , icing on the cake ….they get on famously! Don’t stick at one …if you can have another. So much company for each other….and when the parents are gone , they will have memories to share with each other. Singles haven’t got that!

Wow, you make it sound like only children are psychopaths! I can assure you most of us are not needy, selfish or lacking in empathy.

I wish I had been an only child. My parents misguidedly thought if anything happend to them I wouldn’t be alone, so had my sister when I was eight. She has fraudulently stolen money my mother left to me.

I was an only child and probably wasn’t aware that I was missing out until I was an adult. I have always been sorry that I don’t have a sibling relationship - ok I know they are not always perfect.
I vowed that I would not have an only child myself. We have 3 boys who all live distantly from each other but still have a close relationship.

I’m an only child my father wanted to be able to give me everything. I had a very happy childhood and didn’t miss having a sibling, however since being an adult it’s now I feel I’d like a sibling.

I’m with several posters here…was an only child of a widowed mother who did remarry …my new dad had two much older boys who became my step brothers but the age gap was just too wide …they seemed like adults to me. I was a quiet and quite lonely little girl and had trouble making friends, much as I wanted to. I’d have loved a brother or sister close in age but as my mother was 40 when I was born and 46 when she remarried, it was never going to happen. I do love my stepbrothers but they were never playmates. I grew up as quite a serious and worrisome person but went on to marry and have five children of my own…now nine grandchildren…and none of the grandchildren are ‘onlys’. Of course it’s personal choice and it’s fair to say that these days there are so many more opportunities for all children to mix and mingle and form friendships even way before school starts. I’ve never ever regretted having my five …yes money has been very tight, but when I see all of the family together on the rare occasions that we can manage that…it warms my heart to see their closeness, despite very different lifestyles…whatever life throws at them, they’ll always have a band of brothers and sister who have their back.

One of my friends is an only child ….. and she only had the one son ( not by choice) …. I’ve never met two more needy , selfish, expectant people in my life . I like them both …but they have absolutely no idea about how others are feeling and no empathy with anyone! I had my daughter then two miscarriages … but struggled on with twice weekly injections to keep my fourth pregnancy…my son! Never regretted that decision once, And , icing on the cake ….they get on famously! Don’t stick at one …if you can have another. So much company for each other….and when the parents are gone , they will have memories to share with each other. Singles haven’t got that!

After fighting with my sister(not seriously)throughout my childhood and knowing my own limitations, we only had one daughter. She was happy on her own, but she grew up to be a confident young woman with lots of friends who now has two boys of her own and understands about the fighting!

I come from a long line of only children on my mothers side and I also have an only child (son) myself. I’ve always thought of it as what you’ve never had you don’t miss kind of scenario. Only have my mum now and when she’s gone I doubt my son will look after me (he rarely visits now though we get on). So I do ponder my future and having absolutely nobody but me

I only have 1 child, my daughter. Even though we planned for more, it never happened. But we love her very much, she had lots of cousins and friends so was never lonely. She went everywhere with us and we never regretted any of it. She has a little boy herself and he is such a precious grandson.

I think the fact of being an only child (as I was) is not the main point: it's what you tell yourself then and now about being one (and how you interpret what others say about it). Rather like the glass half full and half empty. I think in my case it had and has pros and cons like most other things in life.

Warning - may be contentious -
Do you want your genes to pass into the next generation?

We had 2 and long-term fostered 2 - exhausting but worthwhile.

I'm an only, as was my dad. I was determined to have more than one child and, to this day, nearing retirement age, I hate being an only one.

I am an only one and I was lonely as a child. My parents couldn’t have any more children as my father had progressive medical illnesses. I am quite happy in my own company but now I am older I wish I had siblings. Because of my situation, I was determined to have more than one child.

What a lovely post and so helpful.

You didnt exactly upset me, but the words 'did you ever regret your decision' assumed choice. Secondary infertility is really hard and not many people realize how common it used to be (still is?). Thanks for mentioning it though.

Hello I am an only child and i can honestly say that I have never hankered over wanting siblings. It was what it was and instilled in me to paddle my own canoe.

I fly solo ( not literally haha ) and conduct my life solo, meaning I dont need anyone to fight my battles.

Saying alllll that, I have 3 half siblings from birth mother and 3 half siblings from natural father but in all honestly I do not need them in my life, that sounds negative, I dont mean it to, im just meaning that Im happy as I am.

Right, saying THAT, I have 6 grandchildren and its FANNNNNNNTASTIC.

Don't allow regrets to hamper what you have now. X

I think it's a mistake to assume that only children are lonely and often introverted. I found I had to be independent and make my own amusement either alone or with friends. I never had to share books, toys clothing etc so in some ways a privileged childhood. I don't remember being bored, always books to read, bike to go out on etc if I looked at a loose end I was always given a job to do.
My husband has several siblings and they rarely contact each other now.

I’m the youngest of 5, and whilst I adore my siblings I only ever wanted one child. I had virtually no attention from my parents (well very little) they were always busy at work and 2 of my siblings were big attention seekers so demanded as much as they could get from my parents. I learnt early to live without attention…and still do.

Ultimately I was never close to them, still not (my mother passed some years ago) my Dad is still alive but very elderly and we have nothing to talk about…it’s hard.

Anyway, that’s why I only wanted one, so I am close to my son. Conversely I ended up divorced and remarried when my son was 6 and had 3 lovely step children, so I’m pretty sure my son would say he wasn’t lonely.

Exactly GrannySomerset , I was blind to any criticism of playing favourites as he is so helpless next to my capable and independent elder son, I didn’t realise I’d babied the younger into being completely hopeless.
My sons are both very polite and kind to animals so most of the fundamentals are right, I just wish I’d seen the situation from an outsiders eyes at time to avoid some parenting pitfalls we are all easily guilty of.