I'm feeling somewhat guilty....

A year after my husband died I went.on holiday to York for 4 days. I didn't want to go but he made me promise to go on holiday a year after he died. I had never been on holiday on my own as I had been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 18. Always went with him,family or friends. By then I was 46. I was in a cafe and a man asked me to join him and he would pay for my drink. I politely said no and sat as far away from him as I could. I know this is a different situation but all I could think was why and what did he want. I didn't like him asking . This was in 2005.

I am now 65 and wouldn't let a stranger pay for my shopping or anything. I stopped asking my daughter to pick up any shopping for me as she would never have the money.

If that young man had said he would pay for my shopping I would have said no thank you and wouldn't have let him . Nor would I pay for anything for a stranger. But that's me.

NotAGran55
It’s not the latest thing Pay it forward has been a thing for many years.

Sago

I think in this case it was virtue signalling.
I would feel angry and patronised.

In this instance the term virtual signalling doesn’t have the same meaning. You need an audience to virtual signal
Btw, a very mean comment, obviously the gesture was something that would never cross your mind.

This might be latest ‘thing’. Yesterday on our village Facebook two women posted that this had happened to them in the village shop.
I paid for parking once for a mum with a baby who was struggling at a machine and suggested they pay it forward.

We've done this before it was a "thing" I've paid for a couple of items when someone is waiting behind me and I've a lot of shopping ,its just being kind to get those few thing scanned and let them through .My OH has always carried a can of petrol and passes it to folk who run out at the side of the road ,with instructions to pass it on.Its not difficult to be kind. Its strange to me that someone would take offence at it .
My daughters MIL was quite shocked when she saw her pay for a young mums shopping,the poor girl was trying to control a screaming baby and pack a bag and looked at the end of her tether she accepted the gesture for what is was and said she wold pass it on.MILbristled about giving money to strangers ,my daughter said its how I was raised a wee bit of kindness goes a long way in making life better .After 11 years of marriage MIL accepts we do things differently from her

BlueBelle

1 I am with the OP, I would feel uncomfortable. Howeve kind the gesture and whether he was tryingto impress the assistant or not, there is something patronising and self-regarding about the gesture. paying an old dears bill, poor old thing she probably only has state pension and will be grateful for it

2 *I think in this case it was virtue signalling.
I would feel angry and patronised*

I think both these statements say so much more about the poster than the giver Whatever the reason behind the kindness to receive with dignity and thanks makes everyone’s day.
to analyse it as a negative act is fairly miserable to be honest

If we were all kinder to each other what a better place it would be for everyone
Let’s all make a positive effort to help each other whether rich or poor I would have gone out with a spring in my step and probably a tear prickling my eye and be determined to help someone else

I completely agree BlueBelle, those statements actually made me wonder just how miserable some people appear on MN.
I would have been touched and heartened by such an act f kindness and definitely pay it forward.

I’ve paid for someone’s groceries behind me, (after asking if they’d mind) and left a gift card with the cashier to apply at her discretion. No ulterior motives, just an urge to try and make someone’s day brighter or easier.

Why assume negativity when none was shown?

1 I am with the OP, I would feel uncomfortable. Howeve kind the gesture and whether he was tryingto impress the assistant or not, there is something patronising and self-regarding about the gesture. paying an old dears bill, poor old thing she probably only has state pension and will be grateful for it

2 *I think in this case it was virtue signalling.
I would feel angry and patronised*

I think both these statements say so much more about the poster than the giver Whatever the reason behind the kindness to receive with dignity and thanks makes everyone’s day.
to analyse it as a negative act is fairly miserable to be honest

If we were all kinder to each other what a better place it would be for everyone
Let’s all make a positive effort to help each other whether rich or poor I would have gone out with a spring in my step and probably a tear prickling my eye and be determined to help someone else

I think in this case it was virtue signalling.
I would feel angry and patronised.

I've seen it happen twice, and both times the person paying said, 'just paying it forward', I like it the more that take part the better.

This sometimes happens in supermarkets where I live in South London. As others have said, it’s a gesture of kindness . I would accept it as such and pass it on.

how would you have dealt with this situation?

Say thankyou and pay it forward, chicken 🙂

I had someone pay for my parking a few weeks ago. I had said, "sorry about this I'm just looking for the right coins" as I inspected the contents of my purse.. he said "that's OK, I have lots of coins" and immediately popped the parking charge into the machine!
He wouldn't let me give him my small change and went on his cheery way.

I don't expect, chicken, that your man thought you couldn't pay - certainly I think your shopping items do not scream poverty!
I think he was just having a happy day and wanted to pass that on.

Sometime people just want to share.

MerylStreep

Perhaps he’s an advocate of Pay it forward as I do.

Yes, someone paid for my car park ticket once and I paid it forward.

Perhaps he'd come to have his lottery ticket checked because he had six numbers!!

I think it was a nice gesture and I also think he was hoping to impress the attractive assistant.

I never had much spare money when I was raising my family but am quite comfortably off now and I have often given people a couple of quid when they are short at the till. I also put free stuff outside our house like books, ornaments, unwanted kitchen stuff and it all goes! There were many times in my younger days when I was SO grateful for stuff that others gave me.

Perhaps he’s an advocate of Pay it forward as I do.

this is a well known thing; have you never heard of it before OP ?
it's got nothing to do with making any assessment of you or your age.
it's totally random and anonymous.
please don't take offence.
as you are well off, maybe you can do the same for a few others ?

I can see nothing in that young man’s random act of kindness than simply that. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Personally I think it was a lovely gesture. I've occasionally done this, treating someone to a coffee or similar. It seems to make the person's day. Just a small gesture in what can sometimes be a tough world. The idea came from an American site, I think it was called KindSprings where you do a little act of kindness to a stranger or neighbour not expecting any reward. You could have a small card which said "smile you've been tagged" on the other side it said "Someone reached out to you with an anonymous act of kindness. Now it's your chance to do the same. Do something nice for someone, leave this card behind and keep the spirit going".
As Gandhi said " The fragrance always remains on the hand that gives the rose.

I would have been uncomfortable and wondered why inside too, chicken, but hope I could have smiled and thank you. yes probably his actions was partly to impress

but as I write I think how sad it is that I would feel uncomfortable at what is act of kindness and "what have I come to"

I would've done same with paying ice cream I think without second thought.

I would have accepted graciously - he may well have been trying to impress the assistant but need not have gone so far.

Pay the favour forward, there can never be too much kindness in the world.

I would have accepted graciously but....wish it hadn't happened.

Our Ukrainian mum and her two children were waiting in an ice cream queue. My DH and I chatted to someone we knew ahead of them in the queue. We went off home and when our Ukrainian mum went to pay she was told the ice creams were already paid for by this guy we know from U3A. Such kindnesses do warm your heart.

I think you are reading too much into it,you just encountered a very kind young man..🤓