Have you do you handle a situation like this?

LRavenscroft

A lady at one of my local groups has taken a shine to my company (goodness knows why?!) and she keeps inviting me out for tea. The problem is she is so bossy and organises everything to within an inch of my life even what I say and do. Ever remember the Harry Enfield character 'You don't want to do it that way' . I am trying to off load her and think I will have to take my own advice about my husband wanting to do the weekly shop that day. I feel like a squeezed lemon when I leave her.

That's exactly it Ravenscroft. I could have shut her up with a few choice sentences not swearing and put her in her place but I did not want to do it in front of the others. I think she knew this and was persistent. The others were muttering when she was out of the room and then the grand Mrs Overall entrance with the wobbly tea trolley. I would laugh if someone else told me. I just can't get the message over without being rude.
I really am just going to say no next time and keep away from any coffee mornings where she might be.

Just say no thank you, if they are the type of people you say then they will not care whether you accept the invitation or not.

kircubbin2000

My nice neighbour ,who I havent seen for 9 months, has invited me again for afternoon tea. I feel mortified as this is the 3rd time but my house is too intidy to have het back! Should I just refuse do you think?

I have a friend who never asks me in but I love her company and am always pleased to see her - cake or not

LRavenscroft

A lady at one of my local groups has taken a shine to my company (goodness knows why?!) and she keeps inviting me out for tea. The problem is she is so bossy and organises everything to within an inch of my life even what I say and do. Ever remember the Harry Enfield character 'You don't want to do it that way' . I am trying to off load her and think I will have to take my own advice about my husband wanting to do the weekly shop that day. I feel like a squeezed lemon when I leave her.

unfortunately she'll find another day.. tricky one

A lady at one of my local groups has taken a shine to my company (goodness knows why?!) and she keeps inviting me out for tea. The problem is she is so bossy and organises everything to within an inch of my life even what I say and do. Ever remember the Harry Enfield character 'You don't want to do it that way' . I am trying to off load her and think I will have to take my own advice about my husband wanting to do the weekly shop that day. I feel like a squeezed lemon when I leave her.

kircubbin accept but ask if you can bring a cake to share.
Either that or invite her for tea at a local coffee shop.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My nice neighbour ,who I havent seen for 9 months, has invited me again for afternoon tea. I feel mortified as this is the 3rd time but my house is too intidy to have het back! Should I just refuse do you think?

Tizliz

Makes me think of Mrs Bucket’s neighbour 😁😁

And it sounds as if Mrs Bucket was the hostess 😃

"You remember my sister, Violet, the one with the Mercedes, swimming pool and room for a pony?"

Find some new friends, ones who are actually friendly.

Makes me think of Mrs Bucket’s neighbour 😁😁

I'm afraid it's not worth going for the sake of the cakes. It was a one off but I think it might be trying to set a group up.
Whenever you try to help or be friendly you get six other things to do. DH did not believe me until a few years ago,he nearly got swept into something he did not want to do. He is better than me at saying no.

Just don't go. It sounds like an ordeal. If you're asked say you can't go. You don't have to give an explanation as to why not.

mumofmadboys

Just keep quiet and enjoy the food!!

😃 good idea!

Are these people relatives or friends?
Who would you upset if you declined another invitation?
Do you have to reciprocate the invitation and get out your best china and bake for days?

Is it worth going just for the cakes?

I once used 'Ive really got to go now' gambit and the lady I wanted to get away from questioned me closely as to why, what time my bus was due etc. I just looked at her and walked away. Some people!

A lot depends on context. Is is a group of friends and just that? Is it a semi official/organised group i.e. art/walking or is it someone you have know forever and they are part of your life fabric? I would say to all three keep encounters, conversations to a minimum and if you really can't stand the group then make an excuse not to go i.e. that's when your husband wants to do your weekly shop. I always find that slipping politely out through the side door, so to speak, makes it non confrontational.

I think your husband is right yammy, you need to say no!

Just keep quiet and enjoy the food!!

And to say I have to go at a certain time would really have come in handy.

Thanks for all your help. I feel guilty but do not want to do it as it leads to other things.
I can be positive, even confrontational and argumentative on Gransnet and with relations but find it so hard with semi-strangers face to face or even on the phone. The idea of saying "As I was saying ", is a good one.

As the others say - also, if you do agree to another of these tell the host you have to leave at a specific time. No reason. And STICK TO IT.

Your DH's right Yammy, just say you can't go or help out. You don't have to say why and sometimes it's best not to elaborate.

You don't have to go neither do you have to put up with it. Go if you want to but learn to answer back, interrupt interruptions with, 'As I was saying...' etc.