Funeral plans..

4allweknow

Can't think where you can have a cremation other than a crematorium. Usually the ashes can be collected and saved or scattered by whoever is appointed responsibility, usually the family. You can have a simple service or none at all, anywhere, eg hotel lounge, undertaker's parlour. With or without coffin present, then coffin taken for cremation usually by undertaker. No need for big ceremonies if not your wish.

Well, I know this is a serious subject but have you watched the film "What We Did On Our Holiday"?

DeeJaysMum

Yes, I 'DID' arrange a pre-paid funeral plan, but the company I did it with went bust a few years ago and I'm waiting to get my 2p in the £ back from them.
It's disgusting that they can do this to us and get away with it, when we've paid out £thousands.
I'm now having to go to another company and start again from scratch.

Would it be better to put money into a monthly savings account which offers a good rate of interest. You could state in your will or a codocil that this is what it is for.

My husband passed away last year and I had a direct cremation with no service or attendees. My DS knows that this is what I want for me too and then I want both of our ashes to be spread or buried together somewhere but haven't yet made any enquiries or had any thoughts about the location.

Can't think where you can have a cremation other than a crematorium. Usually the ashes can be collected and saved or scattered by whoever is appointed responsibility, usually the family. You can have a simple service or none at all, anywhere, eg hotel lounge, undertaker's parlour. With or without coffin present, then coffin taken for cremation usually by undertaker. No need for big ceremonies if not your wish.

Yes, I 'DID' arrange a pre-paid funeral plan, but the company I did it with went bust a few years ago and I'm waiting to get my 2p in the £ back from them.
It's disgusting that they can do this to us and get away with it, when we've paid out £thousands.
I'm now having to go to another company and start again from scratch.

Look through the thread for the sensible advice from Celieanne86, a former funeral director! Also the comment which states that ashes DO NOT 'biodegrade', so before you go spreading them at some beauty spot, have a rethink?!

Years ago I went to a service which I think was called 'Humanist' - for someone that wasn't religious, and though they'd died at a sadly young age they'd left suitable instructions.

We have written our wills and included funeral instructions. Having cremation only as neither of our families

I’m 63 and terminally ill with an incurable cancer so funerals are on my mind. Whatever my husband and children want is okay with me. I do however want a Whicker coffin and a couple of my favourite songs played. I’m not religious and just want my family to say something if that’s what they want.

OP - Your ashes can go just about anywhere, with permission if needed.

My FinL has stated no service, no attendees, just collect the ashes afterwards, no celebration of life or memorial service either. I'm dreading it, but it is his wish. He has from a young age not believed in religion, despite playing a church organ for services for years, and has no intention (in his mind) of being a hypocrite in death. I think it will be very lonely for us - but I guess that isn't the point.

A friend of mine took his mum & dads ashes combined to scatter in a hill top beauty spot they had often visited in their walking days as they’d requested. The climb up to the spot took him ages (he is not as fit as he was) when he scattered them a sudden gust of wind blew them straight back in his face. He said he won’t be returning to the spot.

I have occasionally come across scattered ashes whilst out walking, on cliff tops etc and it’s not pleasant. It’s a personal choice but like Karmalady my ashes will be buried properly with my DH.

As a retired funeral director may I give some advice. If you are certain of your own wishes for your funeral please don’t rely on your family carrying them out for you, believe me I have seen the results of this many many times, family members falling out, children going against living parent who probably knew the deceased wishes and all in all the funeral becomes what they want not what the deceased person wished. There are a couple of ways you can make sure you have the funeral you want. If you have made a will you can include everything you want this is one way no one can disagree as it is legally binding the other way which personally I think is better is to choose a local funeral home, preferably a family run one and make an appointment with the funeral director. You will find they will help and advise you as to not only what you can have but also how much it will cost. Remember funeral expenses have risen over the past few years, the cost of opening a family grave is now more than double what it was before Covid. A simple funeral which includes cremation is of course the least expensive but as an example my own sisters funeral this year cost nearly £10,000 this included a full catholic funeral requiem mass, 4 limos, the opening of my parents grave for her internment and a wake at a local hotel for 150 people and this was all her own wishes which she had left with the funeral director. You can pay for your funeral if you wish when you talk to a funeral director and this does not go into their pockets as many people think it goes to an insurance company and you receive a receipt and full details from them. I have left all my wishes with my daughter who runs the funeral home now it is in my personal file and I can change it at any time I have also bought a grave in a private cemetery. I only want a simple catholic funeral and as yet I haven't paid for it but it’s on my to do list as soon as possible. I hope this has gone to help in some ways remember unless you have written it down you don’t get the funeral you want you get what others decide.

Part of me wants a Pure Cremation, as I don't want much money spent in disposing of my body. I know that cremation is not good for the environment, though.

I looked into giving my body to science, but the cost of getting the body to the place where this could happen is prohibitive.

There is a beautiful woodland burial place nearby where my body could slowly rot in the earth and give back a little fertility to the earth. But this also is incredibly expensive, and I would rather the money was spent on the living!

We are not religious, so I hope that if they want to, my children, grandchildren and any other family could get together if they want to, and also my friends could maybe play a tune and do a dance in my memory, but again, only if they want to. I just don't want ANY money wasted on things they might feel are a duty.

I remember my brother's funeral with sadness as he was an atheist, but because of the suddenness of his death, none of us knew what to do, so there was a religious funeral, with an address by a cleric which was nothing to do with my brother. He would have hated it. It was very expensive, and he would have much preferred that money to have gone to help a donkey sanctuary or Amnesty International.

So... Pure Cremation; cheap, direct, but not good for the environment? Natural Burial with its huge cost but better for the environment? Instinctively I would like to be wrapped in a hemp fabric fabric, and to be buried without fuss in a random field!

My husbands ashes are buried by the roots of his memorial oak tree, The tree is eight years old now and is growing into a fine specimen in the new little wood. That is were my ashes will go too, buried as they should be and with full permission

I have pre paid for my cremation. I hate the thought of being buried.. other than that.. it is just a bit of joke, saying what music I would like played.. I will be dead after all... well I hope so!

My MiL planned and paid for her funeral more than 20 years before she finally passed away.
She was always convinced she would last long after FiL passed away, she lived another 30 years into her mid 90's.
When the time came her funeral plan was actioned, the funeral directors commented the pre paid plan would now be about 4 times the cost today.
She would have been happy with that news.

Last trip to Harrogate crem for me. It's relatively easy for family and friends to get to. Youngest son knows where to scatter my ashes, if he's remembered. That's if I haven't taken my last trip to Switzerland ......

Two members of our family have died recently and they have not had funerals at all because that was what they wanted.

Spreading ashes is not like spreading soil or coal ashes. Cremated remains of a human are not biodegradable.The ashes remain on the grounds surface. Is that where you want to be left?

Have left written funeral instructions and have discussed them with DH and DDs. I trust them to abide by them. No religion, no service, no music, no congregation, no celebrant reading from a script - just the three of them to accompany me to the crematorium. I have specified the crematorium as it is in a beautiful location and is in close proximity to some nice restaurants where they can go to dine afterwards, raise a glass and share some memories. I't may not happen that way but it gives me peace of mind to have "a plan".

I organised my funeral plans in my early 40's, all my family know I want a natural burial in woodland. Trying to arrange funerals while grieving is a nightmare, save your family the stress and hassle do it yourself now, so all they have to do is read your wishes and it is done

Our son died intestate suddenly and unexpectedly two years ago. Organising his funeral was a nightmare as his 17 year-old son was in a state of complete shock. We did our best, but it would have been helpful to have had an idea of what he would have wanted. I don't think my other children have made plans...

When my DH died 10 months later, he had planned everything, sorted everything out, made a new Will, etc., which made life a great deal easier for me.

What we did in both cases was to have the committal and service first, then the coffin went alone to the crematorium. None of us wanted this horrible curtain closing thing. Their ashes were later buried in a churchyard where they had both worshipped, DH's in the same place as DS's.

Do plan ahead.

A church service followed by a cremation and a wake with alcohol to toast me.

I would like a traditional C of E funeral service with hymns and only religious music. I want this mainly for my DDs to meet with people who will support them. As for afterwards a discreet get together preferably with no alcohol but I realise that may be too much to ask. I don’t see funerals as celebrations as some people do.,

My DD1, who is an Independent Celebrant, is being increasingly approached by people who are terminally ill or very old, to plan their own funeral service in advance. They choose the method, location, guest list and music and choose who they want to mention or thank. Also dictate their own story of their life. DD then writes up the service and visits again with a copy for their approval.Sometimes they will share this with close family and amend to suit their wishes - sometimes they insist in writing that the funeral be conducted exactly as they have planned.

M0nica

Funeral plans are for the living, since we will have no means of ensuring they are carried out once we are dead.

A childless aunt of mine prepaid hers, and left instructions with the funeral directors as to what she wanted - which was something fairly simple.
We were profoundly grateful for her foresight and consideration.