Failure to thrive grandson

Nanny48

Sorry you find me unreasonable but I'm actually a very nice, kind, loving mum to my children and all my grandchildren. I asked for advice which everyone else has kindly given me. There was no need for your reply actually as I'd already received wonderful replies from everyone else.

Indeed.

Nanny48 in no way suggested any unreasonableness. She heard posters concerns for giving unsolicited interfering advice and is taking said advice.

Sorry you find me unreasonable but I'm actually a very nice, kind, loving mum to my children and all my grandchildren. I asked for advice which everyone else has kindly given me. There was no need for your reply actually as I'd already received wonderful replies from everyone else.

Very very unreasonable

1. She is your dil - thread very carefully here
2. She has talked to medical providers and she has it handled
3. You are not her medical provider (even if you have medical background)
4. It is insulting for a mother to be insinuated her breastmilk is not enough and baby needs formula

Please do not do anything at all.

Any overstepping now may mark your relationship with your son, dil and kids forever

You say you are worried that the breast milk might, be the issue but you also say that her milk has been checked so there really is no need to worry.

As others have said, let the professionals and the parents do their job. Step back and enjoy your new grandchild.

I know you are doing out of love and concern but, please, don't voice your concerns. All is under control and your concerns being voiced could cause anxiety and colour your relationship with baby's parents.

Snap 1summer I posted before I saw your post ?.

My granddaughter, who was breastfed, similarly had colic, did not gain weight as she should and dropped to a very low percentile. My daughter refused the HV's advice to supplement with formula and sought advice from a breastfeeding consultant who made various suggestions including the possibility that there was a physical reason for the difficulties. On examination it was established that DGD was tongue tied which hindered her ability to get enough milk. A little snip and the difference was miraculous. She thrived on breast milk and started gaining weight rapidly. Your DGS's situation might be quite different but my daughter was told that a slight tongue tie was quite common and sometimes led to breastfeeding problems.

My DSD had huge problems with breastfeeding, in the end was told to stop having dairy in her diet. The baby was part breastfed and part a prescription formula. The baby is now on solids, but still allergic to dairy and eggs.

Again thank you all. Wonderful hearing these experiences and knowing babies all gained eventually. You really have eased my mind.

My daughter had a lock down baby in 2020, she wanted to breast feed and really struggled. At that time they had no visits from health visitors and nowhere for baby to be weighed. They were concerned that baby wasn’t putting on weight so bought some baby scales. Baby was under weight. After weeks and weeks of struggling and not being able to get medical advise, they on advise of NCT went privately to a clinic that dealt with baby tongue ties, she had one and she had it cut. It was like a miracle, baby started feeding a lot more energetically and put on weight quickly.
I am not suggesting this may be the problem but it is a thought! And I would never have suggested that my daughter bottle fed to top up baby. Its hard sometimes standing back but as they are seeing the health visitor I think you have to.

The Health Visitor is involved and will be very aware of your DGS progress and your DiL's concerns in addition to being up to date with current advice and options available to parents.

Rest assured no Health Visitor wants a baby/mother in their care to end up in a Crisis situation and will therefore be taking action to prevent that.

From what you have said about your DiL having her milk checked and the HV suggesting a change in your Dil's diet it is clear that HV your DiL and your DS are fully aware and taking action.

The action being taken are not the actions you suggest and you may feel therefore that too little or nothing is being done to address your DGS situation.

I can understand how the situation can be a cause of worry for you but in your worry I wonder if you are missing the actions that are being taken to improve your DGS ability to thrive.

Your DS and DiL are the parents in this situation and your repeatedly voicing your concerns, will appear as criticism, it is showing a lack of trust on your part of their abilities.

Repeating your concerns and solutions, when they have clearly informed you that solutions and actions are taking place to ensure your DGS care and well being will not help your present and an ongoing relationship with these parents.

Please find a way to trust your DS, DiL and the HV.

Worry is a difficult things to deal with as is may have a rational basis and irrational basis, sometimes it's difficult to know whats rational and what's not and in the end worry is worry and robs us of some of our peace.

You may find researching the information your DiL is working with helpful as then you will also be informed and up to date with modern thinking of the actions being taken for your DGS well being.

I have to say my DD2 was lactose intolerant from birth, no one knew. We, her and I, struggled with breast feeding, her vomiting and not gaining weight.

We, the HV, GP and breast feeding specialist, tried formula and cows milk. It was only when she was 6 months old that Lactose was suggested as the problem. By then she was starting to wean and once her reliance on milk was reduced she was away and was a very healthy robust child.

She is now 40 so it isn't new and it's not a fad.

Fortunately the understanding Lactose, among other factors affecting babies feeding have come a long way and it is better understood that formula unless very specialised may be the worst thing for a Lactose Allergic/Intolerant baby.

I'm sure and at some level you too are sure that your DS and DiL won't let your DGS fail to thrive without doing everything they can to care for him.

If you can find your trust in your DGS parent to take care of him, even if the care differers from how you would delver his care, then may be your worries will lessen.

This being a GP isn't for the feint hearted :-)

Hang in there, bring your informations and understanding up to date with theirs and then give them praise for the care they are giving your DGS.

Best Wishes to you all for the best possible outcome.

I seem to remember breast fed babies often lose weight at the start.

I do not think you should let yourself worry about this. The HV is on the case, you need to relax and get some sleep!!

Yes she has lots of young mum friends. She's a wonderful mum I don't want to sound like I'm criticising her and I am so aware of not wanting to be 'that mother in law' that it's hard to know when to offer advice. Reading that back I guess I've just realised the answer myself. I guess when she asks for it. I'll zip and support from now on. Thank you.

So tricky isn't it?
I'd keep quiet (and I do, sometimes with gritted teeth)!

Does your dil meet up with other mums?
We have found that general chats at baby groups or with her NCT group are the best way to get concerns opened up and aired, and in my dil's case, ideas suggested through that route are much more easily accepted than from family members.

Thank you everyone. Your comments have made me feel so much better. Thank you.

My son was 8lbs 2 ozs at birth. Unable to breast feed (long story) I bottle fed him. It was a very slow process, took him ages to take a bottle. Consequently he gained weight very slowly, two or three ounces a week, and sometimes no weight gain at all. The health visitor suggested trying soya milk, he disliked it and wouldn't take it.
I weaned him early and he went from strength to strength.
He's now 38, tall strong and healthy.
Your grandson sounds very like my lovely boy. Don't worry!

Just trust the health visitor. She is the professional and will ensure that your Grandson will come to no harm. As a first time mum, I remember all the advice I was given from various people and I found it confusing and questioned my own judgement. I followed my own judgement with my second child and that was much easier. I know you have the best interests at heart but I think the way forward us to support this new mm and leave the decisions to her.

I think if your grandson has been seen by the Health Visitor and she is satisfied then I wouldn’t say anything.

My grandson has severe allergies one of which is to dairy and he had severe stomach pains before they found out what was causing them and my daughter excluded all his allergens from her diet.

The Consultant at the allergy clinic advised her to keep breast feeding for as long as she was able.

My grandson is three now, still has his allergies but is thriving.

Ok thank you. I guess I'm just worried. I don't interfere normally with anything but just wondered if I should speak up on this occasion thats all. But thank you. Taken on board.

My granddaughter had extreme dairy intolerance, Daughter was breast feeding and she had to remove dairy from her diet , and Cabbage !
Whatever Mother eats/drinks , does come through in the breast milk
Child is now 13 ( going on 23 ) and can tolerate some dairy , but knows what to avoid

If she is breast feeding how can the child be exhibiting dairy intolerance?

Our GC have all been quite small, grew very slowly for 2-3 years, finally are quite tall and slim (ages now 40-12). Small, slight people do exist.

I don't believe it's a good idea to tell others how to raise, feed, discipline, dress, fill-in-any-other-action-here. I didn't want to be told how to parent, did you?

The health visitor has visited, agrees with mum, let that be enough.

Leave your son to support his wife, be quiet - or end up on the outs.

Ok thank you so much. That has made me feel better.

Please don’t. She has spoken to her Health Visitor so just leave it.