Worried for 8 year old granddaughter

Thanks everyone for your advice. I know eventually the loving happy child will emerge from all of this. I’ll just keep telling her that me and grandad love her and go through the process.

This might help. soyarsmorganlaw.com/5-stages-of-grief-your-children-experience-during-and-after-your-divorce
.Grieving is a process and they will get through it, but it can take time and it can be very difficult.

Yes, I am going through exactly the same with my seven year old granddaughter. In fact I could have written the original post. It's very difficult as I have looked after her full time during the school holidays. It hasn't been pleasant as all her emotions have been taken out on me.

I agree with the others. She is rude to you because she feels secure enough with you to be like that. Possibly she can’t be rude to her mother and boyfriend because she gets punished or told off, I don’t know. Spoil her a bit and let her know you are always there for her. It is so hard for the young ones and sometimes their parents just don’t ‘get’ it.

are you in Scotland, OP ?

I can’t say it better than Glorrianny. She’s given the advice I would give.

Eight months is a very short time since the split for both parents to have met someone new.
So much upheaval in this poor little girl’s life - first her mum and dad separate then there are two new important people in their lives.

Has the mother’s new boyfriend moved in ?

Philippa111

I feel for you. It's heartbreaking.

Just keep telling your granddaughter that you love her, say it lots.... and she doesn't need to cuddle and kiss and you will still love her. Say you can see that she's not very happy today.

Explain that adults sometime just can't be together and that it's not her fault and that they both still love her very much.

Let her watch junk TV at your house and sit beside her or at least in the same room, as a loving presence even though she displays no desire to connect. Give her treats even if she refuses them. You could have a baking project all set up and if she says she doesn't want to do it just you start and she may well come and join you.

She needs to feel loved and your stability and constant reassurance will help her

As so many relationships end in divorce these days there are thousands of children going through the same thing.. living in two homes and being disrupted. It's tough for them.

There are some excellent books for children about divorce and separating parents.It might be an idea to get these books and sit and go through them with her. It mentions new partners etc...

Excellent advice!

Poor child.
Sad that her parents have split up, but worse to have new partners within five months, giving the children no time to adjust to a huge change in their lives.
School is a constant in their lives and you will be too; don't talk too much about mummy and daddy unless she raises the subject; if she does listen hard but avoid commenting too much. Try to keep everything as normal and undemanding and unchanged as possible and ignore the fact she isn't being very nice; she is pushing you to see if you will change, and venting her disquiet and anxiety on you. She is uneasy about leaving home and returning because she doesn't know what she will find whereas school is predictable.
Don't criticise her parents in any way and remain neutral about the new partners.
The effect of divorce on children is covered up and so many parents claim they aren't affected at all, because they don't want their exciting new lives spoilt, but things do settle down eventually.

Difficult times
I think she’s testing you to see if you leave as well
Find some fun things todo when you meet her out of school even a little walk and an ice cream play games with her when you get home or take her somewhere for a treat and ignore totally any harsh things she says It ll pass

It’s the ‘dad comes home in a mood and bad mouths mum, mum shouts at the kids, and the kids kick the dog scenario

She’s punishing you for what’s gone on in her life that she’s completely unable to have any control over

I am so sorry for her and for you. What a difficult time for her. The suggestion of a worry bear or the Mood Bear shown on Dragons Den is a brilliant idea. Maybe to keep at your house or buy 2 one for your house and one for her house.

As PP have said you are the constant in her life. As is School. So keep calm and unchanging. And saying she is the high spot of your day and you love her is helpful. Personally I wouldnt talk too much about mum and dad unless she brings them up.

What a sad time for you seeing her sad.

You know the old saying , " you hurt the ones you love" that's exactly what she is doing to you, she is trying to punish you for the upset the.parents have caused her. As others have said reiterate how much you love her and say seeing her is the highlight of your day, make her feel special and wanted. I wonder if giving her a something called a Worry Bear ( Google them) they can give children something to talk their worries too.
There are loads of different ones on Esty.

Support the kids and son through this

Please respect bodily autonomy- if she doesnt want to kiss or hug you, please dont force it

There is a massive misconception that children can go through a divorce without any suffering. A lot can't.
Your GD is grieving. Her world has been shattered and the two people she most loves in the world will never again be together for her. She will experience exactly the same emotions as anyone who has lost someone. All you can do is keep reassuring her. She may believe the split is her fault, many children do. Keep explaining that mummy and daddy don't want to live together but they still love her and the split is nothing to do with her.
I think she wanted to go back to school because school is a constant in her life, unlike her home life. If you can establish a routine for the time she is with you that might help. Just keep talking to her even if she doesn't answer. Cuddle her when she is willing and let it go when she isn't. She is only rude to you because she trusts you, it may be upsetting but it means she thinks you are reliable even if others aren't. She knows you will care for her.
She will come through it but it won't be easy.

I feel for you. It's heartbreaking.

Just keep telling your granddaughter that you love her, say it lots.... and she doesn't need to cuddle and kiss and you will still love her. Say you can see that she's not very happy today.

Explain that adults sometime just can't be together and that it's not her fault and that they both still love her very much.

Let her watch junk TV at your house and sit beside her or at least in the same room, as a loving presence even though she displays no desire to connect. Give her treats even if she refuses them. You could have a baking project all set up and if she says she doesn't want to do it just you start and she may well come and join you.

She needs to feel loved and your stability and constant reassurance will help her

As so many relationships end in divorce these days there are thousands of children going through the same thing.. living in two homes and being disrupted. It's tough for them.

There are some excellent books for children about divorce and separating parents.It might be an idea to get these books and sit and go through them with her. It mentions new partners etc...