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It’s an awkward one

(44 Posts)
Victoriaplum Sun 13-Aug-23 23:17:15

Erm.. it’s a bit awkward, but how do I broach the subject with my elderly mum about her chin hairs. She seems oblivious about it- I know it comes across as shallow, but I can’t help but feel embarrassed about it as they’re very obvious. We have an ok relationship but never discuss any personal matters with one another. How would you want to be told you have noticeable facial hair? or wouldn’t you!
Any advice welcome.

Ali08 Fri 18-Aug-23 10:39:48

My lot would definitely tell me. Either that or just come up to me and yank them out!
I told them recently that I keep finding just one randomly white eyelash on the top lid of my left eye. It's quite a task getting it pulled out as I invariably get the ones next to it first! My poor daughter seemed a bit horrified about it - well, she's not getting any younger now, is she?! 🤣🤣

Primrose53 Thu 17-Aug-23 08:58:08

Even in her 90s my Mum was very particular about her appearance and used to get me to pluck any stray hairs from her face. She never had those short bristly ones but the odd long, floaty ones that seem to appear overnight as someone else said.

Wyllow3 Wed 16-Aug-23 23:36:12

Good luck with the facial if she likes to look nice then it might be a "goer".

Wyllow3 Wed 16-Aug-23 23:35:06

I'd like it to be taken care of.

But I didn't mention it to my mum, none of us lived anywhere near to follow up and it probably would have upset deeply.

Victoriaplum Wed 16-Aug-23 23:09:01

Thanks for all the opinions and advice. It does appear that most of you would want to be told.
My mum still makes an effort in her appearance in many ways e.g dresses nicely, jewellery etc.. but when it comes to fine detail she doesn’t notice, which I’m putting down to poor eye sight . She’s very stubborn when it comes to wearing her specs, despite it being a big problem.
So far I have tried subtle hints such as doing my own plucking of facial hair in front of her, but alas it hasn’t worked. Maybe she just doesn’t really care.
Maybe I’m just particularly sensitive to it, as I hate anything that draws attention to me. And as a pp mentioned, I believe there are very few people out there who truly do not care about their appearance.
I think my next move will be to purchase a magnifying mirror to casually leave lying around, and I like the idea of booking a facial treatment. I’ll keep you posted!

midgey Tue 15-Aug-23 11:10:49

I have to say….What the eye don’t see the heart won’t grieve over!

pascal30 Tue 15-Aug-23 11:10:26

why don't you google a mobile beautician and treat both of you to a home facial..

Callistemon21 Tue 15-Aug-23 11:03:04

😁
🐱🐐🐰🐹

I'm off to find the tweezers!

henetha Tue 15-Aug-23 10:47:57

grin Baggs

Baggs Tue 15-Aug-23 10:43:18

Other female mammals have whiskers and nobody minds 🤷🏻‍♀️

annodomini Tue 15-Aug-23 09:42:14

I have a little shaver gadget - recommended long ago on Gransnet. I use a magnifying mirror to look for stray whiskers when are ruthlessly expunged. If one escaped my notice, one of my sons or my DGD would point it out and why should I complain about that? They care about me. You don't say how old your mum is, VP. I'm 82 and still care about chin hairs. Maybe you could use a little chin shaver yourself and tell her about it.

Smileless2012 Tue 15-Aug-23 09:00:33

As you never discuss personal matters with your mum Victoriaplum, my advice is to say nothing as your mum's appearance is a very personal issue

seadragon Tue 15-Aug-23 08:48:00

I have long single hairs around my face that seem to re grow overnight. I don't really care about them though I do have a go with the scissors or tweezers if I am going somewhere special. I did see someone about electrolysis once but she said she couldn't touch the worst ones - growing out of various moles - and wasn't interested in the others..... If someone mentioned them to me I would just take it as concern...but really it's not an issue for me...BTW I have seen our GP who specializes in warts and moles and he's not bothered either....!

Esmay Tue 15-Aug-23 08:31:43

Really awkward .

In the past , I've wondered how to tell an aunt that she ponged or would look better if her stray hairs were removed .

My children solved the problem with their loud observations .

I think that it's okay to tell a mother very gently .

PoppyFlower Tue 15-Aug-23 07:43:42

Hi, in my case then trying to make a joke of it. Making light of things.

Grannynannywanny Tue 15-Aug-23 07:38:19

Maybe you could bring up in conversation that lately you find it difficult to remove your own chin hairs without the aid of a magnifying mirror. She might just volunteer then that she can’t see hers and you could offer to get plucking.

Grammaretto Tue 15-Aug-23 07:21:35

Mutual grooming is important. It shows you care about her. My sis and I would make sure DM looked her best. We clipped her nails and removed stray whiskers.
If you want to know what happens if you don't remove unwanted chin hair, Google bearded lady. I knew a woman who let her hair grow and had a thick beard. I don't think that's common but after menopause, the female hormones are depleted. i think

Wenmore Tue 15-Aug-23 00:25:49

Ask her 'if you had excessive facial hair would you want to be told?'
That should get you the answer.

Callistemon21 Mon 14-Aug-23 23:00:36

It's a dread but I suppose if I can't deal with them then I won't be in a fit state to worry about them.
I did make DIL promise to sort me out if I can't tweezer them myself.

There is a jolly notice in our local hospital: Facial hair grows faster than any other hair on the body.
That cheered me up no end

I really would want to be told.

Sielha Mon 14-Aug-23 22:52:18

Do you think it would bother her to know she had them? If so, then yes, tell her. If you don’t think that, then leave it.

Dottydots Mon 14-Aug-23 10:40:34

My man friend had awful nose hair and hairy ears. Every suggestion I made to trim them for him was rebuffed. He recently changed barbers and the new chap now, after cutting my friend's hair, whizzes away all the hairs in his ears and nose. Wonderful!

Squiffy Mon 14-Aug-23 10:31:13

Victoriaplum Is it something that would bother your mother if she knew it was there? Did she remove hairs when she would have been able to deal with them or is it a new phenomenon?

Blondiescot Mon 14-Aug-23 10:01:56

To the OP, I would definitely want to know - in as tactful a way as possible, please. I'm far from vain (don't wear make-up etc) but I am paranoid about my chin hairs and definitely don't want to become that 'hairy old lady', so I get mine threaded regularly and tweeze the awkward little ones in between times. I am very fair, but do get some very dark chin hairs and also very wiry pure white ones. Oh, the joys of getting older!

Nannynoodles Mon 14-Aug-23 09:57:32

Ooh yes definitely tell her and help her deal with it.
I have already told my daughters in law that if they leave me sitting in a chair in a nursing home with a hairy chin, chipped nails and smelly, I will come back and haunt them!!
Lucky we all get on really, really well and they know it’s no good telling my sons because they probably wouldn’t notice anyway!

henetha Mon 14-Aug-23 09:49:24

I've wondered too, MiniMoon, how I would look by now if I hadn't bothered removing them all these years.
I would definitely want to be told. I think my sons might find it difficult, but one of my three granddaughters would probably mention it, hopefully, and help me.