Going to be a grandma

You should be having this conversation with your DIL and your Son rather than on here. This is because the dynamics of each family are different. Tell them just what you have said above which sounds an appropriate start to discussion.

Congratulations
I d say just be guided by the new parents and you’re very sensible to know they will (usually) veer towards the daughter in laws family but as long as you understand that I m sure everything will be fine
You say you get on well with your daughter in law and that’s a huge bonus and I m sure they will be fair to you and you ll soon be there holding that little new one
Just be guided by them

Hi Minxie exciting times, congratulations.

I'm also a "2 IC" Granny (not that I'm in charge of anything, but the baby is my son's).

I'd be guided by your daughter in law. It sounds as if you are already aware and sensitive to things. Enjoy your grandchild!

have a quick look over on MN to see what to avoid !

Is this the first grandchild on both sides? If not, find out what the existing grandchildren, who will be cousins to your grandchild, call your DIL's parents and choose something different for yourself. I chose "Gran" as the other grandmother was already "Nanny".
If finances permit, offer to buy a "big" baby item - we bought a next-to-me cot for our first granddaughter and then a toddler bed when the second one came along.
After the birth (we got a phone call at 0300 as she was a week early) ask for photos ASAP and when you can come to visit. We were 90 miles away so turned up with a cottage pie on their second day at home, by invitation. It was much appreciated! We didn't stay over with them, but those newborn cuddles were well worth the 180 mile round trip. After that, we Whatsapped or FaceTimed most days and visited every 3-4 weeks. We must have done something right as we were asked to look after the first child two years later when the second one needed to be induced.
After that, we moved to the same town as our daughter and her family. Girls are now 5 & 3 and I help out with the school/nursery run.

Congratulations you sound like you are already being thoughtful so just be guided by them

Granny23 is spot on.
Congratulations Minxie.

Dilemma Is this the first grandchild on both sides? If not, find out what the existing grandchildren, who will be cousins to your grandchild, call your DIL's parents and choose something different for yourself. I chose "Gran" as the other grandmother was already "Nanny".

You may not want a certain name and would like to select, we did.

If finances permit, offer to buy a "big" baby item - we bought a next-to-me cot for our first granddaughter and then a toddler bed when the second one came along.

Brilliant idea. We, too, purchased the "big" items.

After the birth --- We were 90 miles away so turned up with a cottage pie on their second day at home, by invitation.

By invitation only and for a very short visit.

Lovely thoughts!

You sound very sensible and understanding minxie. I’m sure you’ll know what to do instinctively. My daughter’s M and FIL offered to come round the same day every week and they take care of her baby daughter for a good few hours while she takes some time out for herself….. has a shower, goes shopping, goes for a run etc. it works very well for both sides. I think with in-laws its best to make solid arrangements rather than ‘pop’. I always do that with my DIL. Congratulations by the way!!

I’m the only first time Gma so she is well versed in grandma duties with her other GC and our titles have already been sorted amicably so that’s all good.
I’m so looking forward to it and I want to be as helpful as possible in the first few weeks without feeling I’m in the way.
I’ve read some horror stories on here in the past and wanted to make sure I am doing the right thing.
All good advice from experienced Grans and your own insights are very helpful

*pop in - not explode 🤯 😂

Congrats!

Talk to your son and dil - also keep in mind any ideas brought up now may change in the future

Go with the flow

Congratulations. The hardest thing for me was buttoning my lip and not offering advice.

When each of my sons had their first baby arriving I cooked lots of stewed beef and gravy and froze it in portions. (Check they have room in the freezer first.) They appreciated having something to easily make a meal. They just had to heat it up and do some veg. Someone I know sent new parents, who lived a distance away, a delivery of food from Tesco (other supermarket deliveries are available). Some of it was basics, some treats. The recipients were very grateful and it meant they didn't need to go out shopping for a while. Really a better gift than flowers and balloons.