Stressful situations

NanaTuesday,

Are you paying for the hotel or are they expected to be happy with the hotel you've chosen and pay themselves??

I agree with your DH.

If you take it upon yourself to be the event-organiser, you need to be on-board with it and accept that your family are a diverse bunch of individuals who won't all be herded in the direction you want them to be. As you've made all the arrangements, you will be their point of contact.

And, when you booked tickets for the musical concert - did you run it past the invitees first, or did you simply make the bookings and expect them to fall in with the arrangements?

Do you think it's possible that the various members of your family - living as they do in various locations and not being inclined to organise events themselves - would prefer not to have these fixtures planned for them? Maybe the reason they don't organise such occasions is because they all lead busy lives and find it difficult to commit the time and energy?

Lovely as it is for the whole family to get together for a 'bash' I think you've put yourself in the position of someone trying to herd cats...

This is not something any of the others have ever arranged
I think this is your clue they haven’t ever arranged it because they are not so enthusiastic

Are you afraid the family will fall apart if you don’t organise get togethers Nana or are you just a person who loves organising but then find it stressful when everyone isn’t as enthusiastic as you, or do you try to please everyone and end up pleasing no one
For a small garden event it’s sounds a very big affair with hotel rooms on order etc etc you are also annoyed with them asking YOU questions but YOU are the organiser so surely it is up to you to know or find out the answers.

Do you have friends who you could do things with or how about you and your husband doing concerts and things together, why bring the children and siblings in. I presume they are all grown up and flown the nest and they have their own lives to lead perhaps they don’t really want these ‘dos’, but don’t want to offend you
Perhaps once a year would be better

Gosh! It takes all sorts to make a world but I am not one of those sorts who would even think of entertaining. I just don't have the energy or interest, don't particularly like mixing and would probably not go but would let mine host know as soon as the invitation was received, politely though. An American friend I had got so depressed during Covid because she couldn't throw a party and was throw back on her own creative resources - paradise to my ears.

BlueBelle I’m glad that it’s not just me who is left feeling rather exhausted after all that!

This sounds as if you love doing all the organising of these things but then get stressed out when everyone doesn’t have the same input This is not something any of the others have ever arranged
Maybe the enthusiasm for these events is yours only and they go along to keep you happy Are you frightened if you didn’t arrange these ‘dos’ they wouldn’t happen at all ?It makes me feel tired just reading your posts 😂
Why not stop organising, and let your relatives meet if they want to, it all sounds too contrived and too much for you and for them no one wants to upset you but to be honest from what you’ve written they don’t all sound as enthusiastic as you are

Because I can! Fed up with hearing about all this 'disposable income' that everyone 'of a certain age' has. Really? Well good for you. Just want to say, not my experience, any of you remember 'all you need is love?'

I nearly posted about a ‘stressful situation’ the other day - I was helping son in law with 3 young children while dd is away for work.

He had to nip out on the quiet to fetch one of the older ones from an activity - youngest of 3.5 was in the bath, but picked up by some psychic means that he’d gone out without her (she’s extremely attached to him) - got out of the bath and screamed, ‘Daddy, daddy, daddy!’ for at least 15 minutes, refused to be comforted - or to put her pyjamas on - and it was chilly the other night.

Eventually she zonked into sleep on the sofa - I just put a blanket over her - and popped up again barely 5 minutes later, all smiles, ‘I woke up!’
By then Granny had helped herself to a large 🍷.

I agree. Never assume is a good idea always.

Theexwife If making arrangements is stressful or annoying then stop doing it.

Agreed.

Why do you bother? We only arrange for gatherings in our homes. Our children are free to come or not - do as they wish. Perhaps think of them all as adults - let them decide when/if they wish? You do you!

We recently hosted a very large yard party - I never gave a thought to counting who wasn't coming or why. No worries, I had quite plenty enough just working on food, linens, flowers, china .

Same type event planned early autumn - I don't have a care in the world what our invited children, GC, GGC are choosing to do that day.

Did you run it all past them back in October? I would not book anything until I had an agreement that they wanted to come on the dates you gave. Maybe ask them another time what dates suit, as they have work and school commitments

I always end up organising any family gatherings, but I do ask first on the family WhatsApp group which dates are convenient, check the menu is OK, ask about dietary preferences and then ask for definite yes/no and payment a month in advance. Everyone understands and seems to be grateful that someone is willing to do it all. Last month we had 30 of us for a buffet lunch in a conveniently situated pub. Lots of cousins, nephews, nieces, several generations, it was wonderful.

I think it is very good of you to take on the responsibility of setting up these events. It is quite simple for family members to say yes or no. You are not forcing them, just giving an opportunity to get together and, no doubt, those who come will have a great time. Give yourself a Pat on the back for being willing to do this and ignore those who do nothing but criticise.

What a nice mum you are to plan outings and events for your family. Maybe in the future include ALL family members in the consulting/setting up phase - before purchasing tickets, making reservations.

It might have a more satisfactory outcome. Right now, I’d be feeling just like your DS.
USA Gundy

When the GC were small, iI tried to organise a bucket and spat holiday for us all. DD made such a fuss about:- the distance from her house, was there a swimming pool, would there be vegetarian food (self catering), who would be coming... that I gave up.
I have since never tried another, not bothered with anything like that again, which was a shame as the GCs adore each other and are rarely together..

Many large families have a member that arranges events. With my family it was mostly unwanted, the person that enjoyed it most was the one that did the planning, I think she just liked to plan and host events.

If making arrangements is stressful or annoying then stop doing it.

Re the hotel booking, I would have assumed that the person that booked would have all the info.

‘Herding cats’ comes to mind.

I’ve had similar experiences when organising events or attending family dos. It happens as families expand.
I now tell them of our arrangements and leave them to make their own. Don’t lose sleep over it, just leave them to their own decisions.

It all sounds normal to me!
If I want something to happen, I have to arrange it, invite people and invite them to stay with me.
At a DS wedding I booked a local hotel for nieces and nephews to save pressure on my bathroom.
I had a phonecall on the wedding morning to tell me there was no hot water at the hotel so 4 of them came here as well.
What fun it was!

Enjoy your party and hopefully someone else will offer next time.
Ps. The hotel charged half price but we weren't impressed.

I think I would take a step back and let people arrange their own events. I don't mind family organising things, but I prefer to be consulted before final arrangements are made.

what a tolerant family you have...

Quite honestly, I would roll my eyes if any member of my family arranged a get together without consulting me first. You buy tickets/book hotel which they are expected to pay for - and then get cross when anyone doesn’t conform to your wishes!

Unbelievable……

I think they are fortunate having you arranging get togethers expense an all. I can’t arrange stuff like that for my family with shifts work commitments school etc. I don’t even have success booking a home get together so I don’t.
If our DS and DD arrange a little trip together with their children I will happily give them funds to cover it.
Enjoy your time with whoever turns up you have made the effort don’t dwell on it.

You certainly have more energy than I do, but then youre probably younger than I am. It’s going to be wonderful, having all the family together. I hope it all works out, despite the niggles with your son. Good luck and have a lovely day !