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Empty nest for 3rd time

(10 Posts)
notoveryet Fri 02-Jun-23 12:12:09

I seem to have lost myself. My dh died 5 years ago. I do voluntary work, meet friends, have dogs I walk at least twice a day. I was ill for a couple of months last year and just don't seem able to get myself back together. I used to look after my great grandchild until they started school and am not coping well with the missing of them. I committed a minor traffic offence a few months ago and am just too scared to drive now. I'm on anti depressants but I know it's life events that have knocked me and we all have to cope with them
It's helped just to write this so thank you gransnet

loopyloo Fri 02-Jun-23 12:38:56

A lot of us have been there.
Sending you best wishes.
I find little pleasures help
A good coffee, bar of soap or nice shower gel. Going for a walk if mobility allows.
Treat yourself.

sodapop Fri 02-Jun-23 12:43:54

Things conspire against us don't they notoveryet and sometimes it's just too much to cope with. Don't feel that you shouldn't be upset about everything that's happened, you need to grieve still for your husband and it's OK to miss the contact with your great grandchild. Could you have a couple of driving lessons to help your confidence in driving again. This too will pass flowers

Bellanonna Fri 02-Jun-23 12:52:03

sodapop’s suggestion of a couple of confidence-building driving lessons is a good one. I’m sure lots of people have had similar experiences. If you were ill for a couple of months it’s possible that you are still suffering from the aftermath of that.
Maybe meet your friends a little more often and go for walks just to help with your stamina. Keep in touch and let us know how it’s going!

fancythat Fri 02-Jun-23 13:21:13

You are ticking a lot of boxes about trying to help yourself cope.

What are your friends telling you to do?
Rest more?
Take a tonic?
Open up to them more?

notoveryet Fri 02-Jun-23 14:18:34

My friends are sympathetic but have run out of suggestions. I might see if I can get a couple of driving lessons though it's hard to get an instructor where I.am. thank you to those who have replied I really can't walk much more, I have large dogs and do at least 10000 steps a day!

pascal30 Fri 02-Jun-23 14:19:38

You've had a lot of losses to cope with, so I would suggest that you let the anti depressants start to work and really allow yourself to rest and relax.. and notice all the things around you when you go for a walk. called mindful walking it really takes your mind off your worries.. then give yourself little treats maybe a massage, or a special coffee or chocs.. and when you feel a bit better then consider having a driving lesson or driving with a friend. Just build up your recovery bit by bit.. I wish you well

Chardy Fri 02-Jun-23 17:58:00

Imo (and this is what works for me) is you need a reason to get out the house. Is there a local art group you can join (I joined one not having picked up a brush since I was 12 and having no talent), a craft group (beginners, knit n natter?), meet the great grand children after school once or twice a week?
And sort out the driving!

NotSpaghetti Fri 02-Jun-23 18:08:39

You may find a couple of lessons with an instructor is much easier for them to fit in than taking on a genuine "new learner". They really have to commit to that properly whereas a confidence boost may be just "one or two".

Try to find three things a day to be thankful for - as others said , a nice soap, the singing of the birds, or simply being grateful for getting through another tough day.

Baby steps notoveryet...
Thinking of you.
💐

Redhead56 Fri 02-Jun-23 19:05:34

You have my sympathy you are very down because of different circumstances. I am sure a lot of us here share some of your anxieties.
I have had my fair share the last eighteen months our DD was ill out of the blue. It was delayed because of COVID as her illness was not identified she had not seen a doctor. It was very difficult for her but terrible for us as she is not on our doorstep.
I have been quite poorly for over six months and still not got to the bottom of it.
I would say to you do what I have done totally immersed myself in my garden and hobbies. I lost my confidence walking the dog after a nasty incident but after three years I am getting my confidence back. Take your dogs out but take you out on your own too. It will ease your mind get out and about as much as possible and meet people.
The driving will come back it did for me. I missed the independence I had but I admit I only drive where I know from A to B. I hope you can shake the anxiety off the medication will help then you will see you don't need it best wishes.