I posted on here quite a few years ago when my in laws started to change their tune and things escalated to a point where my husband had to talk to them. I can’t find the thread I made, I’m not sure how to search on here, so unfortunately I don’t know how to share my initial story.
I just wanted to share an update! A few years on mind, considering all the lovely advice that we received. I will just gloss over the background as otherwise it will be way too long for readers 
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I met my husband 13 years ago and I genuinely loved and valued my in laws and I thought they saw me as “family” all the same. However when I fell pregnant 5 years ago, they changed, grew distant and some unkind comments were directed towards me (both to my face and behind our backs) as well as a few inappropriate occasions involving alcohol. I grew increasingly anxious whilst pregnant and this over the years has caused a lot of hurt and grief. All of this has been “behind-the-scenes”, we didn’t make a fuss with other family members and I personally stayed silent. My husband raised some issues up once, but as you can image in these sort of situations they didn’t want to admit to any wrong doing or mistreatment (especially towards me). It’s obvious when other family members are around that they are aware. I guess I would call this “reading the room”. They have not said anything unkind towards me in a few years, but they don’t need to. It’s different, it’s uncomfortable and it’s not healthy. I can only compare it to walking into a classroom when your a child and your bully’s are all lining up on the front row seats and your just waiting for that moment that they cause you more damage. I have stayed silent, but as you can image, anxiety is a plague with every visit and sometimes days after visits. I had CBT (therapy) to begin with but I am looking to get prescribed meds for situational anxiety.
The dynamic is toxic and when my husband raised concerns a few years ago, I felt like it made things worse because I guess we whistle-blew what was happening and we have, to an extent, been ostracised out of having a good family relationship because of this. Worse, it’s clear that I am the issue in their eyes, other family members are aware and there is no warm vibes coming from any sides.
As history and life experience have taught us, things like bullying and ostracising and “bad vibes” are very hard to prove, particularly when the older generation control the narrative.
It’s been 5 years and honestly, it still hurts. Grieving a family that you thought were family, or being trapped in a dynamic that is toxic for your health. The whole thing has been pretty heartbreaking and I’m physically and mentally exhausted.
I'm happy to say that I have made boundaries with my husband to try and protect myself. For example, my husband is in charge of staying in touch and arranging visits for them to see the children. I only send pictures.
If there is anything I’ve learnt from this hideous journey is that I owe it it to my husband and children to be happy and live in the moment with them, I know my worth and I have found my tribe. I sometimes still feel that I’m just surviving instead of thriving when it comes to my in laws, but I know that I have value in family that actually want to be family, with me involved🤍
My biggest challenge, which is scary as hell, is doing the right thing, otherwise nothing will change and I’m still trying to figure that out, without it turning into an anxiety tornado. I sincerely hope that things look up in the future, but for now, I’m focusing on my growing family, which is the most important thing in the world.
and good luck.Giving my pots a bit of a boost after the winter
Desperately sad story of the assisted suicide of a grieving mother
