When to accept vague offers of help?

Fish&Chips I am afraid I would be busy next time they are looking for a dog-sitter fair weather friend comes to mind here take care

My neighbour of 51 years puts my wheelie bin out every week and brings it back in. She is a kind lady that realised I struggled to pull the full bin up the bank.
My friend used to bring me home cooked meals which were most acceptable and I was very grateful, when you are a full time carer you don't always have the time to prepare food.

That is so sad.

When my DH first got his ongoing medical problems a few people told me to ask if I needed anything, probably knowing I would not ask. Well now none of them come near nor bye.

I have not seen or heard from my immediate neighbour since 12 December. Beforehand he only got in touch when he wanted me to have his dog.

Over Christmas and NY I was in bed for over a week with the 'flu and I worked it out that I never saw, spoke to or heard from anyone for 9 days!

I think most of them were out to get brownie points and had no intention of doing anything to help me.

He might manage to get some sleep later, Cabbie.

You'll have your mobile with you, presumably, so go to the choral society and enjoy this evening, it will do you good.

Thank you for all the encouragement.
DH was not too good today, and I was starting to wonder if I might need to call on help to take me back to the hospital during the night. Who to choose? It is not an easy journey.
Thankfully he has texted me himself just now to say his BP has gone up and he now feels a lot better.
Then I wondered- should I go? Of course I think I ought to, if I get a call, but would it serve a purpose? There is no easy answer to that one.
I am actually planning to go to choral society tonight. It always does me good.

Definitely take up the offers where you can Cabbie as others have said it gives people joy to help where they can. I hope your husband gets well soon.

Another one here 👋 for the 'Yes accept the help group' - for the above reasons.
Thinking of you Cabbie 💐 Those hospital visits can be exhausting.
Hope you find some time for yourself.

dragonfly46

Definitely ask. If I offer to help in any way I mean it - even driving friends to the hospital in the middle of the night!
People love to feel useful at times like these.

Always ask if they have offered help beforehand.It’s true that most people enjoy helping others it gives a happy glow😃
What people shouldn’t do, not you but people generally is to take others for granted and continuously ask for favours, then goodwill wears a bit thin. While you need a bit of help tho then def accept it.Hope your DH is out of hospital soon.

People who actually give help get joy/ pleasure from helping its a two two way street…ask…see their reaction.

Hope your husband gets well soon and take up offers of help. Don't be like me and struggle with things when there are people willing and able to help.

It is always kind for people to offer help but yes sometimes they can be a bit vague. Start of with small things such as picking up a pint of milk or some bread at the supermarket. If that goes well perhaps you may feel brave enough to ask for a lift to hospital or picking up prescriptions. My neighbours were very helpful when Mr J was in hospital for example putting my bins out, getting small items of shopping and generally and genuinely being of help in small ways. Wishing you Husband well soon.

If they’ve offered help , I’d ask them , most people like to be useful . I live in a small road and know most of my neighbours. We help each other out . Taking in parcels, feeding cats etc.
my ndn has a husband with dementia and dh and myself are always offering to help . She’s always been the one to help other people and hates asking for help as she doesn’t want to be a bother .
I just told her ask away .

I am a bit of a hypocrite in this regard! When I make the offer it is 100% genuine and I will always try to help anyone who has need of it however I have the devils own job asking anyone to help me 🙄

Of course ask cabbie if there are small things that would make the day easier. Be specific and approach the most likely person. Most folk really are happy to help.

Our neighbours offered to include us in their online grocery shop at the start of lockdown. I was hesitant to ask because I knew they were helping her parents too.
However, we were unable to get deliveries from any supermarkets, so I asked and they willingly added items to their list.
DS lived a distance away and we weren't supposed to travel far here, but he would try to shop for us too.

If you need them to shop, I'm sure they'd be happy to.

Or a lift somewhere?

Definitely ask. If I offer to help in any way I mean it - even driving friends to the hospital in the middle of the night!
People love to feel useful at times like these.

It’s easy to say “Let me know if there’s anything I can do” but often hard to think of something!
The best friends turn up with a plate of hot food or a casserole or maybe a cake or with a bin bag to take your laundry/ironing away in, or ask for a shopping list and buy everything that day and deliver it back to you.
You could say - if I gave you a list could you do some shopping for me? Could you walk the dog/feed the cat for me?
It’s hard I know, I have been there and struggled through proudly but practical help was always appreciated.

I would say yes indeed ask. I know when I offer to help I really want to be taken up on the offer. Helping someone else helps me too in a number of ways. Ask away you may be doing them a favour.

It can be awkward when well meaning people make kind offers and sometimes we are desperate !

Just before Xmas some neighbours invited me in and said that they'd do anything to help me .

One works full time and his partner has MS though it seems to be in control .

It was a very kind offer , but do I take them up on it ?

My immediate neighbour does shop for me if she goes to a supermarket that I don't normally go to .

Another friend has demonstrated an extraordinary hatred , jealousy and suspicion of her .

It really shook me to the core .

Please ask. They offered kindly, if they can't help at a particular moment they will kindly inform you.

I pray your husband is well soon.

Definitely ask away when you need help. I agree with Kitty, most people like to feel useful.
I will generally offer help in a vague way because I don't want to be pushy or to intrude but am always pleased when my offer is taken up.
Go for it.

You’ll never know unless you try when you have need. When DH died last year, all my neighbours said all the usual things. But they have proved to be as good as their word. At first I refused all offers of gardening, shopping, putting bins out, driving when I couldn’t. I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me, I suppose. Then I got a collective flea in my ear and was told not to be so hard headed because all they wanted to do was help! They know I don’t ask unless I’m desperate and since I had my hip replaced recently there have been times when I have had to ask for help, when I needed a short notice lift to the hospital and it was gladly given, and when I came back from a walk and stupidly dropped my door key on the floor and couldn’t get down to pick it up. Luckily my young neighbour was at home and came and did the honours though I felt very silly asking. The hardest part is always going to be asking.

It's fine to accept vague offers especially from neighbours who can do little practical things like take in a parcel or put the bins out.
Once your OH is out and about again maybe church friends could keep a convenient seat free for him.

I always offer a helping hand if I can and I genuinely mean it so I can only guess that others do too.
It's part of being a community.

Missed not issued!!