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My Cousin has died

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Lilliesmum79 Wed 09-Nov-22 21:15:58

My full cousin has died her mum and my mum were sisters. My childhood was terrible I grew up closeted not being allowed to play outside no friends etc I was taken out of schoolim an olny child mum and dad had been married 13 yrs before I arrived. My Mum lost 2 brothers within a month of each other. She was elders of 11. Her nerves were already bad (think this means she was mentally unwell). After that I had horrible childhood my Dad was always at work but him and mum argued alot she stabbed him at one Time. She died when I was 22 of lung cancer I gave up work to look after her. But I've had strange family on both sides its been terrible I've had cousins and Ants and Uncles die and I've only found out after the funeral. Tracey funeral today really upset me. If my husband hadn't looked on a local website run by funeral homes in area I'd never have know. I live in a small town so I've cousins I've no idea who the are and aunts too. Was I wrong not to go today felt very angry all day

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Lilliesmum79 Wed 09-Nov-22 21:29:58

I should have said I didn't go to funeral and now I feel terrible because I didn't go

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Delila Wed 09-Nov-22 23:03:54

So sorry you’ve lost your cousin and sad memories of your past have been triggered. I think it’s quite understandable that you didn’t go to the funeral, you’re remembering her in your own way.

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M0nica Wed 09-Nov-22 23:12:34

When family relationships are strained and conflicted, then a decision to go or not go to a funeral must be entirely personal and whatever decision you make it should be the one you feel most comfortable with.

I think in a case like this where you were neither informed of your cousins death nor told of the funeral. I think you did the right thing by not attending.

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nanna8 Wed 09-Nov-22 23:28:26

Your cousin is in your thoughts and that is all that matters really. Funerals are for the living, not the one who has died. Sometimes you just can’t go to a funeral for many, many different reasons but particularly if you didn’t even know of it.

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Kate1949 Wed 09-Nov-22 23:50:32

Sorry for your loss flowers

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sukie Thu 10-Nov-22 03:05:55

I'm sorry for your loss Lilliesmum79. For the reasons Monica pointed out, I also think you did the right thing in not going. Try not to be hard on yourself.

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dogsmother Thu 10-Nov-22 07:36:16

Ah sorry for you Lilliesmum. I too have masses of cousins so get where you are coming from. One of my parents was one of 11 the other one of 4. Needless to say there are first cousins who I’m on nodding terms with, and some I’d pass in the street without knowing. So I don’t think you should feel bad at all.
It’s impossible unless your parents families stuck together how could you expect to be close. I think you did your share caring about your own mum and dad, it was up to anyone else after that and not to pressure you. You mustn’t feel bad.

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multicolourswapshop Thu 10-Nov-22 07:45:18

lilliesmum so very sorry to hear about your cousin. I know this can be very sad my cousins have been closer to Me than my brothers or sisters, I feel for your loss but as a believer I believe your cousin is now in a happy place. Take care. Keep thinking of your happy memories flowers

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Lilliesmum79 Thu 10-Nov-22 17:17:24

Thank you everyone x

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