New to being a grandparent . Wondering if i am over reacting.

I would be so pleased having one to one with a new grandchild and mummy & daddy must have so much faith in you to have you babysit their precious bundle.

Your Step-Gdaughter will be the centre of attraction as she should be, if baby was there everyone would be "clucking" over baby and the shine taken off the little girl,parents have made a good decision enjoy your time with the new baby

well you should be pleased that they trust you to look after their baby. your husband will be bored at a kiddies party

Oh, don’t be upset. Look on it as deliverance! We just went to our youngest granddaughter’s birthday party last week, came home and both fell asleep with exhaustion. I don’t really know why, just 10 four year olds rushing around for 2 hours. They are entrusting you with a precious little baby- I would be totally flattered.

I’d be please to have the baby for a few hours, grandpa at a 7 yr old girls party, he’s welcome to it unless he’s really into kids.
Other peoples children I like in small doses, it reminds me how lucky I am not to have to look after them now.

I understand the feeling of being miffed by your DH being invited - he should be sharing the childcare duties! An extra pair of hands is invaluable even if you are doing the bulk of the caring. Fetching the nappy bag and changing mat, making lunch and cups of tea, sorting out the straps and folds bits of the strange buggy, accompanying you on walking round and round the park . I would definitely expect him to be with you and not stuck in the corner of a child’s party.

I’d actually be thrilled to look after the baby while everyone else partied!

Perhaps your son wants his father's support when spending time in the ex husbands home?

Perhaps they were worried if both grandparents stayed with the new baby rather than at least one of you going to the party then granddaughter would feel 'replaced' by your new biological grandchild. Most children feel displaced and anxious when a new baby comes along. The fact that you are her step grandparents won't be lost on a 7yo and it might be amplifying the new baby worries for her.

On balance, I’d positively reframe this. Rather than feeling excluded, feel thrilled to be the chosen gran to care for the baby so his big sister can have her special day as centre of attention.
I can understand a 7 year old wanting grandpa at her party but not the pesky baby who everyone coos over

Is your husband the granddaughter's grandfather and are you the step-grandmother?
Perhaps the granddaughter has asked for grandpa to be there?
You get to spend time with the brand new grandson without having to share.
Bonus!

I'd be delighted to have the baby all to myself. Husband would have my blessing to attend the 7 year old's birthday party.

I agree Mama 2020. SimpleSusan , it's wonderful that your DIL has full trust in you. An afternoon with a tiny new GS , rather than being st a 7 yr olds party - know which I would rather do ! Your son and DIL will appreciate having time to devote to their daughter without caring for the baby. Enjoy the afternoon!

I think this has developed almost accidentally as an invite -

the discussion went from our grandson staying with me and grandpa to hey grandpa why don't you come to the party grandma can stay home with baby.

Almost as an afterthought they have said that only you (who is really the person doing the baby-minding after all) need to be at home with the little one and the grandfather can just tag along if he wants to.

I think there's actually not much to this very casual invite. Please don't stress over it. It sounds to me that you have been given the real job and he is - in their mind - clearly superfluous!

That's how I read it.

I can absolutely understand why you’d feel a little hurt but this, but I’m sure they didn’t mean it as a slight. I’d take it as a compliment that you’re the only person they trust to be with their newborn and enjoy the time.

Some GMs on other threads are disappointed and resentful NOT to have 1:1 time with tiny grandchildren. You are trusted and will be appreciated for taking care of the little boy.
Do avoid showing any negative thoughts towards your son and DL, they could be remembered for ever!

Please don't feel upset, SimpleSusan.
You don't say how long your granddaughter has been part of your family, or whether you have been to her previous birthday parties, but I think you just have to trust your daughter-in-law and son to do what is best for her regarding her birthday party at her father's house.

If that means you looking after your baby grandson at your house this year then that's what you do, for your granddaughter's sake.
If your husband is invited to go to the party, then that's what he does.

Just tell them you'll want to see photos and hear all about it later, and remind them to bring you a piece of cake ?
Enjoy your peaceful afternoon ?

I would be miffed too to be missing out on the birthday party if DH was going and if I had been asked to sit at home being the babysitter.

Yes I know what posters are saying about noisy parties etc but children know if you’ve attended or not. I know our grandson often comments how Grandad and I didn’t go to one of his parties that was at a soft play at a local pub. Although we told him it was for him and his friends it obviously struck a nerve with him us not being there.

I deduce, from your OP that you and your husband are still happily married and live together.

If that is the case then I think your DS & DiL's behaviour is totally unacceptable, especially as I deduce that they did not discuss the issue with you before informing of you of the decision.

The solution is simple. Your husband thanks them for the invitation and says that he would prefer to stay home with you, so that he too can have quality time with his grandson.

Done carefully with beaming smiles and lots of nice things being said, and it should not cause offence. Remember to send the little girl a lovely card and present.

I suspect that what your DS & DiL were doing were trying to find a way of showing you and your DGD that you are now all one family, by having one of you at the party and the other with sole charge of the baby. But sometimes these things do not come across as planned - and it is only 2 months since she had the baby, so she probably is still not yet fully operational mentally.

I know which one I'd rather be doing!

Enjoy those baby cuddles! The fact that she trusts you to look after him speaks volumes. Enjoy those snugs.

Well I would be miffed as well, if I’m staying at home babysitting then DH should be as well. It would be different if you had offered.

Hopefully he has been invited so that he can give all of the 7 yr olds piggy back rides.

I don't know why your DH is invited but agree with everyone that 7 year old parties are loud and chaotic! We usually get invited to help ? but I would say after the children are old enough to attend without their parents then they are a complete riot! You are probably better to be with the baby who would probably need taken out for a walk anyway as he is so small. Be proud you are entrusted with him and enjoy x

But her husband should be at home caring for the baby with her why should he get all the birthday cake ?

I agree with Fleur20 You are being entrusted with the care of your grandson, more preferable than a party any day I think. I agree also that it gives your granddaughter a special day without the focus being on the baby.

You all are absolutely correct. I wouldn't have it any other way than for us to watch our grandson . Having him there at the party would take away a little from our granddaughter special day. So I understand that perfectly. It just caught me off guard when the discussion went from our grandson staying with me and grandpa to hey grandpa why don't you come to the party grandma can stay home with baby. I love watching my grandson as often as I can and I am so thankful that my daughter in law trusts me to take care of him. Idk just seemed really weird. Thanks for everyone input.

Children's birthday parties are horrid beyond belief. I'd be pleased to have good reason to stay away. Any reason.

You are being entrusted with a precious vulnerable baby while escaping a rowdy birthday party for 7 year old... where there maywell be tears and tantrums!!
I would embrace the one to one!!
They may be taking the opportunity to reassure the eldest after the arrival of the baby... a new sibling with such a big age gap is quite a lot to accept.