What am I doing wrong?

dare I say no matter what your DD is having to cope with you deserve some respect yes Shelflife I agree.

Daughter? She probably just wants a roof over her head while she works things out herself, leave her too it, when she wants guidance she will ask

Yes step back and leave her to it. We don't know the background to this story. However Stressdok this is not your fault and dare I say no matter what your DD is having to cope with you deserve some respect.

It sounds like you have been very kind having them live in your home. Now just let them live there in their own way.. your DD must be able to sort out whatever is difficult for her in privacy without any interference. Just step back , be loving to your GC's and try not to take it personally if your DD is irritable...It very probably has nothing to do with you, it is her stuff she is trying to deal with and you must respect that.. then life can become more harmonious

'What am I doing wrong?', you ask - probably nothing much. Why not ask her (when she's in a good mood) why she snaps at you. Personally, I'd take little notice, I'd give her space and get on with my own stuff. It's hard to share a territory when you've been used to your own place.

Oreo

I agree with other people on this.I have one DD who can be much the same, snappy at times.I guess she feels stressed or unhappy about something, it isn’t me so I don’t blame myself.
Just leave her to it.

I agree with Oreo,
Your DD has had to move into your house for some reason maybe she feels guilty that she is bringing her problems to your house.
I have one who can be like that if I message or phone I never know what the response will be , yet she will message and say Chat this afternoon. and gladly talk for two hours +.
Just walk away and ignore her attitude. You probably will never find out unless she opens up. I practise my mothers saying "Let her stew in it".Don't probe and don't placate just ignore. They eventually realise what they have done.
Don't think it is always you who has done something wrong.

There must be a degree of stress for you Stressedok having your D and GC living with you. When she wont speak to you, leave her to it and resist the temptation to ask her why.

If she snaps, could you simply say 'please don't snap at me' and leave it at that? She may not realise that she's doing it so gently pointing it out may help.

I agree with other people on this.I have one DD who can be much the same, snappy at times.I guess she feels stressed or unhappy about something, it isn’t me so I don’t blame myself.
Just leave her to it.

You can try too hard to "fix" things and it can be smothering. Its like picking at a scab. As other posters have advised back off and give space. Do your own thing until she comes around.

It’s probably PMT. Just ignore if you can, it’s her problem and nothing personal.

Please don’t take it personally. DD is going through a tough time but cannot/does not want to burden with her problems. You are really helping her and grandchildren by welcoming them into your home to live with you. As with all mothers we try to fix things but just respect her space as best you can. Enjoy interacting with your grandchildren.

blame is not a useful concept here.
she feels stressed sometimes.
and doesn't want to be interrogated as to why, nor fussed over.
she just wants to be left alone, quietly to her own devices, whether introspective or electronic.
so give her space, as much as poss in same house.

i may be wrong of course, but this how it strikes me.
when feeling stressed, i know i want to be left alone
and having to relate to other people at such times can add to the stress, however well meaning they are.

DH - Dear Heart?
She's upset about something but as others have said, please don't blame yourself.
Sit her down with a nice cup of tea & I hope you can get to the bottom of it.
Menopause, dementia, money, job worries, health? ....

Must be like walking on egg shells and that's really not good for you. You say DH is lovely so whatever the reason for her moods don't assume you are the cause. Think you really need to sit down and have a good chat when she is feeling ok. See if she will open up about what is upsetting her.

I think Stressedok meant her daughter, not husband, when she wrote Dh. The abbreviations can confuse people!

If daughter and children have moved in it's bound to cause some stress in the household. Not sure if there are any easy answers.

Who is she?

What actions occur before "leave it" comment are said?

I have the same problem with Dh, but never mind, let me address the problem.

Some people tend to get snappy for no good reason because they are stressed out for some reason, whether worried by health, money or relationships.

The simplest solution is just not to take these moods etc personally. In fact taking them personally probably makes the situation worse.

When your DH gets moody and sanappy, just leave them to themselves until they get over it. Do not push them or question them. Just quietly go and play with your grandchildren or sit down for a while, or perhaaps make both of you a cup of tea, but go somewhere else to drink yours.

Least said soonest mended.

Dh - she? I don’t understand. Dh = husband.