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Adult son girlfriend

(65 Posts)
Foxygloves Mon 29-May-23 14:20:26

I really wouldn’t worry.
Kids of 20 are forever falling in and out of love! You say “ lucky they have n children yet” - did you mean your son and his girlfriend? I should hope not, it sounds very much like puppy love.
How, out of interest , does she prevent contact other than by text?
It might that he is just infatuated but it could also be a red flag that she is of a controlling nature but he is too young and inexperienced to realise.
What do other people who know her think?

Theexwife Mon 29-May-23 12:04:20

I doubt he has said that his girlfriend has forbidden him to see you.

He has chosen to spend his free time with his girlfriend rather than his family, perfectly understandable.

Be happy that he is happy.

luluaugust Mon 29-May-23 11:28:25

Yes just hang in there, he is probably really enjoying all the one to one attention, do they live together? Two of my GS's at Uni are rarely seen by their parents and same age as him

HeavenLeigh Mon 29-May-23 11:20:23

When you say his girlfriend has stopped him seeing you, how do you know it’s his girlfriend that has stopped him! Maybe like others have said he is enjoying time with his girlfriend, you say you are only allowed to text him , has he actually said this to you. Is he living with his girlfriend and her family? Don’t worry text him every now and then I’m sure he will text back,

M0nica Mon 29-May-23 11:13:57

It's his first girlfriend. The relationship will end and he will return home, hopefullymuch the wiser for having been with a woman who set out to cut him off from his family.

When he does return home, give him a kiss and hug and then no post mortems on the relationship or asking him about it, or criticising her, even in retrospect. If he wants to tell you anything he will.

Smileless2012 Mon 29-May-23 11:09:07

Hello Mumzyto7. I can only reiterate what's already been suggested. Keep sending chatty and newsy texts, keep it light with no pressure for him to contact you and hopefully his desire to see you will override anything else that might be going on.

As Redhead has posted, it shouldn't happen but does seem to be becoming more common. Or maybe we hear it about it more than we used too.

It is very hurtful but all you can do is wait for him to realise that regardless of any other relationships he's involved in, his family are and will always be important flowers.

LRavenscroft Mon 29-May-23 11:01:35

Just keep an eye out that the new girlfriend is not too controlling. Also, keep in touch on main occasions i.e. b'day, holidays, bits of family news, Christmas. He needs to know that you are all still there for him.

JaneJudge Mon 29-May-23 10:57:22

I think bluebelle’s advice is spot on

Step back, be breezy and non confrontational and just text him to discuss the mundane. He’ll soon be home, girlfriend in tow, for Sunday dinner

BlueBelle Mon 29-May-23 10:53:49

Your son is as others have said is trying to please his girlfriend and maybe, I m only saying maybe trying to exert his independence and show he can manage without mum and dad on his tails If you are wise you will accept this keep the lines open with your texts (not too many though) and generally just act as normal

He is the first of 7 children to pull away and it’s absolutely normal and as it should be really The first baby to leave the nest the more fuss you make about it the worse it will be
It happens to all parents, sometimes they are older, sometimes younger The more you push him the further he will go towards his new love Be relaxed and he ll either come back himself or you ll have a easier friendship apart You cannot hang on to sons and daughters ….they leave the nest you being heart broken is only going to make matters worse

Redhead56 Mon 29-May-23 10:42:42

It shouldn't be happening but apparently it's very common. New girlfriends/boyfriends interfering with close family relationships. It sounds like insecurity too me. Stick with what you are doing text your son. The penny should drop with your son and hopefully it will improve your relationship. Try not to dwell on it too much.

Whiff Mon 29-May-23 10:41:40

Mumxyto7 tried to send you a PM but it didn't go through. Have you blocked having PMs ?

Cheeseplantmad Mon 29-May-23 10:24:26

I agree with Grandmabatty he is probably in the throes of love , they will do ANYTHING to keep the other happy . But sooner or later , he will come to his senses and realise that his family are important to him , wether that includes his girlfriend or not.

Keep texting him , tell him all the family news , keep him up to date what’s going on , you can even mention that you & his siblings are missing his visits , but say when he’s ready to call over . At least you can still contact him if only by text , I’m sure it’s just a passing thing and he’ll see sense at some point in time .

Poppyred Mon 29-May-23 10:15:43

What a horrible start to his adult life. Did anything happen between you? Let’s hope he grows a pair soon and stands up for himself.

Good luck.

Grandmabatty Mon 29-May-23 10:11:27

He's in the throes of love and is getting to know another family. She can't stop him seeing you. He has decided to take a step back. Does he keep in touch in other ways? If so, respond cheerfully with chatty family news.

Mumzyto7 Mon 29-May-23 10:07:34

Hi all I am mum to 7 with my son being the oldest he's twenty his girlfriend is 22 she's has stopped our family seeing him we have not seen him since Christmas we are only allowed to tex him he has younger siblings to lucky they have no children yet just looking for advice really how to approach it out hearts are broken any advice what be great as his my first older one with a girlfriend and her family have took him away