What's this scheme called please

Barmeyoldbat

It might be what Mr B and I did. First we changed our house deeds to becoming joint tenants. This means we each own a half share of our property and so we can in our wills leave our own share to whoever we want. If one of us went into care then the financial assessment will only take. Into account the 50% share of the house that you own. You don’t save paying all your fees but you do save 50%. We also both made wills leaving our share in Trust, to our son, so it continues should one of us die. See a solicitor who deals with inheritance and trusts. Easy to do and you can continue to live in your house or sell i and say downsize.

In Scotland the house will not have be sold while one half of the couple still lives there. If you sell the house to buy a smaller one then the local authority can claim half of the difference in price that would belongs to the one in a home .

Get him to ask himself next time! Do you have a financial adviser you can ask?

Tenants in common

All families manage in different ways

Somehow, when it came to my mother and MiL we just did it. It wasn't a conscious thing or even an overnight thing. We just found ourselves organising and providing the necessary practical support for them both as required. It wasn't easy. We were both working full time. My sister did a lot for my mum and DH was very involved with his mum's care and financial management.
As I said, we didn't think about it all, just got on with it. It's part of life I suppose. We've made it clear that we don't want to be a burden and any savings we have left must be used for whatever form our care needs might be. If there's anything left when we've gone then the ACs are welcome to it.

I’m not sure why children should be expected to care for their parents. As well as the issues Volver highlighted, what if those parents were not even good parents?

I’m trying to manage my 94yo mother, as well as provide childcare to two small grandchildren, move house, cope with my own medical issues, spend time with my dh and give my other three DC a bit of attention.

I saw the carnage wrought on our lives by my own grandfather and I’m not doing that to my family. I also have two siblings who think because they ring up our mother once every couple of weeks they deserve a ruddy medal.

Thank you for coming back to say that Barmeyoldbat

Yes I agree, sorry, I am from a large family admittedly we do live some distance from each other were able to support each other. I can see the difficulties.

Sometimes it’s more than one person can do.

Anybody who has cared for a relative who has dementia and does unpredictable and alarming things any time of the day or night, needing constant attention knows that there comes a point where you need several people.
Not just one or two trying to cook a meal, keep up with the washing, prevent the wandering, answer the endless questions, stop the self harm, deal with the medication….

Oh the luxury of a couple of hours sleep or being able to go to the toilet without rushing.

I agree that it’s often a question of geography, Doodledog. However some people still seem to assume that many of us still have family living around the corner - I know only one person who does - at nearly 70 she’s never moved from the house she grew up in.

Having moved many times, not out of necessity for the last two moves, my mother in her old age was 20 miles from my brother, 60 miles from me, about 250 miles from one sister, and an 8 hour flight from the other.

I might add that for nearly all of their adult lives, neither of my parents (born 1916 and 1918) lived within any kind of ‘popping in’ distance from their own parents. Neither did 3 out of 4 of my mother’s siblings. (My father was an ‘only’)

So it’s not as if it was a common given with an older generation, either.
By far the most moves in this family were always for work/better opportunities.

Doodledog ??

I started writing that post then went to get some soup before finishing it, so despite the time lapse it was a cross post, but basically backing up what volver said, without having read her post.

Much depends on geography, I think. It's one thing for families to pop in and check on older people when there are a lot of them and they all live nearby, but quite another when there is a 3 hour car drive and it all falls on one or two people.

My MIL is in her late 90s and lives alone. My husband and his sisters make a point of visiting every day, but as there are three of them and we all live in a 20 mile radius it's not an onerous thing at all. Between them they take her shopping, to the hairdresser, for Sunday lunch etc, and see that her grass and hedges are cut, as well as doing errands like collecting her pension. One person doing all this at a distance would be a different ball game.

Why don’t more families care for their aged parents

Well, speaking from experience...

Because I'm an only child. Because I live more than 100 miles from DF. Because there are no close family members within about 100 miles of him, and even the one there is, is already over 80. Because he has a one-bedroom flat. Because the house I live in can't hold any more people. Because he has a medical issue that I am completely unqualified to handle. Because I have a medical issue of my own.

So speaking on behalf of those that can't care for their aged parents, we could really do without the guilt trip, thanks.

Both my parents and my in-laws died quite a few ago. They were all I’ll or had medical conditions but none of them went into a care home, they were all looked after by loving family despite the families working, looking after children, a disabled one in my case and having bush lives. Why don’t more families care for their aged parents

I can only advise from my own experience my dad owned his home. I took out a deferred arrangement with the local authority which meant I could choose his care home but also meant that I benefited from the local authority rates rather than the self funding rates. I did have to contribute a top up. I have to be honest I begrudged the fact my parents had worked and saved for their home and it was spent on care but a civilised society is judged on how it treats the poorest so I should have a word with myself.

Someone earlier mentioned how the Germans managed this problem, below is how the French handle care in old age.

Anyone with elderly parents or grandparents living in France can be subject to demands from French care homes to pay for their upkeep. It relates to the obligation alimentaire laws, under which people are responsible for their descendants or forebears if they are in need.
Just as parents are responsible for the care of their children, adult children are responsible for helping their parents and grandparents
Article 205 of the Code Civil says: “Children owe sustenance to their father and mother, or to other forebears who are in need.”
If these funds are not provided voluntarily then care homes may seek to require a child to pay. If they do not do so, a family affairs judge will be asked to rule on the issue, taking into account the extent of the parent’s need and the ability of the child to provide the funds.
If a parent has been irresponsible with money or failed to work through idleness, the court might not require children to pay, as their need must be “involuntary”.

It also must be said that French people cannot, without a lot of problems, disinherit their children. Moreover your inheritance is yours and does not get put into the marital pot.

Just come across this thread - I’ve been away. Over the years, DH and I paid for all sorts for our DDs and I still try to pay for bits and bobs, as little gifts. However, if I have to go into Care and self fund, they and I are fine about it and if at ‘the end of the day’ they’re left £23K or whatever it is between them, that’s still a tidy sum. I don’t think one’s children should ‘expect’ inheritances.

Sorry my right hand is not working well. I meant to write
Barmeyoldbat.

Barney old at,

No it is not fair at all.

When doing a financial assessment for my daughter who was living in social housing and needed care I was asked to sign a document saying I would make up any shortfall or pay if she didn’t. I refused. My friend was also asked to do the same for her mum who was in a home and she signed, at first she could afford it but charges went up and she couldn’t is this fair>

Bucks

The whole point is ‘jointly owned’ not tenants in common which also would be the case if two unrelated people lived together and not married.

No you can be joint tenants or tenants in common whether you are married or not. It’s just the name of the legal agreement you draw up.

Personally Nanna 58. I think the Government regulations are the ones that will be applied by law. It is there in black and white. It’s not an opinion.

I don’t think so Kate, it is worrying, particularly in these difficult times. I think if you can’t afford to maintain a home you have to sell up or take out equity to fund yourselves, if you own your own home.

The whole point is ‘jointly owned’ not tenants in common which also would be the case if two unrelated people lived together and not married.

GSM was a lawyer I believe Annie1.