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Physical romance after bereavement

(11 Posts)
Slug1234 Wed 19-Apr-23 01:02:46

I am a guest here. I am not a gran. Looking to gain insight on what it’s like to accept physical affection from a man friend / man chum / boyfriend after death of a husband. My dad died 6 years ago. My mam is now about 68. She is dating a man 4 months now. It looks serious.lifts to airport. Holidays together in separate hotel rooms. Coffee Meetings every other day. Country Walks. She says she won’t hug or kiss or touch him. she says The idea of it repulses her. They have had a conversation about ‘no touch’ and she says he understands and acquiesces. It is bizarre to me as she was historically very affectionate with my dad. Is all this normal ? Will her heart melt into his arms at some stage? I not met him yet but she seems smitten - physically attracted and tells me about his outfits and what he wore - and he sounds perfect and I so want to see a success of this. Is there sthg helpful I can say to move things along

Whiff Wed 19-Apr-23 05:56:03

Slug I was widowed when I was 45 and my husband was 47. We had been together since I was 16 he was 18. A couple for 29 years and married 22. He was the other half of me. The moment he died I lost half of myself and haven't been whole since. I still wear my wedding ring and go by Mrs . I still love my husband as much today as ever and grieve everyday for him. He was the love of my life and have never wanted to a relationship with another man. I have had offers but no.

The idea of kissing ,holding hands and having sex with other man horrifies me as it would be a betrayal of the love I was given and love I gave my husband.

Until you met and find the other half of yourself and they died you will never understand what your mom is going through every minute of the day. Your mom still loves your dad. Why would you want your mom to betray the love your parents had. Your mom's behaviour is not bizarre as you put it. You need to look at your own expectations. You do not understand how hard it is for your mom and never will until you find the other half of yourself and they die.

You have no right to judge how your mom behaves with this man . They have a friendship which works for both of them. But that's all your mom wants and you should respect her wishes and do not judge.

You do not understand what it's like to lost the love of your life to death. And I hope you never do until you are very old. Because it's a pain that never heals and is with you everyday.

Do not interfer with something that has nothing to do with you. Live your own life and leave you mom to live her own life in her own way.

Cheeseplantmad Wed 19-Apr-23 06:14:16

Your mam obviously only feels friendship for this man , most of us humans would only want to engage in a physical relationship when there is an ‘ attraction’ for that person , otherwise, to hug & kiss someone who you don’t feel that attraction for can be repulsive. I have couple men friends whom I think the world of but no way would I want to hug &kiss them !

BlueBelle Wed 19-Apr-23 06:33:34

You have started two threads almost identical maybe ask for one to be removed
I think it’s your mums business to do what she is comfortable with in any future relationships just leave her to enjoy life in whatever way she sees fit unless she asks your opinion

Katie59 Wed 19-Apr-23 06:58:28

After a bereavement or on the rebound all you can do is be careful, take it slowly, everybody reacts differently. For a few months don’t make any commitments and watch out for those that take advantage of you.

There are no rules

NanaDana Wed 19-Apr-23 07:43:44

Frankly, I'd just be happy that your Mother has found a man-friend with whom she is sharing some pleasant excursions. He also appears content with the way things are, so why worry? As regards how far the relationship is likely to develop in physical terms, that's entirely your Mother's business, and why you should feel that it's somehow OK for you to intervene in order "to move things along", I really don't understand. I think you need to back off.

Iam64 Wed 19-Apr-23 08:28:50

I’m with NansDana, be pleased your mother has a friend. Don’t intervene, it’s not your business what kind of friendship this is

Sago Wed 19-Apr-23 09:27:48

I’m suspicious of this post.

FannyCornforth Wed 19-Apr-23 09:28:57

Me too. I noticed both of them in the early hours.
I’ll report them I think

eazybee Wed 19-Apr-23 09:56:40

Absolutely not your business. At 68 your mother is clear about what she wishes to do at the present time; leave it at that.

pascal30 Wed 19-Apr-23 10:12:05

SLUG How is this anything to do with you?